Upset child after induction day.

My eldest DD was one of three girls from her primary to go to the same (all girls) secondary and the other two girls ganged up and left her out. I think in the long run it helped her integrate with other, new friends more quickly.

@Sweetie1980 the thing about induction days is most kids are terrified, they stick to who they know even if they don't actually like that child. Both my sons went to a school where they knew no one. They are now out the other side, Ds1 is 20 and at uni and still friends with people he met in year 7, their group is about 20 strong with there being mini groups in that collective. Ds2 is 17 and at sixth form with 3 of the 4 friends he made in year 7. They all chat and game together outside of sixth form/uni.

What my sons' school did was hold an extra induction morning with parents and their children. The children were taken off to play some games together and mainly to show them that they were not the only child coming in from a non-feeder school. It meant that there were familiar faces when they started as they spent the morning together.

They also had a make new friends day which was an activity trip they did about 2 weeks into starting school where they deliberately broke apart the feeder school children into different groups to give everyone the chance to make new friends.

The class usually moves as one group from class to class before they are put in sets for English and maths so I told mine to stick with who they were sat next to. Primary is tiny, usually a class of 30 kids and your child is usually actually friends with a handful of them. When they get to secondary it opens up to hundreds of children and the chance for new friendships is much easier. Reassure him, get him to join some clubs, especially lunch time ones so he has somewhere to go. Ds2 said he just walked around the playground, there was a specific area for year 7s, and someone just caught his eye and started chatting to him. That is the same group of friends he has had all the way through. Lovely all of them.

Hi OP. My 3 DC's never knew anyone when they started secondary school. My DD was upset when she came out of the induction day. Of course I was worried but I knew the school is a great school. Caring etc.

She will be going into Year 11 and has the Same friends she made in Year 7. Both my DS's have made some lovely friends when they started in Year 7. They all were the only children going to this school. It is a big change for them but I am sure you DS will make some nice friends when he starts in September. Wish him lots of happiness in his new school and he settled quickly.

Is there a way he can meet up with them during summer holidays

A class wats app group set up ? Facebook group etx

There will be a nice bunch doing music, you can be sure about that. It's so difficult when they don't know anyone. I signed my son up for a music tour abroad this summer with his band and assumed most of them would be going, turns out he knows no one in his tour group and I didn't have a single name to put down on the form about who he wants to share a room with. I feel absolutely sick about that and am hoping that he won't have an awful week.
In your son's case probably all those who knew each other were holding on for dear life, it will be different in September.

High school teacher of 20 years here - we are all eyes and ears the first few weeks, looking out for any children on their own and helping them join in with like-minded children. We think carefully about seating plans to match children together (and unmatch in some cases).
Encourage him to join all the clubs he might be interested in to start with and maybe go to homework club too (usually just an afterschool space to use computers and print). The library is always a place where lovely kind children are to be found.

Oh, bless his heart. It's such a stressful time for them. My DS went to secondary with about 90% of his primary school class. By the end of the first half-term they'd all scattered and made new friends, whether by just drifting apart or falling out and forming new 'tribes', and now at the end of Y11 he still talks to precisely one of them! Being in music groups will help massively, but if there's any way you can contact even one or two other parents over the summer so he has a couple of familiar faces on the first day, that would be a big help. If you have contact details for his new Head of Year or form tutor, drop them an email asking if there are any other kids in a similar position and whether they could pass your details on. We had an issue with DS being put in a form with his primary school bully and away from all his friends - they were given the form details in July, so I emailed his form tutor and he was moved straight away.

From a different view... my daughter passed the exam for the local private girls high school but unfortunately l didn't get a bursary and being a single parent l couldn't afford the fees.
So l asked the head teacher which high school she reccomend for my daughters ability. I applied for the school and she got a place.
She was the only one from her primary school. She hated it but always played things close to her chest..she was bullied and called a swot because she came top in almost every subject.. Her mental health suffered and she began self harming..myself and the teachers only found out when there was a uniform inspection and the teacher noticed cuts.. how she never told me and hid all this..l never knew even though we were and still are so so close.. and to this day she cant understand why she never told me how unhappy she was without her primary school friends...anyhow l pulled her from the school and home educated until she got a place at a school with her friends.. she went to CAHMS( useless) but with a lot of love and support from me she flourished.

I knew nobody when I went to secondary school. I made some friends in the first year (as it was then) who I stayed friendly with, but I didn't meet my real tribe until second year, when they rearranged the forms and I met some girls I hadn't previously met, and through them also got to know some others in another form.

I don't know about the boys, but none of the girls stuck exclusively to their primary school gang; everyone mixed.

So my advice would be to be friendly to everyone, join in things if asked, but don't worry if it takes time to establish real and lasting friendships.

Oh, and if he sees another boy on his own at lunchtime, go up and speak to him! He might be feeling equally lost and lonely and wanting a friend.

I think for induction they stick with who they know. That’ll open up once they’re in classes properly so don’t worry. Also, with phones he can keep in touch with existing friends through the summer.

