When did leaving primary school become such a big thing?

@Waitwhat23 I think it was an already archaic reference to the Qually exam - qualifying exam, or 11 plus. No longer around in my day (but it is in our part of England even now). But I love it as a word and still gives a glow of the excitement of the Qually Dance.

When did sneering at current parents become such a big thing? Should I blame the parents of the OP’s generation for raising such sneery people? Or was it ever thus and I will be sneering at my children’s parenting?

It's always been a pretty big deal for the kids themselves, hasn't it?

The majority of primary schools in this country are warm, nurturing, child-centred places where lots of children feel happy, safe, listened to, supported and valued

Secondary schools... not so much. Especially with the current craze for running schools along military lines and giving detentions for forgetting pencils. Many aren't very nurturing at all.

It's nice for the children that there is increased recognition of the transition and that it can be difficult.

If OP turned 12 in September 1974 - leaving primary in the August aged 11 - and their DC turned 12 in September 2019, they had their child aged 45, which is hardly shocking.

Because it’s possible for women to have babies in their mid-40s

Ah, the Qually. I'm not sure it's called that anymore as I mentioned it to a much younger colleague and she looked baffled.

The Schools around here pipe the kids out which I think is nice and not too over the top.

I was reading a thread on here the other day where a posters child was going to be starting at the secondary school she had a bad time at. Didn't get the chance to comment but felt really awful reading that post. I chose to move 200 miles away from where I grew up largely because of how traumatised secondary school left me.

That said I do think parents have a responsibility to at least try to put on a good face for their kids. They could have a completely different experience and don't need our baggage.

@Scarydinosaurs I think for some kids it's all too much. My DS has found this last few weeks really hard and was dreading his last day. This morning, now it's all over, he's woken up much more cheerful! I think the transition events need toning down a bit.

Left in 85. We had a day trip to the secondary school. No party, assembly or merchandise.

My Dd left primary in the early 00s and they had a leavers do . I left primary in 79 we had a disco for the primary 7s last week of term so that's also a lesser leavers party. I don't think it's unusual to mark leaving primary school.

My eldest finished yesterday. They had their play and party last week, this week they had a church service (CofE school) where they'd written poems and shared memories about their time at the school, and had an end of term assembly where they were clapped/high fives out by the younger kids. No 'graduation' though a group of parents did organise and fundraise for a yearbook. All pretty lovely. I didn't see any big
outpourings of emotion from any parents, possibly a sniffle or two looking at the pictures of them in reception in the slideshow at the church service.

I wonder if it feels different to the kids depending on whether they'll mostly be going to the same secondary or not? We're pretty urban and our kids are going on to 14 different secondaries out of two forms so there's a definite sense of an ending for this particular group of kids. They're a lovely year and are pretty close, so I can see how it's different for them than for eg my nephew's more rural primary where the vast majority of the kids will be going to the same secondary.

It's too much! Picking up ds9 yesterday, I walked past a stream of sobbing girls, who were distraught at leaving.

When my eldest ds went through it, it almost put him off school for good. He is socially anxious and has ASD. He also has T1 Diabetes, hypothyroidism and a severely disabled brother.

Leaving primary school wasn't a big event in his life.

I left primary in 1978. The occasion was not marked in any way, other than my teacher wishing us good luck! I did have a trip to look around secondary which lasted a few hours, I remember seeing the science labs, but we were back at primary by lunchtime. Teachers did not get presents! I think all the attention on leaving makes the kids nowadays more worried and anxious than needed. There was nothing in 1983 or 1985 when I left secondary or sixth form either!

I think it's good to have taster then transition days for choices/ orientation and some sort of celebration. Mine had an assembly but parents didn't go, they all signed shirts. They had orientation days.
Everything is over celebrated now compared to the past and everything is on Facebook. Pros and cons and wouldn't be surprised if it changes in the future again. I'd have hated my mum putting some big post or pictures up if there had been SM back in the 70s - nightmare! 😀

Well yeah if you compare the 70s to now there is loads we do now that you didn't do back then, from bigger halloweens, bigger weddings, bigger birthdays, and I'm sure you did more in the 70s than they did in the 1920s, and there'll be new things in the 2070s. It's just life, if you don't like something, you don't have to engage with it, but life won't always been the same, it is changing all the time.

Fair enough about Xmas eve boxes but we definitely bought our teacher presents in the 80s and 90s

Didn't do shirt signing til secondary tho

a prom for dd, born in 1997
i was aghast - i complained
ds, born in 1994 had no such thing

We had a leaver's assembly with a song I still remember and still makes me cry! I sang it as a lullaby to my babies. This was in the 80s.

We also had a leaving disco - but it was a small primary so all the juniors (year 3+) came.

Lol this is hilarious! We have middle schools here so our primary ends at Y4 and they have a leavers assembly and I believe it is similar, emotional songs etc. Apparently all the kids were crying. The head also wrote a super long message, while it was nice I think it was a bit much.

30 years ago for me, we definitely had transition days, a graduation ceremony/disco and i think maybe a special assembly during school hours as well.
I dont recall doing gifts for the teachers back then but my youngest sister always has.

We had my daughter's leaving assembly yesterday. It was lovely and clearly a lot of thought had gone into it, but my god, the emotion and the smaltz. Both their teacher and the Head were choking up when they were talking about them (they've taught us as much as we've taught them etc) and struggled to get their words out, which I think was inappropriate and unprofessional.

Late 1980’s and we had open evenings for the secondary schools, a taster morning an assembly and a residential trip either to France or Derbyshire in the last half term of y6. There may have been a disco?

We also had a staggered start at our secondary, we started the day before, I think. But it was fairly low key, just an accepted part of growing up.

I do feel strongly that parental attitudes sometimes unnecessarily create anxiety in youngsters. I notice that the kids coming through to start secondary need far more emotional support, one parent actually asked me for a daily phone call for the first half term ( No diagnosed SEN)! Even before the lockdowns we were spending an inordinate amount of time fielding anxious Y6 parental requests/ queries and demands. Despite the various open evenings/ visits/ settling in meetings and separate meetings for students who have SEN. Plus we have excellent data/handover from the primaries which is acted upon.

The best thing parents can do for their children is keep their anxieties to themselves, reassure their kids that ‘bogwashing’ or other revolting/ invented folklore punishments do not happen. Acknowledge the feeling of nerves, but breezily support this new more independent phase of their lives and education.

Step child? Adopted?

I can't remember having anything until we finished A levels and we had an evening party. Don't think there was anything even for GCSEs. When I finished Y9 there was a special assembly but that was only because the school was actually closing forever so was a special case.