Upset child after induction day.

This was my son two years ago. He went to a Catholic primary. Most of his friends went to the Catholic secondary. He was the only one from his school who came up to his current secondary school. I was worried about him, but it turned out to be much better than I even imagined. He was able to reinvent himself. He’s got so many friends now, and he’s just expanding his friends group by doing stuff outside of school like scouting and raf cadets. He’s so happy. Don’t worry about your son. I’m sure he will make loads of friends in the first few days.

My DDs had no anxiety snd they boarded. It’s a natural progression to go to secondary. Just have a plan B if it really doesn’t work out. Caring and strict do not go together for me. Doing tests is a bit much. Did parents/Dc know in advance?

The transition to seniors is REALLY hard! Especially if your son is going up without friends!…
And they did CATS on induction day?? What?!? That doesn’t sound like a very thoughtful school! I thought my DD’s school was bad enough doing them in the first couple of weeks there!
My DD has suffered lots of anxiety since starting seniors. Get him as much support as possible,

Good luck to him. I think the excitement of success can be tempered by reality! He’s probably looking at his friends going off together and realising he’s not going with them. It will be tough for a bit but I am assuming he did want this scholarship and this school? Was the local school awful?

DD1 boarded and knew no one. A few knew each other but she was the only one from a state school. So everyone was quite interested in that. DD2 only knew her sister. They definitely didn’t struggle to make friends. I guess it seems daunting but y7 is a massive shakedown of friendships. New children do find they have similar interests and surely he will find a music crowd! There’s often so much to do, finding like minded dc isn’t an issue.

one School I visited had two induction events - one for children who were the only ones from their primary and one regular one. Obviously that is too late now but you could ask the school whether or not there will be other only children in the form

DD went to secondary with her bestie from primary, and several other school 'friends'. They were put in the same class to help them settle. All was great for a month or two, but then her best friend found another one, and they were all mean to DD, and everything went pear shaped.

DD was used to being a popular and happy kid at primary, and spent a few weeks being devastated after finally realising life wasn't always as easy as she had experienced until then. Luckily she then found a new friendship group - and while there have been the usual teenage issues - she has really had little to do with any of her primary school 'friends' since. She is now year 10.

I know that thinking you will have your friends with you is bound to be a comfort for Year 6 kids - but in reality I think most of them move on and find their real people. How you explain that to them though, I'm not sure......

Hope your DS is fine!

Lots of tips on here including making friends:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/tags/zh4wy9q/starting-secondary-school/1

My son is the only one from his 3 form primary going to an 8 form secondary. At the parent induction quite a few parents said their children were the only ones from their primary - then the Head of Year told me that they had 40 different feeder schools! I was quite surprised, but they were such a welcoming school and my son loved his transition day there so really hopeful for September.
We had no choice on the school, we listed them in order of distance from our house and this was the one we were offered. Appealed for our closest where all his friends are going (with some strong educational arguments) but were refused.
I hope your son isn’t upset about this over the summer and that he has a brilliant time when he starts in September.

My son is just finishing year 7. He is high functioning autistic. Had one very good friend at primary who went to a different secondary.
Neary every other child in his class went to his school. He has nothing to do with nearly all of them now. Had made loads of new friends.
I was so anxious and we’ve had tough moments but I’m so happy with how he’s getting on now.
The pastoral team do a fantastic job and are very experienced at this.

My DD is the same - only one from her primary going to her secondary and she also has SEN. I joined the school year 7 FB group and suggested a get together. We’ve had a couple and a few more planned for over the summer. It has helped with giving her some familiar faces. No friendships yet but she at least knows some names and they know hers.

My daughter was the only one from her primary school going to her secondary school. She had her sister 2 years above her so she at least knew her but no-one in her year.

She's year 8, going into year 9 in September and she has the best small group of friends now, more than she had in primary school and much better quality so while I understand to him it seems like the end of the world from my experience it really won't be.

