Upset child after induction day.

Some schools run a summer school for a few days before the start of term it might be worth asking, this was offered to my daughter as she was one of just a handful of pupils starting the school and struggles a little with transition.

Make sure he's meeting new people both inside and outside school. Get him to join some clubs that pull from a different crowd for example.

I’m not there yet with DS but dreading things like this, I can imagine how sorry you feel for him after a tough day.

As other have said and if it’s any consolation.. I went to secondary from a feeder primary. Loads of us knew each other already. I remember that in a very short space of time we had all formed completely new friendship groups and old groups had dissolved. It’s fascinating to look back on it now but secondary is a big melting pot and an opportunity to meet new people. I’m sure he will find his tribe.

Oh, how I remember this, OP - September 1976 - as if it were yesterday!

I came to a huge secondary school of over a thousand pupils (age 11-16) from a very small local junior school where I knew everyone.
I had spent the summer hols before absolutely terrified of the change and when I got there, I was so scared, it felt like I just couldn’t speak at all! I don’t think I uttered a word for days, the older pupils seemed so worldly and noisy and just so BIG!
I knew virtually no-one and we seemed so split up (8 first year classes) that I barely saw anyone I knew.
It took about 2 weeks to start to lose the knot of anxiety & “breathe out” and settle in a little, the school seemed to mix us around so we met loads of random new-starters in the same boat.

I ended up enjoying my time there, had a good group of friends, several very close friends, a couple of boyfriends ( and many crushes ) over my 5 years and think fondly back at my time there. Your DC will be fine, I promise!
It is a huge step, but we’ve all been there!
Good Luck x

I can understand why he is feeling like that. Most of people from my junior school went to my secondary so it was really reassuring to know people on day 1. Yet within a week or two my 'best friends' were people who were in my form that I'd never met before.

I recently saw someone on our local FB group asking if anyone else had children going to a particular school out of our area as their DC didn't know anyone else going, with a view to meeting up over the summer break and there were several positive responses. Might that help?

My daughter did the same . Only one from her primary by Xmas had loads of new friends and perfectly happy. OTOH my other daughter went with all her primary friends but was in no lasses with them anyway. Soon made new ones

Is there a summer school or anything? They can sometimes help with friendships.

also, please do contact the school - maybe suggest they do an extra after school session for any child who’s coming alone from a primary? My old school did this, parents and kids, hot chocolate and snacks, and it really helped those kids who knew no one

Honestly, he'll be fine. Both my kids had friends going into secondary and within the first week had a whole new group of friends. After the first term had different friends and by the last term was friends with the whole year. He'll be reet.

I can give you experiences from both sides of the 'primary school friends' fence.

One of my DS's friends joined the secondary school they both attend as the only child from his primary school. Which was also a very small village school. Secondary school is one of the largest in this part of the country.

DS joined with most of the kids from his primary school as it was a feeder. But, not one of the old classmates was in his Year 7 class.

Both of the boys have just finished their GCSEs, have very good groups of friends (though they are mates with each other they have a separate group of year friends).

So, whilst there will be feeder school primary students at the school, some of them will be split from their 'best' friends or even classmates they get on with. They'll be feeling like your DS as they won't be sitting with people they know (or possibly like very much). They'll all soon gravitate towards each other.

I agree with the idea of getting into some summer school activities. That's actually where DS and the boy mentioned above met. His mum put him in so he'd have some people to at least say hi to on the first day.

This is so common OP! My DS knew one boy from his primary, but they weren't particular friends and were put in different classes, so it didn't help. He was also worried about making friends and was quite down about the whole transition, but it didn't take him long to make friends once he started. The transition to secondary is so fraught and going to a school where you know no one (or almost no one) does make it a bit harder initially, but tbh those kids who do know someone often end up making new friends anyway and schools are very good at mixing everyone up to basically put them all in the same boat.

I am a head of year, at the moment for year 7. We had a number of students arrive completely on their own. I know it’s worrying for parents, but please believe me when I say your DC will be fine. They will find their tribe, will fall in and out of friendships before Christmas, but ultimately will be ok. You could contact the school and ask if there are others arriving on their own. I put those students all in the same mentor group, which seemed to help those tricky first weeks. Hope all goes well.

