State or _*poss* free place at private

your Daughter is happy and settled, it’s not unusual for children to go to different schools. I’d apply if your son wants to and see what is offered. If he’s only average at humanities I’m not sure he’ll get the full bursary (and they also look at assets such as your house and potential to increase income). Most schools would rather award multiple children part bursaries, I think he’d need to be exceptional across the board to get a full bursary

@scarecrow22 I definitely agree with you that siblings differ and it's perfectly acceptable to have 2 kids in two different types of schools.

However, in your situation you haven't even given your DD a chance to apply for the private. That wasn't even in the cards for her even though private schools are actually really great for the middling, less motivated children.
Whatever reason you may give yourself for that, your DD will still feel like she's second best. On top of that, you're not exactly sending him to the local flunk high. It sounds like a great state option. Why put yourself through any additional stress of annual financial checks etc.

@Clymene also I never said my daughter couldn't cope at state I just said that she coped better with smaller class sizes. She spent all of primary and the first two years of secondary at a state school.

@Clymene the OP just mentioned unfairness between siblings so I commented on my experience of that.

Given what you've said, I wouldn't do it. The risk of having to move him from a school he's happy in later on would be too high for me.

Even without considering your daughter and the impact on her.

It's a completely different scenario.

Your daughter rather than your son is in private
She's in private because she can't cope in mainstream
He is cleverer than she is.

In fact, you couldn't have picked more of a different situation if you tried.

I've got one at state and one at private. DS at state school knows it's the best school for him and he knows the private school that his sister is at wouldn't be be as good for him. He also knows the reasons why the private school was the best option for his sister. No resentment. He's very bright and she struggles academically and copes better with the smaller class sizes. He gets it.

Also apart from an optional ski trip we've not paid a penny more that the published school fees. ( we've paid for school ski trips for DS too so all is fair)

The private school uniform was cheaper than the state school uniform ( private blazer was £40 whereas my DS's state school blazer was £80. The private school meals work out cheaper than the state school canteen too.

I have two friends whose parents paid for private education for their sons and not their daughters.

While I'm sure you're not prioritising your son's education over your daughter's because you're massively sexist like my friends' parents are, the end result is the same. Huge resentment and feeling that male children are more prized and worthy of investment than female children.

I wouldn’t pursue it for one and not the other, it seems like a recipe for future resentment.

Just a word of caution, the extras bill can be horrific at private schools, the bursaries can change and most demand you show your income and assets annually, it's not guaranteed for the entirety of their education.

Unfortunately very few girls schools have decent scholarships and bursaries we found, lots more options for boys so it may not be possible for your dd anyway

Apply.

But don't get your hopes up. There could be 100+ other DCs up for that one 100% nursery.

I would urge caution. Treating siblings radically differently can be dangerous in my experience. I have relatives who have 3 children. 2 went on scholarships to very prestigous boarding schools, the other went to the local, not particularly good, comp and wasn't even put in for any entrance tests. They actually all got broadly similar exam results, went to reasonably well respected Universities and are doing ok in their careers as adults but the one who went to the local school has a terrible relationship with the parents even now, and things aren't great between the siblings either.
It's not the only reason of course, families are complex things, but you don't need to be a psychologist to be able to see that the sense of being deemed "lesser" has had a negative impact on the one who was sent to the state school.
Not that I am saying that would happen to everyone, but having observed this family was enough to put me off doing the same thing when my children reached that stage.

A lot has changed in the last couple of years and schools don't have money to give out 100% bursaries 'easily'. If you have a great state option I think you'd be bonkers to go down this route given the fact you have another child who didn't even get a chance to try this. I'd be pretty pissed off at you if you were my mum. why do mums keep proving Freud right.

No one here can say whether the specific private school you're interested in is better/worse than the specific state school concerned.
You say it's very, very good - what do you mean by that?
Also if it's that good presumably the entrance exams are probably pretty tough. Are you thinking about tutoring?
I agree, to get a 100% bursary, your DS would need to do extremely well in the exams/interview.

I understood @millionsofproducts perfectly, and I agree most bursaries are small and awarded often with non-means tested scholarships ( because scholarship excellence are the exact types the school would be happy to help if household couldn't afford the fees.) My DC are all at private school, and family on both sides of DC and I know this happens a lot.

I was just saying 100% bursary qualification is usually a very low bar (income and asset wise) that most even thinking of private education are nowhere near.

That was my point.

Here in London, I know so many people on 6 figures who consider themselves 'poor' and write to bursars, because they've heard so and so got a 'top up' bursary with a scholarship and got a nice chunk off their fees. Households on 40K are on a London scale , in my mind, dis-advantaged living in the capital, but this family would still earn too much for the school's 35K bar for 100% bursary.

As others have said, I think you need to confirm the bursary situation first? Have you been told you would qualify by the school because they are trying to recruit your son, or have you assumed based on what other parents have told you?

Just a few "what if" scenarios to think about:

1. What if you got the bursary for Y7, but the school finances changed and it was withdrawn later on?

2. What if your income changed and you no longer qualified later on?

3. What if something changed which meant you had to move your son during an exam year?

Have you also looked at things like costs of uniform, transport, lunches + extras?

I think you might be setting your DD up for resentment if they have such an unequal education.

@tryandcountsheep I think you misunderstood my post - I was referring to scholarships being worth 5% of the full fee, not 5% bursaries!

100% bursary is pretty rare. Did you enter your daughter for a similar opportunity? I know siblings who have gone down different routes at 11, but both had the opportunity to sit the entrance exam - one didn’t get a place. How would you explain to her why she didn’t get a similar chance and how might you level the playing field for her later on?