Children at private and grammar schools criticising comprehensive schools

@redpicturelamp - tell your dd that she is an ambassador for her wonderful school. She should tell her friends that she does not recognise the school she goes to from the extraordinary comments they are making about it and that she is very happy there. She should ask them why they are making such unfounded comments on the basis of ignorance - she would expect better from people who claim to be well educated.

Indeed!

It doesn't matter what they say it could be a reverse and your dd is called stuck up and posh because she's at the private school.
The bottom line is her own voice and to learn to let what others say wash over her and deal with it

Op you need to look at the reality of the school and what your dd gets from it?

Then give her solid grounds for taking some pride in her school.
Something to cling too...

Unfortunately I would not be surprised if the other schools are better.
She needs to focus on herself and what she thinks not what others think

@TulipsLilacs - I sincerely hope not and would be amazed if they did. We are a very unsnobby family, very low interest in material wealth -ancient uncool car, very outdated kitchen, happy to live on the edge of a small (imo very nice) council estate though I know people in our village who wouldn't go near our location because of it. DC would never look down on anyone because of where they went to school, but they might assume, because I was so anti my own school's ethos, that they had been to a school where behaviour issues were rife.

If I ever caught my Dc making assumptions about people from state schools, we'd have a good chat about it. After all, the people at local state schools are the ones they went to primary with. But I honestly can't imagine it happening.

At our city comp it's a bit of a status thing to be in top sets. The kids who are engaged and do loads clubs, music, sport etc all hang out together.
The kids who end up drop out material sadly stick together which is so hard to see. So much depends on what's going on at home. They are the ones always late, often absent, in detentions for no homework. School tries its best to keep them on track.

A lot of Comps aren't like that though nowadays. The kids want to be in the higher sets. Mine have never been picked on for being bright or wanting to learn. In counties like Surrey or Hampshire Comps have many kids who would have been at grammars if they existed in their county.

At primary they are stuck with the same 30 kids, but at secondary they have a much bigger pool to find like minded friends and the cool kids don't bother the geeky ones (like mine) If you criticise Comps a lot to your kids do you not think they'll look down on comp kids at their uni?

I was also called a pleb by my privately educated cousin. Dickhead that he was. I did love gettinguch better GCSEs and A-level rests than him.

I had some friends that went to private school after being at a comp. They could t believe the bollocks some of their classmates came out with. They were also told a number of times to remember that they "were the elite" in the country and "would be running the country" when older. Tbf it's quite accurate for the last one unfortunately.

This.

DP spent years wringing his hands about DD not going to a grammar (she should have got in). However, she was very very happy in her comp, made good friends, had excellent teaching on the whole and came out with 4Astars in her A Levels and a place in one of the most prestigious unis.

My kids know they are only in private school due to us been able to afford it and also it makes our lives easier with both kids in one Co Ed school. We made our choices for us. That said they also know our local school, where we moved to recently are excellent, and they will go there if circumstances change.

We're not snobs but we do pay for convenience. Also my kids don't go to a selective school due to ND so no such "top 2%" like other schools.

All private schools are not the equivalent of Eton!

I think parents tell kids bad stuff about state to make them work harder.
I've heard shocking comments from kids who have never stepped foot into a comp. They have come from parents. According to these parents stare schools are full of rough kids, disruption, bullying, low achievement, low expectations.
Our mixed city comp is a far cry from this. The exact opposite.
I tell my kids that at the end of the day you all sit the same exams. You can't get a higher grade than a 9 but paying for it

@Masterofcats tbh I'd be gradually moving away from that friendship

This is also true. I've heard loads of these comments levelled at private schools. Everyone who sends their child there is a rampant snob who doesn't want their darlings mixing with oiks etc. Inverse snobbery and just as untrue.

Teach her how to stand up to this by saying, "My parents didn't want me to go to a selective because they worried I'd become a snobbish bigot who looked down on people. Seems like they were right."

I'm a bit ashamed to say I have voiced very negative views of comps to DC because I went to one that was shit and have several bright friends who did too (other comps in other parts of the country.) Sadly DC's state primary reminded me of all the things I loathed about my state secondary. We were all bullied and isolated for being keen to learn and had teachers with very low expectations of achievement. I have zero tolerance for economic or class snobbishness but I also have zero tolerance for inverse snobbery about academic achievement.

This is terribly sad. Honestly I had friends at different schools when growing up and it honestly never came up. We never once talked about it other than I got longer holidays. Thinking about it, it is the same for my children. They are friends so they don’t care where their mates go to school. They don’t hear a comments from unconnected parents so we are obvious to other opinions. Maybe in London there are more private schools so the kids don’t care as much? Certainly something I have never come across. I can imagine in grammar school areas it creates more of a divide so maybe that creates a bit of them and us mentality but that is just speculation .

And I'd wager a guess that child isn't too happy at school herself! Happy, secure people don't need to big themselves up putting others down.

In that case OP, yes I think you should speak to the child and to the parent, because that is bullying.

South!

We all hate posh people is soooooo funny as you have no idea how rich we are (or not) but as you seen to know us crack on!

Going to Eton Makes you rich and possibly posh going to your local private school is fine and good on your parents for working bloody hard to buy you a dream.

Unless it's a named public school honestly you are wasting your cash with 'networking!'

Each to own though

How do they know the school is terrible if they don't go there? Shows that they aren't necessarily smarter for going to them schools. The parents dont know what the school is like because their kids don't go there but you know what is like and so does your dd so therefore it's just gossip and wanting to believe what they tell themselves.

My kids went to red brick unis and worked their arses off where the privately educated tended to be lazy needy and far less resilient.

smileladies and your kids knew every single privately educated student at these universities well enough that they could come to this conclusion.
Why not just say “I hate posh people”?

My DDs year wasn't so bad as she wasn't friendly with girls who went private. My DS year has been horrendous. Mates asking why he's at comp. Best mate telling him comps are only for those that can't get into selective private etc. relentless to the point we avoid those families now

I went to a good state school. We got hassled for being “posh” and “geeks” by some of the kids from the nearby shit state school, and for being “common” and “thick” by the kids from the nearby private school. Experiencing both snobbery and inverse snobbery on the same bus journey was quite an experience.