My DS was the same - his best mates were going to the local secondary school and we sent him to the grammar school 8 miles away. The induction was awful and he spent the entire summer telling me I'd ruined his life. I felt awful and I promised him if he hated it we would move him (which I would have done) but we really thought it was the right school for him. We were right thank goodness and he has thrived there despite lockdown starting in his first year. He's still mates with his primary school friends which is great. TBH I wish I'd never sent him on the induction as the fall out and stress from that for both him and me over summer 2019 were awful (and ultimately unnecessary).

My son actively chose a different secondary school from the local one, he knew a couple of boys from football but didn’t have any close friends. He also started at the school late as he didn’t originally get a place and so we moved him when a place came up. Friendship groups change at senior school and they tend to find their “tribe”. They sit with different people in different classes and will get split from their primary school friends. Now 18 he’s got a solid group of around 8-9 friends from school, none of whom he knew before he started.

My children had extra induction days as there were anxious children.

Maybe your school does the same?

I went to secondary school with 6 other people from primary school and I would say we only really stuck together for a few days before we made other friends and went out separate ways, obviously we still spoke but had other friends we went out with

I have a son who's now in year 8 going into year 9. Thanks to Covid he didn't get induction days at his secondary school and like your son he didnt know anyone before he started there. He's doing good and made friends. He'll be ok once he finds his feet

Why are they going to a different school from his current class mates?

My youngest son started at secondary school with six other boys from his primary school. By the end of the first term he was really only close with one of them (no bad feelings or anything, but all of the boys formed new friendship groups). Your DS will be fine, especially since he will easily meet ppl through music.

The only person my eldest DD knew when she went to high school was the girl who had mercilessly bullied her since nursery.
She made friends on the first day (and the bully was permanently excluded by Christmas)
My eldest DS was also the only kid from his primary to join year 7 at this particular school, but by that time they had a "summer camp" in the 6 week holiday which was a week where the kids could go and do fun activities. It's great for making friends . Perhaps you could see if the school offer something like that.

On taster days kids tend to stick with who they know and have come along with from their primary school. However, when school actually starts and they are put into their forms they start to get to know each other properly and new friendships are made. On my taster day I ended up with a teacher say next to me during lunch. He must have seen I was alone and felt sorry for me. Yet, when I actually started in the September everyone was open to making new friends and I made friendships I still have today. I'm sure he'll make friends via the music interest.

Easier said than done, I know, but try not to worry. DS was the only one from his primary who went to his secondary. He did quietly say he wished he was going to the secondary most of his friends were going to to, but after only about a fortnight he said he was glad he went to the school he did. Also non footy playing type, and he made some great friends he still keeps in touch with on social media, although they are now all at different Unis, or working, or travelling around.

No, a lot of changes happen when they go to secondary school and friendship groups quickly reshuffle. I knew a few people who went up to year 7 with their absolute beasties from primary school. They started out joined at the hip, but quickly lost interest in each other and by the end of the year they all had new friends. Your son won't be the only one who doesn't know anybody and besides, friendship groups don't have to be exclusive - just because two or three people already know one another doesn't mean there won't be room for one more.

Does your son find it hard to make friends in general or is he very anxious as a rule? I would be more concerned about his reaction than anything else.

Is he starting at a private school? I'm just asking because you mentioned he got in because of his music and doing a CAT test on the induction day. Private schools often have a buddy system and either a student from the year above or one from his year ( who is from the junior school) contacts them during the summer holiday and helps them find their feet.
My ds has an induction day at his middle school ( most of his lower school y4 were there) and he came out really upset and crying that he'd been bullied. He is ND and had speech delay. When he started he never mentioned bullying and seemed to enjoy his time there ( though me being a bad mum got the date they started in September wrong and he had to creep in at 11am!)

My daughter moved up to secondary on her own as did I and my husband. She's coming to the end of Y7 now and absolutely loves it. Had a little wobble at the beginning but has made a small, close knit group of friends and has loved having a "fresh start". Lots of reassurance and listening to worries will get u a long way.

Is the school running anything during the summer holidays. or as another poster said are there clubs being held which might include intake from that school