Year 10 - 2023/2024 Support Thread

@SuperSue77 i think you being watchful is the main thing. It’s when we blindly force them that it can be harmful. You’re not doing that. It does sound like he needs differentiated work but that’s often difficult for teaching staff too.
DD3 (my yr10) hates school - we’ve just had tears tonight. She’s adhd and struggles. But she does go willingly. If I gave her a choice she’d absolutely choose to stay home!!

Not Fine in School is a good resource but I think some of the posters are very quick to suggest deregistering when it is not always necessary.

It is great that your son's computing teacher has picked up on the fact that he is getting bored and is going to give him extra work.

Is the school senco aware that he is getting emotional in the evening sometimes? Has he seen the school educational psychologist in the light of the ADHD diagnosis as often they can pick up on little things that might affect his enjoyment in school? They can do classroom observations without the child being aware they are being observed. Ditto occupational therapy, they were very useful particularly for my youngest.

It is very tricky. We all want our kids to go to school and be happy but for so many of them it is not an enjoyable experience and for some it's downright harmful. I think some people thought I had two heads when I stopped trying to force my eldest to go. He was so emotionally damaged by it in the end he was trying to kill himself and ended up unable to engage in education at all for the majority of the high school years. He is exceptionally bright though so it hasn't done him any harm in the long run. Mental health must always come first and school is not the best environment for all children, especially neurodiverse children. But that said not everyone has the luxury of being able to facilitate children at home and if they can be in school it's probably better. I think issues in school have become worse post - covid because children saw that education can be away from school. It certainly seems that more kids are now out of school than before.

@lifeturnsonadime thanks for sharing your thoughts about the school attendance. It’s reassuring to hear. I’m in a Facebook group called “Not Fine in School” and a lot of parents talk about forcing their kids to school has damaged their well-being and I really don’t feel we are at that point with my son, but there is always that worry at the back of my mind.

Whilst I’m lucky that he doesn’t mask too much, so I don’t feel things aren’t being bottled up, he does have the odd emotional evening when he just cries and it takes quite a lot of comforting to help him calm down. He doesn’t seem to be able to articulate what it is he doesn’t like about school, well, beyond the fact he thinks it’s a waste of time because he doesn’t think he’ll need what they teach him in later life. He is bright and only needs to be taught something once, so when they go over topics he finds it really frustrating and “a waste of time”. Luckily, his new Computing teacher has already clocked his aptitude for computing and invited him to an invite only coding club and says he will set him differentiated work so that he doesn’t get bored, so I am hoping this will encourage him!

@SuperSue77 I think there comes a point where you can tell that it's more than general reluctance. My daughter was, in the end, unable to sleep or eat at all and was non verbal in school. There was more than that but it had got to the point that she couldn't go. I did try to force my eldest in too long and he was damaged as a result but that being said he is fine now.

What you are describing of your son doesn't sound like you are at that point. Just keep an eye on it and make sure that they continue to allow the rest breaks etc. Also have you asked him what the problem is with school because it might be something that's easily addressed?

I do think there may be ADHD, if her focus remains appalling I'll take a look at that. I think she is sick of going through assessments etc. but if it helps....

Hi @lifeturnsonadime I read your post with interest as whilst my year 10 DD is in school, my year 7 DS is AuDHD and currently just started at mainstream secondary, but at the back of my mind is the thought “for how long”?

That’s great to hear that your eldest is coping in sixth form and planning to go to uni. My sister’s eldest didn’t make it into school much at all for year 10 and 11, despite being at a small, nurturing private school. He only sat maths and English GCSEs but got a 4 and a 7 and is now in college and coping much better. The grade 7 blew my sister away as she thought he was doing the foundation paper like he had for maths and thought the highest he could get was a 5 - so when she saw he got a 7 she was thrilled. It was a real confidence boost for him too, as he had lost all belief in himself.

Regarding your DD and focus, do you think she may have ADHD too? My son’s focus in class has been improved with ADHD medication. His hand writing is appalling and he uses a laptop for longer pieces of writing which made a massive difference to his work. He has gone to an understanding/sympathetic school, but he tells me every day that he doesn’t want to go and it does worry me that I might be causing him trauma by making him go. He doesn’t physically resist going and some mornings skips off quite happily - they are allowed into the computing room before form time - and he often comes out happily enough, but at bedtime and first thing in the morning he constantly asks us not to send him. 😢

Quite often in life we have to do things we don’t want to, it’s a lesson we all have to learn, but I just hope I’m not damaging his well-being on the meantime.

Can I join in please?

My DD is in year 10, she's educated away from school as she's autistic and dyslexic and didn't cope in mainstream.

I've got experience of this as my eldest followed a similar path but he's rejoined in mainstream 6th form and is now in year 13 and planning to go to Uni. DD is hoping to rejoin a formal setting in year 12.

