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Secondary education

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Original poster

Private school or move house

84 replies

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 18/10/2022 22:24

I'm not sure if I'm writing in the right section but I'm in a dilemma about secondary schools for my DC.

There are very few secondary schools in our area that have any sort of decent reputation. We have an option of going into a fee paying boys only secondary school (school A). It has small class sizes and has an excellent rating. Aside from the academic side (although that is the most important angle for me), I think it would offer DS a community type environment which would suit his personality. The extra curricular activities are great too and include many of which he already does and I think it would overall be a fantastic school for him. We can just about manage the fees with a bit of scrimping and saving. It would mean taking a bus which is more than half an hour each way but could read/revise on bus.

We live in an area that I really dislike. Its in a big housing estate, there is no community feel and the amenities are few and far between. Although I have lived here for years and years, I don't know our neighbours. We wave to each other while passing in cars and say hello if we are both of us are on our drives at the same time. Cars are needed to everywhere. I've never been happy here but we've worked on the house little by little and selling it would give us a 300K deposit towards another property.

If we moved five miles away, we could buy a smaller house in an area that has more of a community feel to it. It isn't much better than where we are but there is a large non fee paying secondary school (school B) in the area and because of that the house prices are roughly 200K more than where we live currently. The houses we could afford would mean we are starting over again with doing up the house. The school has a good rating. It is mixed which my son would prefer. Because it is so large, it has a lot of extra curricular activities too, although they aren't run as well as school A. Results are good from school B but not as good as school A. If we lived in the area, our son could walk/cycle to school and maybe make friends locally with classmates. The area would be a little nicer to live in too. His commute to school would be less than half an hour each way and that would be either walking/cycling.

To complicate things further, I have two children. While DS1 would prefer a mixed school, his younger brother would prefer a single sex school. His younger brother would also benefit from smaller class sizes in school A and because they focus on results, I know they would help him reach to his full potential even if that is not very high.

What is the best thing to do? Prioritise school A and continue living in a area I'm really unhappy in or move house and see if we can get into school B and perhaps enjoying living in that area more than where we live now?

Both boys must attend the same school. Different schools are not optional.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 09:36

Somebody said choose school B so we could go on holidays. I understand why this sounds lovely but we have a completely different mindset. I would never ever choose holidays over formal education. It is an alien concept to me. I admire people who do though and think travel is very worthwhile. The kids can do this independently when they are older and I will encourage them to!

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Cottagegarden11 · 19/10/2022 09:33

Is catchment area high on the criteria for school b? I say this as secondary schools around here rate catchment very low down the list. Other schools in the academy and feeder schools get priority.

Alot of children try to join the school I work at for Yr 5/6 so they will stand a better chance of getting into the top secondary in the area due to it being feeder.

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 09:26

Should add there is another option - school D. Some classmates will go there. Very local private but results are very poor. Friend teaches there and said to avoid!

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 09:24

Pick an area C where you'd be happy to live with a good educational option

There isn’t an option C sadly unless we move to another part of the country. Feel we should have done this years ago but we have no idea where to move.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 09:21

sheepdogdelight · 19/10/2022 08:45

I was going to say move (DC2 is too young for you to be deciding what sort of school will suit him at this stage) until you said you might move and still not be guaranteed a place. Absolutely don't do this. Pick an area C where you'd be happy to live with a good educational option.

You should be aware that the "community" feel of private schools may alienate you further from your actual local community. Where do your DC go to school currently? Do they not have local friends?

What is your state option if you stay where you are? You just mention "reputation" which is not a good basis on which to choose a school. What is the school actually like?

Reputation = school A is considered one of the best in the county. There is no doubt about that. It is consistently ranked in the top five. Results are excellent. We are very lucky to even get a place there. I am worried I am throwing that away.

Fees are already taken care of for one child (inheritance) and we can afford fees for second child from salaries. We spend 500 a month in extra curricular at present. These are mostly included in school A.

Reputation school B. Results are good. Very big school so easy to ‘coast’ . DS1 can be lazy and will coast. DS2 will fall behind.

I know people who have kids in both schools. I have checked their ratings for the last five years. I’m confident of their reputations.

Currently in state primary. Classmates will either go to school B or another school in a different catchment. I don’t want to move to this catchment. It will be similar to where we are now. Not an option. So it’s school A or B.

OP posts:
sheepdogdelight · 19/10/2022 08:45

I was going to say move (DC2 is too young for you to be deciding what sort of school will suit him at this stage) until you said you might move and still not be guaranteed a place. Absolutely don't do this. Pick an area C where you'd be happy to live with a good educational option.

You should be aware that the "community" feel of private schools may alienate you further from your actual local community. Where do your DC go to school currently? Do they not have local friends?

What is your state option if you stay where you are? You just mention "reputation" which is not a good basis on which to choose a school. What is the school actually like?

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 08:28

houseargh · 19/10/2022 07:45

ARGH, was meant to stay I would struggle to stay in the type of area you describe if I thought there was somewhere that would suit better and you could afford a house that genuinely met your needs (IE. the downsize is not too extreme)

When I say downsize we would be moving from a four bed to a three bed. Wed lose the utility room too. Neither bother me in the slightest.

