How do you prepare an 11 year old girl for getting the bus to school alone?

If I suggested to my daughter about sitting on the aisle, it would be for when the bus is really empty. She’s already had a weirdo sitting next to her when there was hardly anyone on the bus as it happens.

And I really think kids shouldn't be taught to be selfish on the bus - sitting on the outside putting bags on seats etc. The vast majority of people getting on to the bus aren't totally weird and disabilities/passengers needing a seat aren't always that visible. I'm not particularly old but I struggle to balance standing - I try not to occupy priority seats at busy times if there are others available. I often see people, often youngish adults as well as kids, who seem to be using headphones to block out people who might ask them to move. Most people won't try to make small talk for the sake of it if you read a book, or even hold a book/phone etc as if reading, but you can hear bus announcements etc. Shame on parents who think it's ok to teach that behaviour on buses and tubes, as well as on adults of all ages who do it themselves.

By the way, in London you can look up bus routes and check the number and the names of the stops on the route, and Google Maps and TFL both give details of stop(s) where you need to change - and you can find where you can swap buses directly or if you need to cross a road or walk round a corner to continue your journey. When I do two bus journeys I can find out, not only whether I'll need to wait long for a second bus, but even sometimes where the routes overlap by more than one stop, which will give me a chance of changing buses without waiting around.

As well as practice journeys to school, maybe try and do some other journeys by bus. Look at transport websites to try and plan journeys.

For anyone reading this who is in London/in the Transport for London area which extends out to outer London boroughs, and isn't aware, under 11s travel free with an adult. Over 11s need an Oyster Zip card - apply through TFL with a small admin charge and do it well in advance, and then they get all bus journeys including those to school completely free. Money can be put on the card as for other Oyster cards to pay for very discounted Tube and overground journeys. \

Outside TFL areas, local websites should have lots of information about buses including available passes, and I think learning to use those is part of useful skills for kids.

We live even nearer our kids' secondary school than to their old primary - 5 minutes walk, but we don't have a car, and our boys hadn't really used public transport much on their own before they were 11, but DS1 has used it a lot to visit friends, and I think DS2 (14, year 10) has used buses to get to other places for events like school sports day. DS1 did have to make an adjustment to travelling at rush hour and needing to be in school by a certain time for 6th form, 2 buses away. The journey should take 40-45 minutes but there can be problems - he's now learned that leaving 10 minutes earlier improves his chances considerably!

I'd do a the journey with her a few times, then let her do it on her own with you in the back round. She should be fine.

Do you know the times for the induction day? They didn't need to be there until 9.30 at DDs school at year (so parents could drop off siblings first, since there were no school buses from outlying villages for them) and they finished at 2.30.

It's not great to chuck her in at the deep end on the induction day - we expect them to be collected, rather than wave them off in the hope that they don't get lost on the first day they've ever been there. Can her father not go into work an hour later and then pick her up for one day?

Loads of people who have cars don't uses buses regularly.

Apart from a park and ride at Christmas, I can't think when I was last on a bus, maybe 6 years ago when I visited Edinburgh I guess. I drive, walk or take a train.

OP - are none of her schoolmates going to the same school?

This. Or breakfast club

Blimey. Unless there is some other issue one trial trip, led by her, in the summer should be enough. Do you not use buses regularly?

So I did the journey with them, then also sent them a few stops from home to get me some shopping to make sure they were confident on their own (did lots of this in may half term). Then when they were confident doing this alone they tried the school bus independently. By the September it wasn't an issue.

Explain that she will probably have to+cross a road to get the bus back and not carry on in the same direction.

Is this London (or somewhere with less reliable/frequent bus services)?

I recommend doing at least part of the route on Streetview to recognise where the bus is. Most London bus routes seem to announce the next stop (but I don't think that is the norm in the rest of the country).

DD(15) has a smartphone so used to pop google maps with a traffic/transit overlay whilst on a bus to make sure she knew where to get off a bus.

Personally I would shift heaven and earth to try to accompany DC to yr11 taster. Even if it took a day of annual leave.

Make sure that she knows how to pay for her fare (not sure that our buses take cash); app or card or apple/google pay.

Does the younger child not have a friend you could drop her off at? For the induction day?

The town I live in is small enough not to need buses(if you have a bike) , and has train links with most of the local towns and cities. Trains are no problem for my DC. Buses throw up all sorts of problems though, to the point that DD will not get a bus from the station to our house!

