Children at private and grammar schools criticising comprehensive schools

Testina

I can as it's my lived experience with 4 grown up children and many friends having kids at private/grammar/state high schools.

Honestly no difference at all in careers/life chances or well being.

The ones at private school were the Least happy (not all) least sucessful too.

My kids went to red brick unis and worked their arses off where the privately educated tended to be lazy needy and far less resilient.

But just our experience.

I mean there's private as in Eton and private as in a local private school that's a joke really

I think ‘better’ is subjective. As a teacher I can’t argue with the benefit of smaller class sizes, it’s obvious. But there is more to school than exam results. My state-educated DC are well rounded and very grounded, they have friends from a wide variety of backgrounds, they walk to school in 10 minutes and all their friends live round the corner. They also gets to do a wide range of subjects of their choice rather than the narrow and very academic subjects offered by the girls’ grammar, where the only tech options are food tech or textiles and the only sports are netball and hockey!

My dc go/went to a comp in a fully comp county. We don't have any friends with kids in grammar schools, but have a couple of friends with kids who went to private schools. Luckily they are tactful people so we haven't had negative comments about our school and we havent made any back!.
Im sure there are benefits to going private, but my eldest and her school friends have ended up at unis which are on the same level as the ones the private friends got into, so it's all worked out fine in the end. Hang on a few years and you might find the same!

It’s a terrible age.

They will get gradually less idiotic. Give your DD some simple pointers to argue back.

Don’t take it so much to heart - you DD is seeing that you are and taking it to heart more as a result. It’s just teens.

In that case those who are opposed to private education don’t need to worry about it as if the schools which are free are so much better than those which charge fees, then soon the fee paying ones will go out of business.

They really often are.
Not always though.
No axe to grind - I chose state.
You can’t blanket say that they are not.

Private schools are better?

Nope they really are not

Putting yourself in debt to put your child into private school when you say there are excellent schools in your area is not a great idea. You should explain to your child that these schools cost more money than you have (I'm sure they can understand that concept at 7) and that there local schools in meant ways are just as good and I'm some ways may be better.

Trust me on this. I can just afford the fees (with scholarships etc) and I'm quite stressed about it all at times. I would never have considered borrowing money to do so. You have to think of yourself as well and realise that you're providing the best you can for your child and not being able to afford a fancy school does not alter that fact.

MasterofCats

Get a grip!! Turn on the tv and see what's really important. Your kid will be fine as you clearly provide a fab life for him.

@Testina
That is bang on the right approach.
DD was taken aback when arriving at Durham to discover the majority of her corridor were privately educated. But pleasantly surprised at her new neighbours' reactions to seeing her exam results. They in turn wore black tie attire with greater aplomb than her (initially at least!).

You can't always change people. But you can always change your reaction to them.

Those children are bad mannered and not brought up well. I would be furious if I heard DS say anything like that about peoples choices. DS passed the 11+ but chose to go to a comprehensive with a grammar stream instead. The number of people that feel free to comment on that is quite astonishing.

I agree it's a thing though. The 2 kids of someone I know regularly make comments about how clever they are/their grammar school education.

“DD finds it very hard to address it head-on / call it out, as she worries she will upset them 🤔I'm going to keep reminding her that this is the best way to respond to it though”

Is it though?
I’d be teaching my daughter that, “you can’t argue with stupid” and a good eye roll. As long as she knows the truth (which sadly includes that in many ways private schools are better) it’s not her job to educate kids who are parroting their parents. I’d teach her to recognise that, with a good mix of pity for their immature critical thinking and a dose of healthy disdain.

One year I went on an activity holiday with my teen, and of 16 kids she was the only state school (expensive holiday, hence the high %). She had a whale of a time regaling them all with tales on knife crime exclusion from her form in the first week. Which was true as it happens, but not representative of a typical week! They all had a fabulous time together. They said that she was more street smart than them. She said they played lacrosse better. All good.

First and foremost - work on your own child’s confidence.

We have a similar situation at moment. My primary school age child's best friend has moved to the most expensive school in the county.
We have maintained the friendship BUT I was driving friend home and actually overhead them telling my chil how their school was so much better and how their parents want the best for them. My poor child asked why we didn't want the best for them also.

I'm devistated we can't afford 15k a year for private school. My child is by no means deprived and is excelling at school. But at age 7 has realised that other children ger a better education because they have more money.
I literally don't know what to do and we are debating is re mortgaging the house is appropriate.
Honestly we live in a very good school area but God the guilt.

YouJust

Totally our experience.

We could have afforded private but the local high schools were fantastic. We were lucky I know. In our friendship group about half the kids went private/grammar. Dh and I both grammar school kids and hated it.

Our kids has better A level results than our friends who laid thousands of pounds to school their kids. Mine have better careers too and arw far more resilient.

I mean if you taking Eton or Cheltenham ladies maybe yea there's an advantage but your big standard private school it's a joke.

Oh I see. We used to have these back in the 60s (and probably beyond) however they were scrapped a long time ago. They were called academies I believe.

Thanks for the explanation.

My DH and I both went to private schools and he in particular struggles to aim for contentment rather than purely attainment. That’s us of course the way he was parented as well as his schooling. I loved my school and we would have considered private school if our local state schools weren’t excellent. I don’t really agree with my own attitude there though as people thinking like I do hinders the schools being improved. I also don’t ageee with the grammar school system but didn’t let that stop me from letting our eldest who wanted to go there go either.

Grammar schools are state schools - at least the ones the OP's talking about. There are some independents that kept 'grammar' in the name post 1960s education changes.

I know quite a few people male and female, from both grammar and private schools. Not one of them have ended up in a "fancy" job - they are on completely fine, completely "normal" jobs, after tens of thousands of pounds spent on their education - one is a tree surgeon. One is a supermarket manager. One is an NHS administrator. One works in health and safety for a large foreign company. One is a teacher. One runs his own restaurant. And the last one is a waiter.

Our local grammar school recently expelled a whole group of boys who were doing coke during school time.

I also know many State school educated kids who have gone on to also run successfully their own businesses (funeral director, online teacher business owner, sports coach etc), as well as others who have gone on to become a pilot, a chief director, a senior police officer etc. I really wouldn't hold anything to a private education.

Your child has so much potential. School education amounts to only so much - your daughter has so much going for her, private education can honestly mean nothing.

I live in SW London and have witnessed similar insensitive and disparaging comments. (No doubt these children are just parroting the parents). Our grammar system is different to Kent's but also very divisive. My eldest son is in Y6 and some of his school mates aiming at the highest-performing of our local grammars denigrate not only comp schools but also the other grammars - haha!' I'm hoping that only a small minority of grammar/indie kids have such a misplaced superiority complex. But if my son gets into a grammar, I will monitor that his confidence doesn't turn into arrogance.

To an extent, it is sadly human nature to create 'them and us' and look down on other groups. In the context of schools, we parents have a key part to play in ensuring that our children understand differences and privilege.

Thanks for posting this - very interesting thread.

The grammar school I went to decades ago was horrible. I was bullied constantly and didn't do well at GCSE.

When the school finally had to report it's results, they were much worse than the local comprehensive. I really loathed the place and never wanted to be there.

I went to an all girls grammar in the 70s. Bloody awful. Hate single sec schools. My dss and dds thrived in a co Ed environment.

The difference in maturity snd sense is huge compared to my friends kids who went single sexes. The girls are desperate for boys attention snd the boys are (as my dds say) rapey! The girls schools have a serious issue with eating disorders too.

Our local grammar tell its kids they are the best of the best when in reality they are just the ones who sat the test and often hothoused.