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Secondary education

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Original poster

Private school or move house

84 replies

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 18/10/2022 22:24

I'm not sure if I'm writing in the right section but I'm in a dilemma about secondary schools for my DC.

There are very few secondary schools in our area that have any sort of decent reputation. We have an option of going into a fee paying boys only secondary school (school A). It has small class sizes and has an excellent rating. Aside from the academic side (although that is the most important angle for me), I think it would offer DS a community type environment which would suit his personality. The extra curricular activities are great too and include many of which he already does and I think it would overall be a fantastic school for him. We can just about manage the fees with a bit of scrimping and saving. It would mean taking a bus which is more than half an hour each way but could read/revise on bus.

We live in an area that I really dislike. Its in a big housing estate, there is no community feel and the amenities are few and far between. Although I have lived here for years and years, I don't know our neighbours. We wave to each other while passing in cars and say hello if we are both of us are on our drives at the same time. Cars are needed to everywhere. I've never been happy here but we've worked on the house little by little and selling it would give us a 300K deposit towards another property.

If we moved five miles away, we could buy a smaller house in an area that has more of a community feel to it. It isn't much better than where we are but there is a large non fee paying secondary school (school B) in the area and because of that the house prices are roughly 200K more than where we live currently. The houses we could afford would mean we are starting over again with doing up the house. The school has a good rating. It is mixed which my son would prefer. Because it is so large, it has a lot of extra curricular activities too, although they aren't run as well as school A. Results are good from school B but not as good as school A. If we lived in the area, our son could walk/cycle to school and maybe make friends locally with classmates. The area would be a little nicer to live in too. His commute to school would be less than half an hour each way and that would be either walking/cycling.

To complicate things further, I have two children. While DS1 would prefer a mixed school, his younger brother would prefer a single sex school. His younger brother would also benefit from smaller class sizes in school A and because they focus on results, I know they would help him reach to his full potential even if that is not very high.

What is the best thing to do? Prioritise school A and continue living in a area I'm really unhappy in or move house and see if we can get into school B and perhaps enjoying living in that area more than where we live now?

Both boys must attend the same school. Different schools are not optional.

OP posts:
IceCreamWithSprinkles · 19/10/2022 12:05

You say school A has amazing results, and would push your younger child to achieve the best he could even if that’s not very high…..I would be super wary of this meaning that the school is very very academically pushy, and attracting high achievers to it, and therefore someone who is going to struggle more/need help is just going to feel stupid compared to everyone else and be utterly miserable.

if it will suit your eldest then maybe start him there, but in the meantime look to move within 30 mins commute of school A to somewhere that has a reasonable state option (and look around the school, don’t just go on reputation!).

I would not move to an area where school B is not almost guaranteed.

Meadowbreeze · 19/10/2022 11:48

I would move out completely to be honest. If things go wrong with school A you'll be broke and stuck in a place you hate.
I don't think school B sounds great, maybe better than your local option but not good enough to move for, especially if you're not even guaranteed to have a space.
You don't have to move across country to move completely. Do you work from home? Are you in the south?

ponderingpaula · 19/10/2022 11:47

If you move:

How big is the risk of not getting into school B?

If you don't get into school B what is school C like?

Personally I always prioritise parent happiness because happy parents make for happy kids. So if you hate where you live you should move regardless then sort out schools after

Whistlesandbell · 19/10/2022 11:46

All my relative’s DC that went to private school got used to travelling to see friends. I think it’s quite rare to live very close to a private secondary school. Friends will start to have sleepovers once secondary school starts. I don’t think friendships are kept within school grounds only. This certainly wasn’t the case with my niece, she was very sociable and often saw friends at the weekends etc and she lived about 40 minutes away from her private secondary.

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 11:34

The big drawback of school A is friendships. Kids will all be commuting from far and wide to go there. This is already evident from the primary my kids go to. Friendships are kept within school grounds only. I grew up in a small community and I feel my kids are losing out by not being able to walk/cycle independently to friend’s houses. School A will mean this will continue.