Keep searching Facebook for year 7 groups for this September for the school. Hopefully there is one you can join. Then usually someone creates a what's app for each class and a kids what's app too. Maybe see if you can post something on your local Facebook noticeboard too about who is going to XYZ school in September and would like to meet etc. Good luck

For induction days, kids who know each other will stick together because they are also nervous! They were so caught up in their own nerves they likely didn’t notice him. This will be different when lessons start.

my son struggled a bit in y7 - I contacted the school and they set him up with a ‘buddy’ who met up with him at lunch for a bit. Then he bumped along with other kids in his learning group and some friends of friends. He was happy but not completely settled.

now he is nearing the end of y8 and has more friends than he has ever had! He met them through STEM club and also when he was put in sets this year. He has a lovely gang of like minded boys he hangs out with. It sounds like encouraging your son in his music will help him to meet his crew.

definitely let the school know about your worries - they could ask teachers to sit him
near certain students in class to encourage him for example. But don’t worry.

I suggest enrol him in summer holiday clubs where he might make friends with kids from the new school before term starts, and even if not has had a distraction from worrying about it.

There were 4 from my daughters primary school and they were all split up. Only 2 in my sons year. On day 1 they both made new friends and have a great friendship group. Encourage him to sign up for clubs so he finds the people with shared interests. He will be fine

Does the school have forms? Usually, they split up kids coming from feeder schools. My dd is in same position, but we got a head start in meeting and contacting people to make friends. She also knows some faces via her sports and art (but does not know them well). Best way to make friends fast is to join a lot of clubs/sports etc. And make an effort early on.

My son moved to a secondary school from an area with the middle school system. He was one of only two children in the year not to be coming from one of the two feeder primaries.

They were put into their classes on induction day which I think helped. Also he knew a 6th former and a year 10 student from his theatre group who sought him out and took him to the music department. By the first couple of weeks the music kids had all found each other and became a small but strong friendship group.

Hi OP.

Your son is only little so it's not quite the same thing but I was in a similar situation going into 6th form. (I also went there for the music opportunities.)

In my experience, in the first few weeks kids will probably stick with the kids they already know from primary school and then they will all start to branch out and make other friends.

I was actually thinking about my class from primary school the other night. The group of girls from our class almost all went to the same secondary school but got spread out over 7 different tutor groups. They all ended up making different friends from other primary schools and some of them are still friends now, bridesmaids at each other's weddings etc.

If your son is doing music he's even more likely to meet other kids who share his interests and make a lovely bunch of new friends that way.

It's scary but I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine.

Yr7 is a roller coaster. Friends made, remade, it's an emotional time for the vast majority.
Almost everyone is in the same position. Be friendly and open to conversations, join clubs, be brave even when you don't feel it.
It all works out in the end.
My DD had a good transition day and then was blanked by the kid who had been her buddy on the day.

As a teacher I am sure he will make new friends in September but in order to help reassure him is there any activity - maybe music related - that he could go on over summer holidays so he can experience going to something without friends and have a positive outcome ? So he doesn't spend all summer worrying

Excellent advice from @HavfrueDenizKisi. I'd add something my DD was told during some transition prep sessions she did (autistic and got some generic preparation classes from the LA mental health team). It was about always keeping in mind when making friends in secondary what makes a good friend and how you would act as a friend. Then think if the people you are talking to are acting the same. If you're a bit lonely it's easy to latch on to people who are not good friends just because they talk to you. And then you end up with a toxic group. I thought that was good advice.

Both my kids hated their induction days. They were also the only ones coming from their primary.

Brace yourself as yr 7 is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs but by the end they've usually made a good group of friends.

The truth is you have to teach them to go in each day and be smiling, approachable, chatty to people asking them about themselves and you have to be honest with them, it's hard work to start.

Yr 6 kids are sold a myth that they'll meet their tribe in Yr 7. Generally they will find people like them in secondary but it doesn't happen instantly and it can be a rocky road to get there.

Reassure him that once everyone starts they are as keen as him to make new friends. But that they'll stick to old ones for the first part because that's more comfortable for them. (So would he if he had a friend with him). It's not a reflection on him but he has to keep being approachable and open. Even if he feels the total opposite. It's what we do as adults when we meet a group of new people, we are just more experienced at those moments.

We moved to a different city between Y6 and Y7 so DD1 knew no-one at all at home or school. She made new friends very quickly. The music element will be very helpful as music depts tend to be their own communities, with lots of extra curricular group activities to join, orchestra, choir etc. your son probably won't have seen this on the induction day.

Poor lad, really hard for him but I’m sure once he’s in his class things will be easier. Usually transition days are for getting to know the school/teachers and your class and having fun. they are measured for uniforms too.

My son is transitioning to high school too and the 3 days were planned out and letter sent home with what to expect. It’s designed for the kids to be relaxed and enjoy it and hopefully make some friends. Shame they did tests etc can’t see the point in that. My son has asd so no idea how he got on but he seemed ok about it all afterwards. Perhaps provide some feedback about what your son has felt and at least someone noticed he was alone. Hate to think of kids feeling like that at school I hope he makes friends and settles in aug/sept