Year 7 refusing to make friends help!

I’d have listened to him in the first place; he never wanted to go. I’d be approaching the comp and asking for a place. I’d also apologise for not listening to him. He is not going to do well at a school he is unhappy in anyway so you lose nothing. If he is clever enough to get into the grammar he will no doubt do well anyway.

I think @Cozytoesandtoast00 is right. You made the decision on school on the beat information and that's completely reasonable. He is only a couple of days in and transition to yr 7 is always a bit of a jump. Be supportive and give him time to find his feet.

I'd stop asking him how he is getting on, and wait for him to choose to tell you. Help him to socialise out of school, and he will end up with a broader group of friends in the end.

To put it bluntly, he is going to do dreadfully because he is bloody miserable at this school. Far better for him to excel in a ‘less academic’ school. You’ve made a massive mistake

Also- is there something he likes doing out of school that you can help him do more of? This was a life line for my ds when he was at a school he didn't want to be at...

I don't agree with some if these responses. You did your best deciding what was best for your child at the time.
I don't think an 11 year should decide what school to go to based on where his friends are going!! How can they make that decision at that age.
Similarly, my daughter wanted to go to the local school with all on her friends but we decided another school was best for her. Like your son, on the transition days she would not try to make friends and was quite angry with us. I spoke to her tutor who was fantastic at creating social opportunities.
She's now a few days in and is enjoying the school and is making friends and states she feels happy.
I would monitor how it goes over the next few weeks (but not tell him you are doing this) but don't feel bad or like you have failed if you need to transfer schools.
Good luck and ignore the hurtful comments.

you can't instruct your child to make friends. that is crazy and guaranteed to make him miserable.

you can help your child find the positives in the grammar school and find something that he likes about it. friendships will come when he is ready.

I think I'd stop pushing him into reassuring you about your decision. Talk about other things other than whether he's made friends or whether he's enjoying himself.

Make the other side of his life as pleasant and as smooth as possible. And facilitate him seeing his friends if you need to. Have them round, give him money to go out with them etc.

Oh dear. Just a cautionary tale: My mum forced me to go to a school I didn't want to go to separate from all my primary school friends and I had a really rough couple of years. I had no friends for two years, was bullied, developed depression and anxiety. It really damaged my mum and I's previously very close relationship.

I came through and made friends in the end, but rebelled enormously and went completely off the rails at 15. It definitely didn't do much for my academic performance to be at that school over the one I wanted to go to. I wonder if the battle is worth it if he feels this strongly about it?

As a pp said of their child, in the face of it I developed a lot of strength and resilience, but to this day I'm not sure the cost to the rest of me was worth it.

Try not to react angrily. Think yourself into his head. He's behaving entirely reasonably if you think about it! Try to acknowledge his feelings- "I can see you're feeling really pissed off about this."
How about doing a deal? He stays til half term and you talk again.

I'm in a similar situation. My son is now yr8 of a grammar school, we opted for it after he failed to get into the one his primary school friends went to. Yr7 was hell, he made no friends, hated it, bunked off and was bullied. He's been on the waiting list for the other school for about six months now. But I have to say that despite of (or because of) the bad times, he's developed into a very resilient and confident young man; I'm so proud.
He still has a rose tinted notion of how the other school might be so it'll be interesting to see if he goes for it should a space come up. I'd put your boy on the waiting list (as suggested above), tell him and it might help him relax a bit.

You need to listen to him if he feels so strongly about it. Pushing him like this is going to be much more detrimental to his education in the long run.

Grammar schools are state schools.

Have you had a chat to him about the differences in his current school and the one he wants to attend? Explained why you chose the school you did? Is there a GCSE grade difference between the two?

Does he realise that he could be placed in the other half of the year to his friends at the other school, or not be any of the lessons with his friends? What if those friends want new friends? Primaries are usually a class of 30 so not a lot of choice in friendships, secondaries are more like 250 with clubs etc to make friends at.

I think he has this vision of it all continuing as it did before. My mate's child ended up getting ditched by the two friends they walked up to secondary with. Told him straight they had new friends and wouldn't wait for him anymore and to make his own way there. Brutal but you cannot force a friendship if they don't want it.

You could put his name down on the waiting list for the state school and make a decision if a place becomes available. However, I would also be telling him that in the meantime he might be waiting years so to make the best of the school he is at.

Is this for real? you are forcing him?

This. I’d also try and have a quiet word with his form tutor to let them know how he’s feeling, he won’t be the first.

If he feels that strongly put his name on the waiting list for the other school.
Tell him you have done so and that you now expect him to put in full effort until a place comes up.
Maybe when a place comes up he will no longer want to move.

Are you serious?

Poor kid. Be nice to him.