She's focusing on 6 GCSEs as that is the entry requirement. My main issue will be getting her to focus, she's often away with the fairies!

She is currently learning to type too as her handwriting is assessed as 5 years behind her ability to verbalise. With the right support and environment she should be capable of getting decent grades.

Hope all of your DC have settled well into year 10 and looking forward to chatting on here.

We had an exeat this weekend which means we finally got DD home. We also bumped into her old schoolfriends on a school trip on the train (which was bittersweet for me - DD seemed fine). She has few tests, not enough homework to fill her prep time, but then being told to do nearly two hours of homework a night is a significant ramp up for her, and an awful lot of music practice.

But she says she is really happy and feels more 'like her' at the new school so I guess we'll go with it! It was so hard to send her back last night though.

@QueenMabby hope the maths goes well!

DS is getting more homework than in year 9 that's for sure. So far only one test for Biology which is tomorrow. Music is setting them quite a bit of homework. Have to prepare a piece for end of half term and he's getting on with that mostly.

They are called ‘short courses’- not really sure what the point of them is really @QueenMabby

DS seems to have settled in well. He hasn’t had a huge amount of homework yet I don’t think but seems to be getting on ok in his classes and with his options.
We have the parent info evening this week but am making DH go as I have a late
meeting in town.

@DataColour how nice that he wanted to show you! My older DD loved 'an inspector calls' ... I hope he does too. Definitely worth trying to find a production of it (they often tour) to take him to as well.

11 GCSEs is a LOT @QueenMabby and @DataColour . DD1 did 10.5 and it felt like a lot of subjects. DD2, at music school, will do 8 - she's been allowed to drop RE, which was only a half GCSE short course, and has replaced it with music practice periods, which is great as she is VERY busy.

Academically she is finding the change rather odd. Her school started GCSEs in Year 9, so she's already done a year of GCSE content. Says she feels like Hermione Grainger in all the classes because she's always finished first. Given that the rest of it is a massive change though this is probably good. She's definitely struggling with all the sport - there was almost none at old school and it's a very big thing now.

@QueenMabby well that's totally worth it! Well done on your DD. She sounds very talented.

How are the DCs doing a few weeks into year 10?

DS seems to be ok for the moment, on top of his homework and engaged in lessons so far. He was keen to show me a writing task he had done in school for "An Inspector Calls", it looked good to me and I was glad he was proud of it enough to show it to me!
I think he's doing further maths too. I'm a bit concerned as that'll be 11 GCSE's and how he will cope with it. I don't know if it's a "full" GCSE but it's still additional work. I just wish he could drop RE as he's really not keen on it but it's compulsory.

@Oblomov23 you’ve made laugh! They’re probably overcompensating for how much they’d much rather be somewhere else on an evening after school churning out the same stuff. I’m blown away that it’s compulsory! Surely loads of parents can’t make them.

I've not heard of a parent's information evening. So our school obviously don't have them.

I am amazed that Ds went to find the head of languages to ask if the classes are set for French. She said they aren't. He was going to ask to be moved into top set, he's in the same French group as last year, claims it's really boring and he finishes work first before everyone else, last years teacher brought him extra work each time. He isn't the sort to ask things usually, so when he said he'd asked I was surprised. Apart from the French group, Ds seems pleased with how lessons are going at school. So that's good. He's had so many tests already. I think we have parents evening quite early into year 10.

@SB1971

No the teachers, way ott, too cheery, everything is fantastic, great, just too cheery, too enthusiastic. 💤
It's compulsory, you have to sign your name. I'm not going again! Boring. I learnt nothing. HoY will send slides of it anyway. He already sends a weekly overly-cheery email aswell.

Our parents information evening is in about 3 weeks. Last year I didn't go to either of them (when the DCs were in year 8 and 9, same school), as I thought I'd heard it all before and had plans already. Sent DH, who didn't come back with any info whatsoever (fell asleep he said), and it turned out that they had changed the way they do the assessments and went from one per term to just twice a year. The school didn't bother sending out this info to parents either. Not great communication from the school....or from DH!

@QueenMabby well done to your DD! that's great! I presume she'd still get her book token, even if she didn't attend? And it depends on much the token is for!

DS is struggling a bit with tiredness since staring school. He's doing GCSE PE and core PE and he does cricket twice a week and running once a week plus running competitions which started last weekend and will be regular cross country comps till end of season which is March. Plus he walks to school an hour a day, cycles at the weekend. So it's all a bit much recently. I've started giving him a multivitamin, but wonder whether there is anything else I can give him - will have to do some research.

@Oblomov23 the teachers or the other parents?!
I will miss ours as am in town till late ish and was debating whether to bother sending DH.

Went to Year 10 Parent Information evening. I find them all sickly positive and just too eager and cheery.