Single vs co-ed

I much prefer co-ed, but really that’s just a hunch based on my own co-ed experience and the uni students and subsequently men and women I’ve met since then, I’d never pretend to know that co-ed is objectively better or anything like that.

Was in a similar place two years ago, DD an only child from a mixed primary, all her friends in primary were girls, and we were applying to a range of selective indies in London.

We eventually went for all girls, partly influenced by various statistics on low take up of STEM subjects by girls in mixed schools. We had no idea (and still don't) whether DD will like maths, physics etc at A level, but wanted to remove at least one factor that is shown to influence subject choices adversely.

It was also the year when Everyone's Invited started and going through some of the testimonies from girls in London mixed indies was gut wrenching. To be honest, till then we were toying with the idea of applying to one or two good mixed schools, but after that I just lost all enthusiasm for mixed.

@AlwaysMoreThanMeetsTheEye this tends to be a divisive topic because we're all influenced by our personal experiences. I agree with PPs that it depends on the child, and also on the specific school in question. It sounds from your posts like you are well aware of that so I'm sure between you, you will make the right decision for your DD.

FWIW DS went to an all-boys and DD went to a mixed – this goes totally against what the research shows is best (and at the time I worked in educational research so was well aware of it), but it worked for them. Both enjoyed their schools and chose not to move for Sixth Form.

I went to an all girls state school, my only child DD is at a private all girls secondary.

I would say it depends what kind of girls school, and what kind of girl. DD's school is relatively mixed ability, small, and not overly results focused. We have found the girls to be generally lovely with occasional minor hiccups, but have heard that in some of the more competitive girls schools the culture of superiority can drive more bitchy behaviour. But the same might be true for any of the very competitive schools, whether girls or co-ed.

My own experience of single sex education as a girl who was very academic and introverted was that some girls could be mean. I cannot think however how boys being there would have helped, it would just have increased my sense of difference.

I asked to move from all girls to co-ed as I found it cliquey, bitchy, and just a bit....odd. Co-ed has different issues, but for me it worked much better and I think I adapted to university life better than my friend's from all girls. I have chosen co-ed for my girls and they have really flourished and have great male friends.

My daughter went to a mixed school but wanted to go all girls for sixth form. She found the boys disruptive and loud. It was better in the top sets but she said ' I want to learn, not listen to a bunch of boys'. We had to move for this and she is now in a selective school in central London and while that was a huge adjustment (going from a five minute walk to an hour commute with tube), she is as happy as she would be at any school. And she has done a few things (like start up a club) which I don't think she would have at her old school.
I'm not at all concerned about it not being like the 'real world'. That might be a concern if at a boarding school, but she has enough contact with the real world commuting!
My son however only benefited from being in a mixed school. I would not have sent him to an all boys one. Pick the school you think would benefit YOUR child.

Presumably that was directed at me?

Between two academically similar schools it was a distinguishing factor given our DD.
It wasn’t the only part of our choice, on the basis we’re rather more thoughtful than you credit.

I think it depends on which schools as well. I have a DS at a co- Ed and a DD at single sex. Just the way it worked out and could easily have worked the other way round. I'm not sure it makes a whole lot of difference to be honest.

Studied a Masters where 20% females and the ones that went to girls only school seems to find interdisciplinary group work with Maths, Sciences etc thrown in with both sexes represented rather challenging with interpersonal skills. I think this is due to the era and not current reflection, so do ask for current coed and single sex school experiences within 5 years to make it count. I really think it is about the school and their ethos and fit. Good luck and enjoy the offers day.

I went a single sex girls grammar school many moons ago.

My sister was still there when it amalgamated with the local co Ed and became co Ed itself. She was in 6 form when this happened. The thing that she noticed was that the girls who'd always been co Ed always deferred to the boys. If there was a discussion the girls from single sex would take part and hold their own. The co Ed girls just wouldn't and wouldn't take traditionally male subjects.

I have a STEM degree and worked in a predominantly male environment and really hasn't affected me socially and certainly affected me positively.

Not what you're asking but both my sons went to all boys schools and all my eldest son has a wide range of friends which are predominantly female.

100%

That was to @TizerorFizz

I'm glad your daughters enjoyed the school that much.
This was my only experience with a single sex school & understandably put me off.
Could have been my daughter I guess ... could have also been the school. The school you're describing probably is a lot better. The one my daughter went to was an enormous state run religious school originally run by the nuns, over 1000 girls. Hence why bullying etc seemed to be overlooked.
I moved her to a smaller (mixed) school, we had a bumpy start definitely due to issues in her old school, but eventually all turned out fine ...
I've often wondered if my subsequent daughters would have got on ok in the all girl environment, but I just didn't want to risk them. They've all got on well at the mixed secondary so far.
Secondary school isn't free over here like the UK even state schools we have to pay a certain lump sum, but if I were paying out for an exclusive school like you'd describe I'd expect it to be a lot better.