To move closer to school B ie to guarantee entry we’d need 750K. We have 600K max.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 08:24

JonSnowedUnder · 19/10/2022 07:53

What if you move house and still don't feel part of the community? You've also said getting into B may not happen even if you move which would then mean your finances couldn't stretch for private.

Yes this is the dilemma.

i don’t see it as not seeing the equity again if used for fees. I see their education as an investment in their future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 08:22

Yes fees are affordable for both. I wouldn’t be contemplating this unless we could do this financially.

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 19/10/2022 08:14

How old is younger son? I wouldn’t take his preference for single sex into account.

Can you guarantee entry into both schools?

Whistlesandbell · 19/10/2022 08:12

I forgot to add I live in an area where private schools are 8k per term.

Whistlesandbell · 19/10/2022 08:11

We had the same dilemma and moved house. We moved to an area which had a good comprehensive school that nobody had any trouble getting into if they lived in the catchment area . We spent the money we saved on school fees on many many holidays, unlimited days out, family experiences, clubs etc.
Our DC did slightly better in their A levels than their privately educated cousins, they all went to similar level universities and now my DC have careers they are happy in.
We all got to live in an area we like in a lovely house.

VoluptuaGoodshag · 19/10/2022 08:11

I’ve always looked at the fees of the various private schools around and thought wow! What more effective use could that money be put to! I have two kids. Even if fees were a mere £10k per annum (which they aren’t) that’s £120k to buy them something which is available free elsewhere, along with a safe exposure to the trials and tribulations of life. There is more to life learning than just good academic grades. So as parents we instilled in them an ethos of doing well wherever you are and it means there is money for some of the nice things in life plus tutors if they were needed (which they weren’t). Both got straight As and in their words, they are glad they went to a state comprehensive because they believe it’s given them a more rounded outlook on life.

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 19/10/2022 08:06

Move for school B.

The only downside of that plan is your DS2 occasionally wistfully wondering if he might have been happier in private school - a wistfulness he will shake off in less than 10 seconds if he has any sense, given the overwhelming number of kids for whom the idea would be laughable to even consider.

Goawayangryman · 19/10/2022 08:04

Think I would be looking for area C! None of the other options sound great. Is the private selective, because you imply one child is not as academic as the other....

Moving to get into the comp is also a bit risky if you are unsure about whether they'd get in there.

What are your current local schools like? What is it about their reputation that is bad? Behaviour? Results? Ofsted?

TeenDivided · 19/10/2022 08:00

Before doing anything I'd look into this 'reputation' business.
A school's bad reputation can live on for far longer than they deserve even after they have turned around and become good. (Similarly a good reputation can live on too long too.)

I would move because after 10 years you still have all your money, whereas private after 10 years you will be 200k++ down.

However if moving I'd go somewhere where I felt pretty confident about getting a state school I was happy with. So look at the 'last distance admitted' data for the last few years and make sure you are OK with that.

KitchenSupper · 19/10/2022 07:54

Move because you will build equity for yourself rather than paying fees you won’t see again.

JonSnowedUnder · 19/10/2022 07:53

What if you move house and still don't feel part of the community? You've also said getting into B may not happen even if you move which would then mean your finances couldn't stretch for private.

Slimjimtobe · 19/10/2022 07:49

I think moving house you’ll be the better option

also - by doing up the house you are conspiring moving to - you will have built up equity again in a few years and perhaps could use that for your own needs in years to come

MsTSwift · 19/10/2022 07:47

Will you be able to pay for them all to go private ?

houseargh · 19/10/2022 07:45

ARGH, was meant to stay I would struggle to stay in the type of area you describe if I thought there was somewhere that would suit better and you could afford a house that genuinely met your needs (IE. the downsize is not too extreme)

houseargh · 19/10/2022 07:44

I also think neighborhood and community feel makes such a difference to quality of life - some people are happy enough in their own nice house in a not nice area, but it sounds like you don't like where you are now. I know would struggle to stay

juicy0 · 19/10/2022 07:44

We were in a similar situation and we opted for the school. The state option was awful and wouldn't have benefited either of our two children. We decided that we would only consider few paying school if we could commit to it for the duration as i think the impact of having to withdraw them part way through would be detrimental. I changed jobs to one that paid more and was closer to the school which made more sense logistically. Whilst we struggled at times I have no regrets and feel it was the right decision for us. We only have two terms left now and it will be a relief when we no longer have to pay fees though!

houseargh · 19/10/2022 07:43

It sort of reads like you've answered your own question - house and neighborhood you would prefer, no school fees and a good school that would be right for child A (and presumably fine for child B) or staying in a house and neighborhood you don't like just for a school that you will also have to drop a lot of money on. It sounds like you will be happier in scenario A, and your older son probably would be as well. I guess the question is, do you think your second son would do ok at the state school or does he have some particular issues that mean he might really fare badly there, in which case maybe it's worth making sacrifices to put him somewhere else

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 19/10/2022 07:36

As others have said, can you afford the fees for both children if the fees go up, or eg your mortgage increases? Do you know if there are any extra costs beyond the fees, and can you afford these.

Will your DC miss out on anything to go to this school? Personally, I'd go for the state option, use the money you'd save to do up the house and later for extra curricular stuff if needed.

I think it would be worse to send them both to the private school, and then not be able to afford the fees part way through, especially with the insistence on them both getting the same and with thinking your younger son will benefit more.