Y7 first days not going well

First week was better then expected, dd is autistic so I was really worried about the transition. She loved the novelty of the canteen selling slushies ! Not so good yesterday now that the real work starts. She had a major wobble and had to be met by the pastoral manager. I chose the school because the senco is supposedly amazing. I emailed the deputy senco manager last week about a number of items and have yet to receive a reply 🙄

I had a reluctant son on the way to school but I distracted him by talking about an outside interest- then on the bus we saw a friend of the boy who had befriended him on Friday and he invited DS to sit next to him.

Haven’t managed to speak to him tonight (home late and he’s now on the phone to primary friends so I don’t want to disturb his fun) but his form tutor rang me just after 3pm to say he’d been upset in last lesson and wanted to go
home. And according to his Dad he cried all the way home from pick up. I know it’s still early days but it’s still heart breaking.

How about yours?

How was everyones morning?

good luck everyone for tomorrow morning.

Let's hope this week brings at least some joy to our new year 7s.

DS has his first drum lesson tomorrow which he's looking forward to.

That's lovely Supersue. Things are looking up.

I have a positive update about my son! I have been e-mailing his form tutor saying he needed more proactive support to help him find children to spend time with at break, she responded very supportively and said she will get Head of Year and SENCO involved. But I also posted about his struggles in a parent year 7 WA group and a few parents spoke to their children about him. At break today a boy introduced himself to DS and asked him to join him and his friends and then again at lunch! They’ve exchanged numbers and had a brief msg exchange this evening too.
My son came home so happy and positive this afternoon I could have cried! I thanked the mum of the boy and said how proud of him she must be to make the effort to help out another child, not even in his form. Even if the friendship does not progress much further, it has given him a boost going into the weekend believing he has “a friend”.
So my advice is try whatever you can to support your child, I know I took a risk that another child
might tease him because his mum intervened, but from the responses I got it really felt like a nice bunch of parents, some of whom also had children struggling. At this early stage they are accepting of a bit of parent intervention, I know this won’t last much longer. I hope those with children having a tough time find it easier soon and have a nice relaxing weekend.

I am biased because I run ours, but if she is at all interested find out if the school has a science club or STEM club.

Every year ours attracts the loveliest most accepting kids. Some are there because they love science, others I think go to a club every lunch time to avoid the hustle and bustle.

Some of the students who attend mine are those who have struggled to make friends in their classes and it is so lovely to see them in a space where everyone is just kind and inclusive.

It would also definitely be worth having a word with her form tutor. In the past I have had a quiet word with students who I know are lovely and encouraged them to take someone under their wing a bit. Or just made sure the student who is struggling a bit is sat next to someone nice.

Flag it via email to her form tutor. It is not uncommon and they normally have some tricks up. their sleeves.

DD was different, she enjoyed the fact that she had a clean slate to make new friends and we encouraged her to exchange phone numbers to chat after school. Being with old primary friends was the worst option for her.

Keep an eye on when clubs are announced and encourage her. But in the end, it's up to them, they have to be confident to approach others. It will get a bit easier when they learn about others in class.

To any new parents whose year 7 is there eldest child, and is new to secondary schools please don't feel bad for contacting the school or being 'that' parent.

Secondary schools are set up differently to Primary schools, they have dedicated non-teaching staff whose entire job is to look after the pastoral needs of the children in their House/Community/ year group. Its these people who you build a relationship with and the earlier they know of any issues the sooner they can put plans in action. A form teacher is normally teaching staff and will check-in with your child but its the pastoral team who can put things in place or move form groups/timetables.

Obviously not all schools are structured the same way but the schools I've worked in and DD has attended have been structured like this.

Please do speak to the school.

My middle child experienced the same distress and we had three years of school refusal.
The school pastoral team were very supportive, it was still near impossible to get him into class but they were supportive to both me and my son when the stress was overwhelming. They allowed him to have a quiet space within the school and take his time getting into class.

He is now in year 10 and finally gets out of the car and into the school without a fuss.

I hope it works out for you sooner rather than later, it is such a difficult situation to navigate.

Good luck

@Meltdownoclock definitely talk to the school, keep an eye on those ND traits as the start of secondary can be when they start to spiral.