Sit near the front by the driver or near another (normal looking) woman that might be on her way to work (uniform, smartly dressed) buses by mine tend to be jam packed with school kids at these peak times so stick with friends.
Give the driver plenty of notice when her stop is coming up.
If a weirdo does try to talk to her, approach a safe looking adult and pretend to know them, this has helped me before.
Other then that maybe some walks the shops and back solo, if you go to a retail park - you stay in the car and let her go in and pick up items and pay and gain some independence.
Hope she enjoys big school!

Well my dd is ND and has social anxiety so it would cause her a big issue if someone sat next to her - and older ppl are quite likely to chat in that scenario, which would fill her with horror.

I appreciate that for many dc this is not an issue (tho for more than people might think) but the question was asked about where to sit to avoid awkward situations and if no one sits next to you then they cannot make you uncomfortable.

I don’t personally have an issue with old people getting the bus. I even am one myself sometimes.

Actually dd says sit towards the back (but not right at the back) or you get old ppl sitting next to you.

OLD PEOPLE!!!! Oh the horror! How dare old people get on a bus and sit next to someone!!! They should all just stay at home and never go out!

I strongly disagree with the advice to wear headphones. She needs to be able to hear any announcements, and be aware of what is going on around her.

I tell my dd to get off the bus and catch the next one if someone is bothering them or feels scary. If they are followed, they should go into a shop and explain they are scared and a strange adult is following them to the person behind the counter.

In practical terms, practice the journey. Practice the back up journey. Talk about what to do in different scenarios (eg bus terminates early, their bus stop is shut, in the worst case find the nearest coffee shop, take a breath and text you for advice if there’s chaos and they don’t know what to do).

Thanks so much all for your great advice. I agree with the PP - strategies for dealing with creepy entitled men who think it's their right to freak out children is an essential part of their education unfortunately :(

I'm always surprised that ordinary people don't seem to use busses anymore.

On the day she has to attend the new school you get a friend to take your younger DC. Beg, plead and offer a play date in return. Your DH can then go on the bus with your DD.

Then take your DD on the bus a few times until she is confident.

I had this issue with DD starting secondary school. I thought she would have one school bus, but it looked like she would have to take two public buses at one point. We did a trial and it was a disaster. I asked for advice on MN and was asked if DD had SEN. Well, yes she does, but still she was a child who had just turned 11 years old who was not used to busses, and the town she had to change busses in. It's a MASSIVE deal for any child that age. It's not a 1.5 mile wander down the road, calling for your mate on the way.

Practice, practice, practice OP. And find anyone else who might be taking the same bus. Knowing there is an older teen going to the same school who is able to look out for your DD could be a godsend.

I work in transport.

Sit near the front, just not in a priority seat. Can shout to the driver if somethings wrong.

The biggest thing to talk about is unpredictability of public transport. Buses can be late, or not turn up. Have a plan for this - who does she call, what does she do. Is there an app which shows the real time of the buses to see when the bus will be coming/when the next bus is. Show her how to look up the bus timetable.

sometimes buses can be diverted due to road closures etc - planned and unplanned. Check the journey before she goes to make sure all ok. For unplanned closures, emergencies etc, talk to her about what to do. If a closure means she can’t get off at her usual stop teach her to talk to the driver - they get a bad rep but most will help a child.

make sure she knows the route between home and the bus stops, and then from the bus stop to the school if it’s not a dedicated school bus. Work out how long each walk takes, and calculate that with the bus times. Add in extra time for getting out of school at the end of the day.

biggest thing is to use her voice. I have so many parents call to say there was an issue with their child getting on/off the bus at the wrong place which would all have been avoided if they’d spoken to the driver. Kids will often just panic and get off if something looks different - teach her to stop, not panic, and ask for help.

Seriously? You do the route with her on a day, or even push the boat out and do two days, when you and/or DH aren't too busy. You've got TWO MONTHS!!

Sometimes I can't believe the absolute rubbish I read on Mumsnet.

I echo this - wear headphones, look straight ahead and don't engage with weird men. It's not mollycoddling to prepare 11 year old schoolgirls for that, unfortunately

I agree and prioritising her with something new isn't moddycoddling her, it's being a responsible and kind parent.