Am I weird to ask about the screen time setting of the school iPad?

Dodgeitornot
Agree with you. What another parent has or hasn't said about their child shouldn't come into it.
There's absolutely no reason for another parent to share what OP has done with OP's child.

This was my first assumption too.

I guess you won't know for sure, there's so many variables that could've caused this. It could've been bitchy parents or one kid who told all the others and they all said you're weird. It's hard to know but please know you did nothing wrong.

@CCCT Sure but the kids shouldn't know why their parents are checking their iPads.

Yh parents can be strange and tbh it sounds like you've been unlucky. If the kids are ok to go up to your child and call you weird than they're bringing that from home. We've never had anything like this and I, alongside other parents, have asked far more intrusive things than checking if an iPad setting is broken or hacked.

Can't be trusted?"
Anything divulged via a parents' group is hardly top secret information.
It's not top secret and I doubt anyone thinks it is, but unfortunately always a couple of parents who feel the need to tell their DC anything and everything about their peers.
Apparently these parents aren't capable of applying common sense.

There's an obvious difference between:
"DC, one of the parents has asked about something that happened in maths. Do you know what happened?"
And
"Tommy's mummy is asking about parental controls on technology".

The child doesn't need to know the second. If the parent had a technical question it could be asked without naming the child concerned. But some parents like to be the bitchy ones so it's no surprise if their children end up being unkind.

"Can't be trusted?"
Anything divulged via a parents' group is hardly top secret information.

I mention things raised in my parents' group to my DD all the time. Generally because I want to see if it's a thing she knew or that had affected her. Didn't occur to me that I should be keeping it solely in the group.

Dodgeitornot You might be right! Either way these other parents clearly can't be trusted to keep group stuff in the group.

@CatJumperTwat I think the problem is it seemed something on the iPad had changed, so OP wanted to ask the other parents about their settings, in case her daughter had broken or unlocked something. I don't think the OP goes ok the parent chat to ask what their kids time limits are.

We are obviously much stricter than many. Screens are downstairs before 10 in this house! But judging from the amount of beeping, many kids are still messaging way past 10pm.
It's not something I'd ask other parents about tho - it's our rules, rather than a law, so we stick with what works for us.

What else have you asked about in the group?

I'm on a school group for my DD's year. The main thing to realise is that the views of the parents will potentially be very wide ranging depending on the intake of the school. My DD goes to a very large, diverse (in all senses of the word) comprehensive school. There is a huge range of different types of parents with different opinions and ways of doing things on the list and I absolutely can't assume that the other parents (or even the majority of parents) will share any particular view that I have. It's not like mixing with friends where you will tend to pick people with at least some crossover in views and beliefs. Consequently I'm really careful about what I write and don't offer up anything that is an opinion or a indication of my parenting values as I know some parents will take offense or be affected by it.
If your child goes to e.g. a small private school you might find that other parents are more aligned to your way of thinking.

When you asked about the parental controls you subconsciously said "hey, I'm a parent who cares about parental controls". Some parents will find it funny that you bother. Some parents will feel that you're judging them for not caring about parental controls. Some parents will feel that your are performance parenting and it will have put their back up. Other parents will take the request as you'd intended it, as simply a request for information.

Well you don't know that OP. Embarrass may be the wrong word but there are lots of parents who would sneer at that comment and probably follow with asking their own daughter who's mum that is. There was a thread on here a couple of months ago, a mum was asking for advice on how to introduce screens for when her Y6 DD joins secondary school. The hate and sneering she got was ridiculous.

I assure you, your question was not weird. What is weird is the kids knowing you asked and calling you weird. Those aren't nice friends and they don't sound like they have the nicest mums.

Honestly, my guess is that you’ve embarrassed another parent and made them question their own decision (or lack of it) and they’ve therefore sneered about it openly. The kind of person who does this is likely to have sneering DC. I suggest this because I’m aware of at least one Mum of a Y5 who has laughed to other parents (and probably her DC as she has form for this) about how we’re babying DS (said generally of the third of the class) because he doesn’t have a smartphone like her (oh so very trendy) 9 year olds.

@CCCT Yh it's a bit weird that a bunch of them told your DD that you're weird. Even if their parents didn't say that, they don't sound like kind kids and it's strange that more than one mentioned it.
I stand by the fact it's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask other parents. In fact that's the sort of things those groups are for.

I think what you did is perfectly normal. I'd have assumed the school iPad has a preset time limit and would want to check this with other parents in case my DD has changed it or there's something I need to know.
I think it's strange the parents have shared this with their daughters. They sound very bitchy.

At least as likely at least one other parent has gone:
"Oh heck, I assumed it would have a cut off time, dd/ds can I see your iPad to check." <checks> Ds/dd asks why they want to know etc.

I'd rather they left it to parents to set it and enforce it. I wouldn't want it so I couldn't change it at all. My dc have a cut off for internet, earlier than 10pm, but there are times when they have come down and said that they're working on something can they have an extra half an hour. Or something happened earlier (like internet going down) and they need to get something finished.
My dc work better with a late night than an early morning, and I would want to have that choice in such circumstances.

Our Y7 parents chat was full of that sort of question and lots of people asking advice about WhatsApp, TikTok etc.

So at least one of their parents has told their kid that you turn off your daughter's iPad at night, presumably in a negative way? I would stop sharing anything in that group
Same here. I can't stand parents who seem to think they need to share the details of other children and parental conversations with their children.
It screams I'm not like the other parents. I'm a cool parent.

because it is completely normal for teens and preteens to try and make their parents think they are the odd one out with perfectly standard rules