Contact the Sendco, and explain, he won't be on their radar yet but adjustments should be needs based, it's not unusual for ASD students to have a 2 minute early pass to navigate the corridors in peace (& a toilet pass as many students don't use the toilet with the big kids in them).

My school used to have year 7 lessons finish 5 mins early for the first half term so that could navigate around. In peace too.

Sympathy to everyone having a difficult time. I've no idea how to handle the daily worries my son is having about secondary school. He has some adhd and autistic traits, a strong sense of right and wrong and finds rule breaking unsettling. Hes very sensitive! This week he has been shoved and pushed around in the corridors on two different occasions, by year 10\11s - the first time he was with friends so not as scary. The second time he was on his own (lost looking for his class room ) it triggered a panic attack. I know if a fear of the older children take hold he will quickly struggle. Should I speak to the school? Realistically what can they do? He is also around lots of swearing and shoving etc. on the football field at playtime (and he is just so stressed all of the time.

@Foxesandsquirrels I know I was quite scared at first as there's over 2000 students altogether and she's coming from a 1 form little primary. But everything's been extremely well organised and ran very smoothly this week so perhaps having so many kids means they have to plan well. I'm also hoping it improves her chances of making good friends as she's quite quirky and only made a couple of close friends in primary.

Head of music in primary school gave the best suggestion, since DC didn’t know a single person in a large secondary school, which was join music clubs. Music clubs take a large group of children for choir or any instruments and they are a mix ability and mixed year groups events. DC found friends in other forms and other years.

That's meant to say 12!

@PaperNests 2 Forms?!!! That's insane.

My DD has just started Y7 too and although her whole primary class is at the school it's a huge school with 12 forms and no-one from her primary class is in her form. She has found that really hard and hasn't made friends yet but we've found walking to school with her primary friends has really helped her, as well as getting her a phone so she can chat to them after school. They are also meeting up at lunchtimes. I'm sure your DD's tutor would want to know too.

Just had a call from the school pastoral care team asking how DS was getting on. They are keeping an eye on him and all those who came up alone from their primary school which is reassuring. They were concerned when I said he had told us he felt frightened and overwhelmed but said it was not unusual in the circumstances.

They asked about his hobbies and said chess club started next week so they'd try to encourage him to go to that . Also he's doing drum lessons and those are done as group sessions so hopefully he will meet some people that way too.

Feel encouraged by how supportive the school are being even if DS is finding it all very hard and confusing at the moment.

He also got 2 recognition points... for a subject he's not even had a lesson for yet so he's mildly confused by that!! 😂

@celebrityskin try not to worry too much.
it’s very early days.
My DD started secondary a year ago knowing no one in her class (3 friends from her primary also in same school, but none in same class), and I worried for a long time about her making friends.

Things take time to settle down, as there’s so much going on, and it may take a while for her to find her ‘tribe’ (the friends she made in the first 1-2 weeks aren’t her closest friends now).
1 year later, and she’s thriving.
I’m sure your DD will be the same, but it’s hard not to worry!

No tears from DS this morning so that is an improvement. Fingers crossed it stays on an upward track.

ds came home yesterday saying that someone was being friendly towards him so that was an improvement.

He says he's been reading at break and is hoping to go to library today at lunch time as there are chess sets there and he hopes someone will play with him. Am crossing my fingers someone will even of its one of the older.pupils.

I hope the new year 7s had a better day today.

A relatively cheap and easy way to connect with others is to take a pack of cards / Uno in, most children love Uno, it takes the pressure off the socialising as they are doing something, if they lose or someone takes the cards they aren't massively expensive but the down side is they have to have the confidence to invite someone to play with them.

My DD has just started year 8... we had similar in Year 7.. with no friends in her tutor group where other groups had loads of friends together... (dont get me started on that!!!)
It did get easier tho.. she made 2 new friends (it didnt come easy) and she was with primary friends for Maths and PE

Hang in there... it does get easier

Sounds similar to my son - he had to be taken out of class as he kept crying and he spends his breaks crying because watching the boys playing football reminds him of “happier times” playing football with his friends at primary. But he feels too intimated to join in the football as they are bigger than him and swear a lot.
He didn’t msg me this break so hoping he has found someone to spend time with. 🤞
I hope your son starts to get to know some others - my son hasn’t managed to find anything to do at break yet.