DD is an only child at a girls' grammar. Sending her to a single sex school was important to me - all the research suggests that girls fare better and it's not difficult to understand why.

I went to a girls school myself and it didn't cause problems for any of us socially with the opposite sex.

I think all girls can be great for girls if it is done well and bullying etc is dealt with. Agree with @NancyJoan The best way to prepare your DD for adult life is to show her how to take up space, make her voice heard, take risks by trying new things even if they are outside her comfort zone. All of those are easier for girls to do in a girls only environment in my experience - and the research bears that out.

They can speak freely in class without being overruled by the boys, they can take any subject they like without it being consider a boys subject, they can join clubs covering a wide range of subjects, they can walk down a corridor without having bra straps pinged and upstairs without someone trying to look up their skirt.

My DD went all girls Y7-11. It gave her the confidence to join a co-ed 6th form of a boys school 40 girls in a year of about 180.

My DDs went to state mixed primary schools. DD1 had already found some boys annoying. And some girls too! We had the money to choose what suited DD. However we had single sex grammars too! So single sex was perfectly ok for all the parents clamouring to get in them. The main thing is, if you can choose, choose wisely. Not on a misguided notion that co Ed is the real life choice but ignore the quality of education and other social factors that are unhealthy.

@TizerorFizz lol at the rugby team 😄

No school is perfect though is it, mixed or single?! Well perhaps on paper they can appear perfect? I'm in a country where single sex schools are the norm & are pushed due to religion.
Mixed sex schools there are significantly less of them.
I didn't grow up in the single sex system either & just let my daughter pick her secondary (she chose where her friends were going), which was a mistake!
She ended up much happier (eventually) at a mixed school.
As I said before & I'll say again, I think the girls who thrived were the ones who'd already went to one of the many all girls primary schools. My daughter coming from a mixed school had no clue what she was in for & was pretty naive so made perfect bait for the Queen bees! 🙈

??? It’s not the case everyone is happy at co Ed either! I went to co Ed but we had no choice in my day. I matched schools to what’s DDs wanted. I didn’t remotely think about my old school. Which was perfectly ok by the way. It had a very successful rugby team. Eye candy every day!

"in addition, if anyone believes girls are only bitchy in boys’ schools, dream on!"

I don't believe anyone has actually stated this on this thread.
You sound triggered?
I'm glad your daughters had such a wonderful time at an all girls school & boarding too, good for you, but you can't be so shortsighted as to think thats the case for everyone?!
No one has stated there won't be bitchy or cliquey girls at mixed sex schools ... we found the boys evened things out & made things more "normal".
Some of the behaviour at the girls school was outrageous & would never have been done if they'd been around the opposite sex.

And having gone to an all girls school I disagree with you.

Also, which school does dd prefer? We listened to our DDs. What does yours want?

I don’t think education has to reflect “real
life”. It’s education . It’s a learning environment. As a parent, you facilitate “real life “. My DDs are now 30 and 27. Both educated in girls’ schools from 11. It gave them space to be themselves. They were not dressing for boys at school or receiving unwanted comments from boys.

in addition, if anyone believes girls are only bitchy in boys’ schools, dream on! The stakes are higher to conform to impress boys. Of course not all girls join in with any of this but no school can claim to be a school free from unpleasant girls! Coed has some unpleasant boys too who are getting their cues from disreputable web sites and influencers.

In my view, look at what DD enjoys. Girls activities. As mine did. They continued to enjoy dance, music and a whole range of school activities quite happily. Yes, they even met boys outside of school. Their friends had brothers. We have neighbours with boys. They were more then prepared to go to university and they had boarded! They didn’t exist in a boy free world. They have embraced adult life perfectly well. As the vast majority do. Boys don’t suddenly become a surprise at 18 because you’ve been to a girls’ school.

I think that it depends enormously on the individual schools concerned and how they're managed. My niece went to an all girls' grammar and found it very cliquey and bitchy, and she's a bit of an anti-all girls' school missionary now, and tells me that she's talked to lots of young women who had bad experiences at single sex schools. She did do very well academically though. My DD1 went to a different all girls' grammar and absolutely loved it. She had a lovely group of friends and there was a really good atmosphere in the school. Having said that, both my DDs spent most of their education at mixed sex schools and had mainly positive experiences. They both had boys who were friends. There were a few stories of boys looking at porn on phones and joking about rape, but on the whole I think they were lucky with their schools. Many girls are less lucky, and I would have hated my DDs to go to schools where they were sexually harassed or where boys were taken more seriously by teachers and other boys.