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Original poster

Grammar schooling and the local community

227 replies

Cantdohair · 02/09/2023 09:35

My son is just entering Yr 6 at primary school. We live in a large village in a relatively affluent area with both a primary and secondary school in walking distance.

A big part of the reason we moved here was to be part of a community and so far that has very much been the case. My son has really lucked out with his year group and they are a really strong group of friends who he could theoretically stay with through secondary school. They could all walk in together etc....it all looked very idyllic in my head! (Although I do recognise friendships change a lot at secondary level and they make new friends etc).

Unfortunately I underestimated the grammar school impact. It varies year to year but it looks as though all of his close friends bar one will sitting their 11+. They have all been tutored for some time, are bright, and stand a very good chance of passing. My son is aware of this but is not sitting it himself - this was a joint decision and we don't feel grammar school is right for him. I must admit though, I had underestimated how many of his friends would be sitting it. With the exam in a few weeks we are at peak 11+ fervour amongst parents and peers and it is really starting to bother me.

There is just so much snobbery about it and I just feel really sad that my son will miss out on the secondary school experience I thought he would have within the village that we live. The secondary school in the village is a good school, the results aren't amazing but I suspect this is more the grammar impact rather than the teaching and it has a lovely feel and a great pastoral side. I know its idealistic but it would just be so nice if they could all just go to the same school. I'm sure my son will be fine - he is far less bothered than me (eye roll) - I just feel sad about the whole system and what feels like a lack of loyalty to each other and the community. I'm not sure what I'm looking for really - just some reassurance that I am not crazy for feeling this way!

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RoseBucket · 02/09/2023 09:53

I presume they have all moved there and it’s been the plan since pregnancy?

I live in a similar place and it’s one of the reasons why the house prices tend to stabilise.

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 09:49

You feel how you feel, but yep you are being a bit bonkers when you talk of lack of loyalty to each other. Their loyalty is to their kids as it should be, and the grammar is presumably part of the wider community.

You can disagree with the grammar system of course, but there is an alternative view that says it’s hard for comprehensives to do a great job with such a wide range of kids, that grammars do a good job of stretching bright kids, and (when they were more widespread than they are now) aid social mobility.

I know your core issue isn’t whether or not grammars are a good thing, I’m just pointing out why the other parents aren’t being unreasonable to have chosen it.

You were also naive to choose a middle class area in a grammar catchment and not know most parents would chose that option.

All of this is not to say your feelings are invalid, but it is unreasonable to place blame on other people that things are not going to play out as you hoped. With kindness, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

On the bright side, your son sounds well adjusted and I am sure he’ll make friends quickly and it will all work out fine, so try not to worry too much.