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Codfishermen · 19/10/2022 11:28

Move, live in a nicer area, save a fortune on fees, don't worry about child 2 - child 1 wants mixed sex and that shouldn't be a dealbreaker anyway

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 11:26

It isn’t a school where people stay overnight.
There is public transport admittedly a PITA at times.

Fees are taken into account and we could afford to pay fully for 1 1/2 children from inheritance but we have decided to pay for one child from inheritance and pay the other from salaries so we have a small bit of a rainy day fund left.
I don’t want to be wiped out completely by using all our funds for school fees.
But we will not be able to afford expensive school trips abroad. The majority of the kids in school A would be going there for similar reasons to us and although I’m sure there will be extremely wealthy kids there, they won’t be the majority.

There are loads of private schools in the wealthy suburbs which s where the wealthy
kids go.

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Jackiewoo · 19/10/2022 11:23

School A.

You currently have knowns - you really like school A for your DC and have an affordable larger house even though you're not keen on the community (although sometimes not knowing our neighbours can be a good thing, and it doesn't sound like you are in a 'bad' neighbourhood particularly). You'd also save on extra curricular by the sound of it which isn't just money its all your time spent traipsing about. But by moving you are closing the door on school A in order for everything to be an unknown quantity (house, neighbourhood & school). A smaller house won't be easier once your DC are teenagers, you might not like your neighbours in the new area either, plus you can't buy a house close enough to guarantee a place at school B anyway.

So I'd go for a suck it and see approach, if school A is amazing you are spending your money on the sort of education you really want for your DC, if its not so amazing you can always move at a later date, or if they go elsewhere for A level, or when the school years are done. These years fly and none of it has to be carved in stone. But moving back to school A if you don't like school B would probably be nigh on impossible if school A is as good as you say.

I'd also do what a PP mentioned and look at school A bus routes, you may find you can send to school A and live in a better house/area than either where you are now or the school B area. Some independent school buses travel cover pretty big distances!

TeenDivided · 19/10/2022 11:12

Is ds2 guaranteed a place at the indie if ds1 attends?

You seem to want the indie, so do that.

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 11:10

astoundedgoat · 19/10/2022 11:06

Same here, really. A house near the amazing state school here would be hundreds of k on top of our current house, and we'd be paying that huge mortgage for decades (or uprooting again) . School is a LOT cheaper, and it's over faster.

Show quote history

That is now I feel too really. School is much cheaper than moving and although we could get a higher mortgage I don’t want to be stretched forever more.

OP posts:
Derbee · 19/10/2022 11:08

House.

School fees go up every year. If you can just about afford the fees, you’ll struggle with all the extra curricular things, and expensive school trips etc.

A half hour commute by bus each way is inconvenient. But as your son gets older, he’ll likely want to stay for prep etc, so it will be very late when he gets home. Which will lead to him wanting to stay some nights (more ££) and you’ll find the fees and costs start to spiral.

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 11:06

whatisheupto · 19/10/2022 09:40

Can't you do both? Move somewhere else in budget and go to the private school? Move anywhere within 30 min commute of the private school?

Yes but… the areas we can afford on this (familiar) side aren’t better than where we are.

This would be the better option though. It’s so hard when unfamiliar with areas.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 19/10/2022 11:06

Hoppinggreen · 19/10/2022 10:58

It was actually cheaper for us to stay put and pay for Private school but we love our house and the area. In your shoes I think I would move as long as you are VERY certain a move would get you the school you want

Same here, really. A house near the amazing state school here would be hundreds of k on top of our current house, and we'd be paying that huge mortgage for decades (or uprooting again) . School is a LOT cheaper, and it's over faster.

astoundedgoat · 19/10/2022 11:04

Move. The other area will be more fun for your children to grow up in, and what you say about cars is really off-putting and you will end up being a taxi service for YEARS.

