To change daughters school in year 9?

You are completely right. After I attended a high achieving performing secondary school, I experienced depression and then was admitted to an adolescent unit for treatment.

This. She deserves to know who she is. She deserves to know why she finds some things difficult. She needs to know for sure if she has any kind of neurodiversity and then you can work together to develop helpful coping strategies. Coping strategies for NT people and ND people are so different.

I agree with this.

you did the right thing, op. That’s such a relief. I have worked in an adolescent eating disorders unit and most of the patients were from high-achieving grammar or private schools. It’s just not worth the risk.

Was OPs daughter at Davenant? I have a DS there now in 6th form. He has some SEN but done ok at Dav. I think it's quite different now, new head for past 7/8 years and Mrs Lake is v involved with SEN. My friend's son is more severe (school refuser etc) and has a lot of positive things to say about Davenant. I have 2 other kids at a different local school (they didn't get into Dav) and as far as I can see it's swings and roundabouts.

@Handoverthechocollate so glad to hear your DD is still loving her new school.

I totally agree with you that Davenant is not great at special needs. I went to Davenant for five years and I agree with you that I found the school to learn under high pressure.

Oops. Didn't realise You did it. Brilliant

Move her. Decent comps are awesome

I’m glad the move went well. Your daughter will do better in a school she likes and if she has friends there. Being a cat in a school full of dogs is tough.

@pollymere , if you read the whole thread the OP did move her in oct 1/2 term.

GS are frequently hopeless with ASD diagnoses, particularly in girls. We made the move in Y10 and it was too late. Far too much psychological damage had been done. Please move her and get an EHCP sorted out before they develop a phobia about school and can't go at all. I'll probably get accused of being a snowflake parent but seriously, if you're already looking, you know your answer. My biggest regret is sending mine to GS and then not doing something about it in Y8.

@FrontDoor the belonging for my daughter was an offer to do her hair. I am white, my husband black Caribbean heritage. Our parents are long gone. I can't do her hair! A group of 4 black sixth formers said hello when she went on a looksee. They are all at different universities now but meet in the holidays. We live in a white market town and she has hated it. It matters to her and she has been happy in these new groups.

Just seen you did it! So pleased for your DD 🥰

Oh, so many similarities here!

I moved my DD in Year 8 for different reasons (bullying) but to a school that also had a much better ethos - good pastoral care, strong academically but not as pushy as her previous school.

My DD is bright, her older brother has ASC and I suspect DD has ADHD, but she masks and is very bright and compliant at school, so I doubt she’d get a diagnosis without a fight I don’t currently have in me.

She is also mixed race (black Caribbean/white Irish) and her new school is also more ethnically diverse, or to be specific, there are many more black and mixed race children (old school was diverse, but not many black/mixed kids). I cannot tell you what it has done for her sense of identity and belonging. She has a group of mainly black and mixed girlfriends now, and it is a beautiful thing to see ger embracing herself so much more. I always recognised it was important, but never knew how crucial it actually was to a sensitive teenage girl.

I was also very nervous about the move, and I don’t think you can go into a school move thinking it will solve every issue and your DD will love everything all the time, but if the school is overall a better fit for her, it can only be a generally positive move. Move quickly, though, before GCSEs start!

I know you've done it now.

And I'm glad.

I have an autistic ds. Whenever decisions like this come to the point of being made - not just thought processes - I always remind myself how we came to the thought process in the first place. Iyswim?

Always reminds me that I wouldn't have been considering a change if anything was great and even if the change doesn't turn out for the best it's unlikely you are making things worse.

@Handoverthechocollate you are welcome. It was interesting to see that my daughter wouldn't consider a university with few BAME students. She has chosen a small uni with 30%+ ethnic mix.
London would have worked for the above but too big to meet her needs. Conversely her older brother doesn't see things the same. Her works in a white dominated profession. Stronger character and very self assured.

I’d move her in a heartbeat. She’s known from day 1 and it’s been over 2 years now and she feels no different.

I’d also tell her that I was making the decision for her. Too much for her to have on her little shoulders. I don’t want this to sound harsh but it’s your job as her parent to make the tough decisions for her without fear of being blamed in the future.

@Handoverthechocollate I wanted to say I think you have done the right thing.
My daughter was a scholar at a well known boarding school in Yr 9. It don't suit her. She is mixed heritage too.
The pressure was too much and she left with SEMH. We let her chose her next school. It was rated 'needs improvement'. It saved her. They got her (intelligent but geeky and non conformist) . No one batted an eyelid. Sadly it only went to 16 so we had to move her again to a sixth form in large town. It had 42 nationalities. She is in contact with many friends reading challenging degrees at university. I wish I had sent my dd to her first choice, she was offered and I turned it down. I thought she would be bored. This school saved her and I will always be grateful. Schools are more than then their ofstead rating. SEN provision often costs a school its top rating but my experience working with a schools charity has shown me that often 'outstanding' schools actively discourage SEN students. Go with kindness. Good luck to your daughter. Mine is off to university (science/ medical) after Christmas.

Oh that sounds fantastic, good luck to your DD.

The reduction in fatigue tells me this is going to turn out to be the right move - she's clearly having to work a lot less hard just to cope. Getting support the moment you mention to the school that you suspect ASD and are looking for a diagnosis says a lot about the school and all of it good. Well done, OP.