Feel so sad, DD probably missing out on language exchange

I didn’t think they were a thing any more.

anyway - could your dd give the exchange student her bed and then your dd could sleep on your floor?

School trips abroad don't teach you very much about the culture, and you learn almost nothing of the language. School exchanges are often not very much better.
My two DCs went on about a dozen (privately organised) exchange holidays between them. They both really enjoyed all of them. They each went on an exchange to France where the French family took them skiing for a week, which is not something they'd have done otherwise. However, I did cancel one exchange return trip to France last minute. The child who visited us was fine, but the mum was (long distance) an absolute nightmare, and in the end I decided not to go ahead with the return trip, having already bought the plane ticket.
I can honestly say that for DC2 the exchange holidays (in 2 languages) were life-changing. They became very at home in continental Europe, learned to get on well with everyone and to be very adaptable and independent. They also became very enthusiastic about languages and went on to study languages at university.
I did some exchanges as a child too, and didn't get on so well with them. I was an introvert. I think it does depend on the child's personality.

@XelaM i hated mine too. I’m old so went years before mobile phones were a thing. Family let me phone home once, cried down the phone to my mum. My mum kept the letter I wrote to her whilst I was there, very dramatic and sad!

I absolutely hated my French exchange!!!!! Ti this day I remember how horrible it was

When she’s 18, she could do Workaway:
https://www.workaway.info/en/stories/workaway-for-newbies-common-questions-volunteer-travel-platform#:~:text=Am%20I%20too%20old%20%2F%20too,is%20NO%20upper%20age%20limit%20.

Or you could do it with her now, if you’re feeling brave.

A DBS check is no guarantee of anything. Means that the person has not been caught doing anything yet. There’s always a first time and people can offend for years without being prosecuted. There is no way I would be sending my child away under these circumstances. As a teacher, I just don’t see how schools can justify it either.

I’m amazed that the school is still doing exchanges. Absolute nightmare from a safeguarding/risk assessment point of view. Sending children to stay with total strangers in their home in a strange country. 😬

I am dreading this with DS but he is keen to do it.

We hosted an Austrian girl when I was in year 10 and we got on so badly I never went back to Austria. I did have a great exchange to Stockholm but as a student and that bit more mature.

I’m misguidedly amazed that they still happen. I’d thought they were something of the past. Having spent ££££ on DS’ recent hotel based overseas school trip, I suppose they are potentially less costly, although multiple day trips will add to the spends.

Guess I’ll just have to grin and bear it and cling to the linguistic benefits!

Adults in the family have to get an enhanced DBS check now to host. The French families do something similar.

It's such a pity that children are missing out on this experience because of child protection fears. I think we are too fearful as a society, especially in these days of mobile phones. If children go as a group and spend the daytimes together, which often happens, they don't learn much of the language. If they stayed in a group the whole time, they'd really learn almost nothing. We are far too insular as a country, and even more so since Brexit. We need to make an effort to help our children become more open to the wider world / to other ways of living, in my view. Both my DCs went on multiple language exchanges, on their own and not organised through school. One of them went on several exchanges which lasted 6 weeks or longer and included going to school there (in 2 different countries). One of the languages was one that wasn't even offered by their school, but they wanted to learn it. When they went over there the first time they only knew a few words. They're extremely good at both languages now.

I didn't think they did these sorts of exchanges these days! I went on a German exchange when I was 14 and yes it was an experience, but looking back it was potentially so dodgy - staying with a family I didn't know, in an area I didn't know, barely speaking the language! I think the dad picked me up from the airport on his own, I remember trying to make conversation a little. I wouldn't let my child do an exchange on these terms! Better to go as a group and stay together.

Dd has a friend who's a twin and both twins had a French person sharing their room. I live in a 2 bed with my 2 dds who share the larger room. (No dh. I'm a widow.) I moved in with them and our student had their own room.