I'm v pro indie schools, btw - we live in the world's smallest house so that we can pay school fees instead of a massive mortgage, but I love our house and it's very central - it really feels like your HOME is the thing you should prioritize right now, then think about school after.

That 8k per term will be 10k before you know it too. 😩

Hoppinggreen · 19/10/2022 10:58

It was actually cheaper for us to stay put and pay for Private school but we love our house and the area. In your shoes I think I would move as long as you are VERY certain a move would get you the school you want

PinkPencilCase · 19/10/2022 10:55

Did you say you already have a place at school A? It would be madness to move to a house that doesn't guarantee school B, what would your backup plan then be as I think you're saying you then wouldn't be able to afford school A?

I'd go for school A, then work out a plan to move somewhere nicer in however many years you can manage it in so you've got that to look forward to. Even if it is after the kids leave school!

Whistlesandbell · 19/10/2022 10:54

School A sounds right for your family as you value education so much and it’s in the top five schools in the country. You can move to a nicer area when your DC have finished secondary school.

northerncrumpet · 19/10/2022 10:39

Does school A have a bus service for the kids (lots of indies do) and could you consider moving to the one of the areas covered by that...so have your cake and eat it?

I have a very similar dilemma, so I completely get it...sounds like you are sold on the indie, and why wouldn't you be...so I'm just wondering if you can sort the house issue into the bargain by thinking outside the box on location?

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 10:28

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 10:22

Even if A might be marginally better academically,

It is far better academically. It is ranked one of the best schools in the county.

It gets a lot of publicity due to the results from the school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 10:22

Even if A might be marginally better academically,

It is far better academically. It is ranked one of the best schools in the county.

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Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 10:19

Houses near school A are not optional.

Houses near school B - to get the village/community feel we need 850K.

We can afford to live 2 miles away from the village in a built up area of newish builds very similar to where we now live but it is a bit nicer 🤣 The people in the village look down on the people who don’t live in the village but there would be a large cohort of people living outside it and I can live with that. Kids would be able to cycle to activities/meet friends.

Where we now live we commute everywhere. The people where we live are all doing similar and there is a general air of keeping oneself to oneself. There is a rough element in parts and it’s ugly. House prices are lower due to lack of decent schools.

To get within the catchment of school B the houses and area are similar looks wise but the feel is different. Or maybe I just perceive it to be different. There is still trouble with teens hanging around the shops etc. but it still feels more lit up/busier. There are tens of large housing estates but I am afraid that even in this area there will be a pecking order of some estates being considered/are better than others. Prices go between 500-1M. We can afford the less popular estates ie a smaller house that was previously rented out.

Going to a different school is ok in the area we’re in as firstly we don’t know anyone and secondly everyone travels elsewhere to school as the local comp is known far and wide as being awful.

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CatSpeakForDummies · 19/10/2022 09:44

Even if A might be marginally better academically, it sounds like you are missing out on a lot by living somewhere you don't like. Might it become worse by going to a different school than everyone else? My DH was the only boy in his village to go to a grammar school and was bullied any time he was out and about in the village, he moved away as soon as he could and rarely goes back.

I would also hate the pressure on your DS, he'll realise you are enduring living somewhere you hate so he can go to private school.

Local friends, gaining real independence (not duke of Edinburgh type independence, popping round to friends on a whim independence) are also important.

Is there a nicer place, close to A, not in catchment for B, where house prices are similar to where you are but you can imagine making friends. You could solve both problems (horrible surroundings, education) without tying them together?

Cottagegarden11 · 19/10/2022 09:43

Personally I would say move and school b. We have a similar mindset to you and were considering private. However, although in theory we can afford it, with prices rising as they are it's hard to say what school prices will end up being. If we need to we will pay for tutors to bridge the gap.

whatisheupto · 19/10/2022 09:40

Can't you do both? Move somewhere else in budget and go to the private school? Move anywhere within 30 min commute of the private school?

Original poster
Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 19/10/2022 09:37

Yes catchment is the priority for school B.

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