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Daughter very unhappy at school (Y9)

28 replies

Snaith · 17/09/2023 15:34

Looking for advice or any thoughts you could share with me

Our daughter has attended private primary school and then went on to private secondary school of her choice (girls only). She has really enjoyed Y7 and first half of Y8. From around January Y8 she started having disagreements with her school friends and by March/April she was saying that she doesn't like her school, she doesn't gets on with the other girls and would like to move to another school. We did not inform the school, hoping this is possibly just a phase and that things will improve. At the end of the school year the situation was the same, so I have called a few other private schools in the area asking for an off chance space, but none seem to be offer anything. Summer holidays passed quickly and the situation seems much worse now. My daughter has been crying a lot, saying she does not want to go back to school and she seems generally very unhappy. When at school she hardly speaks with anyone and the breaks she spends on her own. Joining the clubs has not helped either. My husband and his family seems to think this will pass and as much as it is quite upsetting for our daughter, change of school won't solve the problem. At this stage we have involved the school, so they are aware, but I guess there is little they really do. I feel so sorry for my daughter and I am unsure how I can help her. She would like to move to a local state school, where she knows some of the children and she seems to thinks this will solve all her problems. I am very worried that it won't and that she will have hard time adapting to state education. Also, the secondary school she attends currently is rather small and the school of her choice is massive. There seem to be much less pros for change of school (hope for new friendships) than cons (running away from a problem, uncertainty if the change will be positive, difficulty getting back into private education if the change doesn't help, disruption in learning), but I am extremely worried for my daughter and my gut feeling is that situation at her current school won't improve. Would a sessions with a psychologist or counselor help? Have you been in a similar situation? What would your advice be?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 17/09/2023 17:20

I’d see which schools have a space, then take her to look around and get a feel for it.

minipie · 17/09/2023 15:53

Realistically friendship issues can happen anywhere. It doesn’t sound like a problem with the school itself. Part of learning social skills is learning how to come back from disagreements like this, or make new friends.

What were the disagreements about? And was it with most of the girls in her class or only a few? Is it a several form year group or just one form?

Bluevelvetsofa · 17/09/2023 15:45

I suppose whatever decision you make, has to be made fairly soon, because GCSE courses will start in Year 10, or earlier.

Why do you think that the school can’t do anything? I would expect the school to be investigating and offering support.

You also have to bear in mind that a move to a state school will be to whichever one has a space, which may not be the one your daughter has identified.