I think it's quite a normal feeling.
I remember at my induction day, which was in September, coming out with the worst migraine I'd ever had at that point and thinking that if I couldn't cope with the induction (only year 7s and prefects in, and a shortened day) I would never cope with a real day.

Actually once I started properly, I was fine.

My now y9 DD didn’t get an induction day due to Covid. She went as one of about 12 from her primary to a school where the year group is over 200. She was put in a form class with her best friend who is a school refuser so she never sees her. Both her and the friend are autistic and I did worry about her making friends but she seemed to find ‘her people’ fairly quickly. None in her form group which she says is a total nightmare of a group. She sees no one now from her primary. Her friendship group has changed and developed over the last few years. Girls fall in and out. She joined her interest group as an after school activity and has friends in other year groups now - also autistic as I think the autistic girls seem to gravitate to each other no matter which year group they are if they have similar interests.

My y6 DD has her induction next week and will find out her tutor group. It’ll be interesting to see how this goes with the eldest never getting the induction. There’s only about 4 from her class going to be there next week and highly unlikely they’ll be on the same tutor groups. The others (about 8) from her class going to that school are actually on their y6 residential which my DD has opted out of. Shame it clashed. She knows kids from other schools through Brownies and Guides so I’m hoping she might make a new friend on the induction. Her sister will be in another part of the school so can’t check up on her at lunch time (they aren’t allowed in that area).

She went today with just her class for a tour and assembly and brought some transition work home.

We moved house immediately before I started the first year of Grammar school. I'd never seen or been to the school, never met any staff, and knew no other pupils at all.

It was absolutely fine. I soon made friends, including one who is still my friend over 60 years later.

This happened to my son and it did take a few weeks to settle but he made friends with other kids in the same boat and now loves it. He ll be fine xx

both my kids went to the catchment school, so they knew a reasonable number of people from primary.
DS1 hung out with them for the first term, then made new friends, and now in year 13 has nothing to do with any of the primary lot.
Ds2 is now in year 9 and also made new friends, but his best friends are still the ones he was at primary with.

Was there a specific reason you’re sending your son to a different school?

Generally (particularly lads for some unknown reason) make completely different friendship groups in secondary school.....along the lines of people in their classes. It feels bad for him now but it will work itself out. Some schools do a week in the summer to help with this (fun lessons/activities) ....sometimes these can be done locally which although not ideal may still help.

All the Best

Once they get allotted their form it will be different. Not everyone will know each other and it will be much less overwhelming

speak to your son's primary school - they should be doing handovers and helping with transition so will be able to reach out to the transition coordinator at the new school and let them know he's struggling. I had this last year with my eldest and again this year with middly - they are both shy kids who don't do change well so I've put in extra work speaking to their teachers to try to make it as easy as I can for them - and to reassure you, eldest will now admit that she prefers secondary to primary (result!), as my kiddos teacher said, the secondary want the kids to settle in quickly and be happy because that makes for better learning outcomes and better attendance so they will do whatever they can to help - it may be that they can place DS in a class with someone else they know to be on their own and introduce them as buddies for the first few weeks for example. Its so hard for us as parents, its our primary driver to make sure our kiddos are happy and if you've got one who either doesn't do change well and/or is shy, transition to secondary can seem insurmountable!

I was one of three kids from my primary school in a new school, and none were in my class which (in first year) meant I never saw them. Alongside this about 50% of kids came from this huge primary school and all knew eachother. But I honestly think it was good for me. Tough making friends at first but now I have a group of new friends and I’m actually only friends with 2 friends from primary school and neither of them went to my secondary! Things work out. My dp and half my friends came from that large primary school too

Both of my DS went to a secondary school that none of the their primary school friends were going to and I had my concerns at first but honestly with in the first week of being in school in the September they made new friends, they grow and change so much in the first school year at secondary I really wouldn’t worry he will be fine honestly the school holidays he is going to feel anxious they all do, reassurance is all you can do until he starts, I’m sure there will be other kids in the same position as your DS.