My dd also went to Spain and was treated like a princess. She had her own suite of rooms and a maid came to tidy it for her everday. The girl she was paired with lived in something like a castle. I made an effort to tell her wherever she wanted to go I would take her. I offered her Alton Towers and London but strangely all she wanted was to go to Stratford Upon Avon and see house Ann Hathaway's cottage and a working loch.

I took 2 German boys to help out as more Germans wanted to come to UK than our kids wanted to go. It was a mistake as they spent most time speaking to each other in German. They were supposed to be speaking in English. I'm sure if I took just 1 he would have spoke in English.

Hi OP, I did multiple exchanges as a teenager and never had my own room at the host's house. It was usually either me or the exchange student on a mattress on the floor.

If your DD wants to take part I'm sure the school can find a way and like PPs have said, the 'home leg' might be able to be moved to another family if it's not possible at yours.

Don't despair. I hope it works out for you and your DD :)

We hosted a French girl who clearly came from quite a difficult background, which seemed to make her teachers even more determined that she should take part. (Prior to the visit I received a series of odd and demanding messages from the mother, which seemed to be part of a known pattern. The girl herself was lovely but there were a whole series of things she had never done or been allowed to do, like go on a boat or eat in a restaurant.) The French school arranged, without us asking, for DD to stay with a
lovely family with a child in a different year who was not part of the exchange.

Whilst talking to my daughters school, it became clear that this sort of thing was not unknown. One poor German boy apparently broke down in tears and told his English family they were lovely. His own father was prone to binge drinking and could be awful, and he was worried that this might happen when the English boy as staying. The problem was finessed. Teachers are available and able to sort problems quickly.

I think it is a good experience for a teenager to be host as well as going on an exchange. It is a chance to think about someone else, what they might like etc. If you can find some short term space or negotiate that the exchange stays somewhere else but your DC is involved in the hosting, so consider it.

I know a couple, now in their 80s, who met on a school exchange. He is French, she English. That exchange worked!

I went on various exchanges and often slept on floors with mates. Part of the fun

First world problems

Ffs. What an unnecessary and unpleasant response. People are allowed to express their feelings about minor problems and disappointments in their lives. It's a shame if the OP's dd can't take part, especially if she's interested in languages.

Definitely worth approaching the school about this, OP, and seeing if anything can be done. I've just taken an exchange trip to Germany in November and it was really good.

We did private language exchanges - not done through the school - and they were life changing for one of my children. Fantastic for encouraging your child to become flexible, open to different ways of living, for developing confidence and independence, as well as the language gains. The ones done via schools are less useful as they tend to stay with their English friends and just see the exchange family in the evenings. Plus they're too short.

We're not quite at that stage, but all the schools I looked round for DS says they don't do exchanges anymore as it's not allowed due to safeguarding. Clearly this isn't universal but at least I know he won't be the only one missing out!

It's quite an imposition to expect someone else to host a teen for a week so that your DD can go on an exchange. If DD is that keen, and you are too, then make it work. DD can sleep on the sofa or in with you.

It was impossible for us, for different reasons, but no one in the 3 year groups above got to go at all, so we're in good company.

@FTY765
They were done at my school but that was yonks ago. They are easier and cheaper then a trip abroad. I don’t think they are vital but DC don’t want to miss out. Maybe safeguarding is an issue now too?

I don't know anybody at all who did one of these!
That said, if your daughters friends are taking part I can see why she may feel like she is missing out and why you feel sad for her.

I just thought she might be aiming for a higher level of comfort than is needed, that's all. If you can manage a sleepover, you can manage an exchange. If you can't, you can't.

@dolor Actually understanding others is a very satisfying and important human trait that serves humanity well. We need it even more than we did.

@memememum
I do understand what you feel but talk to the school. It could be that a compromise can be arranged and your DD shouldn’t mess out. Lots of people have smaller homes. I missed out for exactly the same reasons many years ago.

If your DD likes German snd is keen to learn, I would advise her to keep going with German. Few do it at A level and university making it a great subject to do! MFL should be encouraged and I am sure you can find a way through this.