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Original poster

Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?

94 replies

MerryMarigold · 15/07/2023 12:33

Just finishing Y12. Dire mock results (B,D,E). He does do some schoolwork, but I wouldn't say he works hard - he will look up answers and he maybe puts in 1 hour a day at most. He doesn't go out, he doesn't work, so he has time to put in extra work but he doesn't. He mostly plays Fifa, or watches stuff on Netflix. He just doesn't seem motivated or interested in what he's chosen, and chose subjects he's always struggled with because he thought they were 'useful'! The subject he got the B in is something he enjoys and is 'easier' than Maths and Physics. I can't relate. I did subjects I enjoyed and was good at. He is convinced he is not 'talented' and seems to want to be one of those people who gets a B with minimum effort and an A* with some effort. Realistically for him, he can get a C with a LOT of work. I can see why he's not that motivated.

I don't know where to go from here. He is ND, not fully diagnosed (he has an ADHD diagnosis, but I think he shows more ASD symptoms to be honest). He did not want to go to college to do something maybe more suited to him because he did not like the travel (it was about 1.5 hours each way) nor the 'difference'. Staying at school was simple and he knows it well/ knew the people etc.

I have got him some tutoring for the Maths, which he said he wanted after the E grade, but he is dragging his feet over it (eg. logging in 5 mins late, not really wanting to do it), and I resent that when I am paying a lot for it.

What can I do to help him? What are the options? I am dreading Y13 and the amount of stress/ damage to his self esteem.

OP posts:
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Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 12:44

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow , thanks. I really appreciate the advice. Have started looking at these types of diplomas, think he'd love it if he could see where it can go.

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Needmorelego · 19/07/2023 12:44

@MerryMarigold what a shame you don’t live closer to Silverstone 🙁
(there should be more UTCs in my humble opinion!)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:44

This is at my local college. People get so sniffy about A levels. But it doesn’t matter what route you choose.

Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:41

Could he do a photography diploma? They have one at my local college.

Drawing and painting isn’t for everyone, but design isn’t really drawing and painting. He could do graphics ( mainly on computer) and teachers rendering skills. Or 3D design. Design is just about the ability to communicate ideas, they don’t have to be perfect drawings. I once taught a girl who couldn’t draw for toffee. She still got a B and went onto a design course.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 12:37

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:32

Is he good at art? Honestly DT is the way to go. Could he go and do a diploma in art and design or graphics?

He's not good at traditional art - drawing and painting. Translating eye to hand isn't easy for him. Much better with photography or 'arranging'. I think a creative route would use his skills. He's desperate to be good at Maths like Dad and little bro but... Maybe he's more like his Mum. It's just helping him to see that and to value it.

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:35

I have an ASD Dd. Despite being clever she couldn’t cope with the pressure of A levels.

Weve totally shifted direction and she’s applied to a much less stressful diploma in art. It’s all continuous assessment.

It will get her into any of the uni’s that do do art and design. She was redbrick material but we’ve had to adjust everything to accommodate her ASD.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:32

Is he good at art? Honestly DT is the way to go. Could he go and do a diploma in art and design or graphics?

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 12:31

Needmorelego · 19/07/2023 12:06

@MerryMarigold where do you live? A UTC (university technical college - specialist schools from 14-19 year olds) might be a better environment for him. There is one at Silverstone (Northamptonshire) which is based around the car industry.

Thanks. Yes his friend goes there and he considered it but it's a very long way.

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Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 12:29

Here are some examples of things he's done spontaneously (I took pics because they amused me). These were when he was around 10-12.

  • his bedroom design at 10yo, I did not help with wall colors, he wanted graffiti so I found some wallpapers and he chose
  • desk arrangement whilst tidying his room, love the use of McD salt sachets
  • a sculpture which suddenly appeared on his wall using items he found in his pocket - asthma pump, Blu tack and an inhaler!
Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?
Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?
Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?
OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 19/07/2023 12:27

It really does sound like he’d be better on a more work focused course.
If he’s set on industry can he look
on every car manufacturer for apprenticeships.
Would he be capable of living alone? I know someone whose 16 yr old got an apprenticeship several hours from home and lived in a digs set up with other apprentices Mon to Fri.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 19/07/2023 12:23

MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 11:47

@ReleasetheCrackHen , he was diagnosed in Y3 and is now Y12. He isn't 'classic' ADHD, was diagnosed on the inattentive side but definitely tries his best to focus in school so it's not really been picked up on as an issue since he was very young. He does get very tired and overwhelmed by the end of a school day and with GCSE revision at kept it at 1 hr then breaks. He gets extra time but I'm not sure on what basis, need to ask school, I think it's processing and writing speed. I think he's quite complex and I'm not 100% convinced it's just ADHD, as the ASD traits seem strong plus possibly dyslexia and definitely dyspraxia - so I guess I don't want to push ADHD medication.

Surely, it’s worth trying ADHD medication as fatigue is very common when people struggle to focus and concentrate on retaining the information they are reading or listening to? I totally get the pp where her DS tried it and it affected his mood so it wasn’t for him in the end but at least he tried it. Pushing medication would be insisting on medication regardless of side effects.

Needmorelego · 19/07/2023 12:08

.

Is DS's lack of motivation with A levels normal?
Needmorelego · 19/07/2023 12:06

@MerryMarigold where do you live? A UTC (university technical college - specialist schools from 14-19 year olds) might be a better environment for him. There is one at Silverstone (Northamptonshire) which is based around the car industry.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:00

Probably DT. Physics maybe, or engineering?

