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Original poster

Y7 first days not going well

85 replies

celebrityskin · 06/09/2023 19:14

Hello,
Is anyone else having a less than ideal start to secondary?
DD has started in a class not knowing anyone, feeling a minority and not seeing potential new friends in her classmates. First day cried, cried this morning not wanting to go, then I was called to collect her early because she had belly ache. Promptly burst into tears when I collected her.

This is so hard- I know it's only day 2. She sees classes where there are 4 people from her primary and they are making new friends and are all jolly and it's not helping her.

Is anyone else going through similar? Or been through similar with older siblings?
It's heartbreaking. How long does it take for them to settle? At the headteachers talk they explicitly said they won't move classes to put people with their friends.

She's home to her lovely familiar dance class tonight which should lift her spirits.

How do I get her (&me?!) through this???

OP posts:
cottonwoolbrain · 06/09/2023 21:22

DS had his first day today. He went in knowing nobody in the whole school which is intimidating with 200 per year group (wasn't a school we expected him to get allocated at all). He came out and refused to talk about his day beyond saying he had a maths test and it was really difficult and he got lost at lunchtime Sad

I made him his favourite dinner and gave him a hug. I've reassured him that he will find friends but it may take some time. There are a couple of particular things he likes doing and I see that the school has clubs for one of them so I will encourage him to join that and hope he at least meets people with similar interests.

Just hoping for him that it gets easier.

clary · 06/09/2023 21:16

Agree with others, it will get better OP.

Just a thought - could you flag it as a possible issue to her form tutor? If the school won't move people (fair enough - would lead to many requests) they should be prepared to support. When I was a tutor I would have found a moment to have a discreet chat to the student (just when checking equipment in form time) and maybe see if I could suggest some clubs to join or somewhere to go at lunch. Or the tutor could liaise with colleagues who teach your DD to see if they can sit her next to someone who might make a good friend for her.

Also it's an idea if she struggles in this are (not saying se does! but my DC do) to have something to talk about - can you prime her with suggestions eg the latest show or music - or ways to start a conversation - What's your favoruite game/music/clothes shop? People love to talk about themselves.

AnnieLewis · 06/09/2023 21:14

My DS didn't even make it in today (first day). He cried himself to sleep last night, cried this morning, refused to get dressed, refused to move off my bed/the floor, ended up having to call new school and explain which led to me crying down the phone at the deputy head. He's also going into a school with no existing friends but does vaguely know two other kids there

VenusFairy · 06/09/2023 21:07

Yes in the same boat... although DD is 3 in a crowd and that is what she is struggling with. Has asked to moved school, hates it there and very quiet and moody. Am trying to remain positive but its definitely hard!

No advice but sharing this to let you know you're not alone. It'll get better for them ... soon hopefully.

MidnightOnceMore · 06/09/2023 21:06

All you can do is reassure her. I totally understand how hard it is but I found with my DC who had a similar experience that in future years it was a useful example of how they got through something.

It is so tough to see our kids having a hard time but they do have to experience some ups and downs.

I bet she is not the only one.

I really hope it resolves soon.

Itslosenotloose · 06/09/2023 21:02

My DD has just started and she went up alone. She’s fine and has new friends. Having said that I’ve worked in pastoral teams in secondary for years and what your DD is experiencing is not at all unusual. I’m sorry for you both but my prediction is by week two she will be okay. ❤️

SamPoodle123 · 06/09/2023 20:58

Can she join clubs/sports in the school? This helps to meet new people and make new friends. It also takes time to find people you connect with.

Foxesandsquirrels · 06/09/2023 20:17

Sending you a huge hug. This was DD at the beginning, she's going into Y11 now. She knew no one. Hated the first 2 weeks. Settled after and made lots of amazing friends. It gets better.

BeMoreBarbie · 06/09/2023 20:15

No advice but my DD also started year 7 and it's such an horrific time! I just thought it may help to know that there are a lot of kids and parents going through this currently.

I'm not sure how my DD is getting on as she is so closed off and hates me by all accounts.

I hope the dance class helps. Does she keep in contact with people/friends from primary? Is she arranging to walk with them or meet?

Gazelda · 06/09/2023 19:20

Huge sympathies OP. It's very difficult for both of you. I can only advise persistence, it does get better.

My DD went to a secondary alone, no other kids from her primary. She's an introvert and struggled. But she was flying by half term. That sounds a long way off, but it gets easier day by day. Pair work in classes, team games in PE, etc will all help her find people she can get on with.

Does she take packed lunch? Where does she eat? Can she sidle up to some people she recognises from her classes at lunchtime and ask if they mind her sitting with them?