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 11:57

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow thanks for your input on the design side. I asked DS what he likes specifically about Product Design and he said "the design bit." So, he's in this place where he could do well in Product Design but should he continue with Maths and Physics just to get the PD one? Or should he start again. What course do you think would be good - to pursue design and combine that with passion for cars. It really is his passion, he knows so much about them.

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crazycrofter · 19/07/2023 11:55

Also bear in mind that medication isn’t the answer for everyone - ds felt very low when using it so he refused to. Unfortunately he’s classic ADHD and really struggles to focus, unless it’s one of his obsessions.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 11:49

@crazycrofter thanks for sharing your experience. It's great to hear how other parents are handling similar issues.

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Original poster
MerryMarigold · 19/07/2023 11:47

@ReleasetheCrackHen , he was diagnosed in Y3 and is now Y12. He isn't 'classic' ADHD, was diagnosed on the inattentive side but definitely tries his best to focus in school so it's not really been picked up on as an issue since he was very young. He does get very tired and overwhelmed by the end of a school day and with GCSE revision at kept it at 1 hr then breaks. He gets extra time but I'm not sure on what basis, need to ask school, I think it's processing and writing speed. I think he's quite complex and I'm not 100% convinced it's just ADHD, as the ASD traits seem strong plus possibly dyslexia and definitely dyspraxia - so I guess I don't want to push ADHD medication.

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Needmorelego · 19/07/2023 09:39

@CornishGem1975 but it also sounds like he needs a break from it to re-assess what he wants to do.

CornishGem1975 · 19/07/2023 09:31

Needmorelego · 17/07/2023 22:55

@MerryMarigold you say he hasn’t done any revision “today”. What on earth is he revising for with just a few days left of this academic year? The exams for this year a done. No wonder he is overwhelmed by it all. It’s about to be the summer holidays. I expect he might be given some assignments to do during the holiday but he doesn’t need to be constantly revising surely?
I don’t mean this to sound rude (apologies if it does) it just sounds over the top for the summer - let him have a break and enjoy the summer holiday.

Revising over the summer is hugely important, especially with lower mock grades. Our 6th form are reassessing early Autumn and will increase predicted grades for uni applications.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 09:28

ReleasetheCrackHen · 19/07/2023 06:16

Er, engineering IS design when it comes to cars.

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Not quite.

You can do a degree in car design that focuses on the aesthetics alongside the engineering. That’s what design is. A mix of function and aesthetics.

If he was doing just what’s under the bonnet that would be engineering.

crazycrofter · 19/07/2023 08:45

@MerryMarigold i can relate! My ds is a very different personality - totally focused on his busy social life and his gym routine - but is also headed for low grades next year and is in denial/unmotivated to do the work.

And he has ADHD and slow processing! Which I think is the key thing here. Ds is massively behind and needs to catch up, we had a ‘crisis’ meeting with school last week and he’s still only done a couple of hours of catch up since. We’ve talked about him giving up, or retaking year 12, but he just thinks it will all be fine.

I’ve looked for apprenticeships and there are some around. I really don’t want to see ds get Ds and Es. But the reality is, he can still apply for the type of apprenticeships that I’m looking at now, this time next year. If he does badly he’ll have to go for a level 3 apprenticeship instead of level 4. It won’t be the end of the world, although I agree it’s a waste of a year!

sashh · 19/07/2023 08:38

MerryMarigold · 18/07/2023 21:13

He has some weird rigid ideas (ASD?) and he thinks Maths and Physics is the only way into cars, alongside Product Design. Cars are his passion. He's also convinced he's not good at art (in the traditional sense, his drawing is not great, he's also dyspraxic) or that art is for girls (he's extremely insecure, bit his at going against the grain). Unfortunately his school didn't offer photography, which he'd have been great at. He just has a fantastic 'eye'.

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How's this for a plan.

Over summer he does 1-2 hours of revision, probably best using the maths genie website and he creates a photography portfolio?

It doesn't matter so much that he has not taken A Level photography but a portfolio can get you on to certain degrees. Start with photography and then possibly build up with other art / craft projects.

It's not an apprenticeship but this course would give him an idea of the skills he would need.

https://www.uwtsd.ac.uk/ba-automotive-design/

Automotive & Transport Design (BA) | UWTSD

https://www.uwtsd.ac.uk/ba-automotive-design

MurielThrockmorton · 19/07/2023 07:25

My DD cut her losses towards the end of the first year of A-levels, she probably has undiagnosed ADHD, and although she was okay with grades, she hated it, and she really struggled to do the work and couldn't see the point. I was fine with her leaving, it was during Covid so she worked in a café for a bit until that was shut down, then got an NHS apprenticeship and she's now thriving studying nursing though a foundation course. I know you said he doesn't want to go to university, but I worked out that DD would be able to do a foundation year in a range of subjects to overcome the lack of A-levels.

I also agree that you need to step back a bit, I think sometimes pressure from parents can push kids the other way and not take responsibility themselves for what they want to do, it can also create a more stressful home environment, which makes them less able to think logically. It is really difficult, though, and one of the reasons that I was happy for DD to leave was that I knew she had a great work ethic through her part-time job at the café and was confident she would find her way through things in the end.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 19/07/2023 06:17

@MerryMarigold
You haven’t answered my question regarding ADHD medication? It’s one of the conditions most helped by medication.