Tonbridge School - inclusive?

PS... the people who most impressed me whilst at Uni in Oxford came from schools like Sherbourne, Greshams, Hurstpierpoint, Haileybury and Glenalmond (Scotland). Schools like Bryanston in Dorset have campuses that Really inspire as well as the capacity to engage well with all students via their Tutorial System.

Over the years I've changed my opinion on only one school and that is Eton. That may be surprising due to its public perception, but they have a Tutorial system that no other school can touch if a student engages fully with it.

Please don't rule out that your son could gain a scholarship at any school. In certain subjects his 'difficulties' could well be his golden ticket.

I wish you well with your choice. After a career in mental health with the NHS I am considering an early retirement to work in a Private/Public School to teach Science/Maths, so I understand your concerns.

If you're considering Kent only, then Sevenoaks has a Lot going for it; their Wikipedia age is full of current and not long past successes.

Yours sincerely,
PG.

I have friends with children at Sackville and have only heard good things. Lots of dyslexia support, small classes, discipline and pastoral care seems to be very good. They've got a really good head and many teachers who have been there for years. It's perhaps not the most academic school but my friend's DS who had to move from a nearby independent has thrived there. He was a high achiever and I know my friend was worried that he would fall behind, but the level of pastoral support and small classes means that he is in fact performing just as well there. Because he feels safe. The boys generally aren't fighting for survival so are much more inclusive.

I can only partially endorse this message. I am an Old Boy from Tonbridge, albeit over 35 years ago. Sporting prowess was then paramount in terms of 'seniority' at my Boarding House. Now academic achievement has also been added to a list of pressures and measurements, although even then it liked touting its Oxbridge achievements. I think the new HM wants to reform, but perhaps with added pressures on children???

My honest feeling is that it depends on you to remain as loving parents, rather than take my own family's view that I was handed over solely into the sole care of the School. That didn't work for me, but that is my own experience.

From my own experience I have seen many non-sporty and non-academic Old Boys do well in later life. However it's something you just can't predict.

I think the school currently offers help for a son of your own description. Michael Heseltine is famously dyslexic and has achieved at the highest of levels in Public Life, although not an Old Boy from Tonbridge.

Tonbridge, as we know, is an expensive school - even Eton & Harrow are cheaper.

I know it's a tough call from you, but do look around. There are some amazing alternatives.

I'm so sorry this is such a tough call for you. But if you are asking the question, somewhere deep down you know the answer already.

I sincerely hope my message is of help to you.

PG

Tonbridge doesn’t start until year 9 😏

HarrietT43, as per your request, to clarify I had one son leave this year and one son leave last year. My son with dyslexia was diagnosed before he started at Tonbridge. He received far more meaningful and insightful help from Learning Support at Tonbridge than he ever did at prep school. At Tonbridge the focus is on strategies to enable the student to learn independently as they progress in education. A significant proportion of boys receive help from the learning support department. If in doubt, visit the school on an open day or separately, booked with admissions. The admissions staff are very approachable and knowledgable - why not give them a call?

@HarrietT43 I would firstly support and strongly reiterate the comments made by @kw779 regarding the baselining of students by the LS Dept early in their TB career which I also believe is probably unnecessary and more importantly poorly managed. However post this I would say the LS team have done a good job.
My son is currently at TB and was diagnosed with Dyslexia prior to admission.

However I also think I should mention other items you should be aware of regarding the school. Others posters (such as @Harripud and @Lanes43) are right no school is perfect and nor are we as humans. Unfortunately the experience of Tonbridge is very different to the one they have experienced, I know quite a few parents who share my sentiments. But those parents are often too afraid or cant be bothered to share their experiences. So I have to highlight that in the most recent cohorts things are not positive.

Clearly TB produce excellent academic results – that is not in doubt. However on many other levels the school disappoints. Tonbridge may have seen it all but often turn a blind eye to many matters that they don’t want to deal with or are easier to ignore. This is most dramatically highlighted by the events at Judde House (including at least 5 pupils ‘leaving’ and the replacement of the House Master) but unfortunately these incidents are not isolated though this is clearly the most public and most severe one. This incident put the laundry out for everyone to see. However the experience is that they have many policies but on many levels they fail to enforce those policies and don’t take a zero tolerance approach.

I also feel compelled to highlight is that the pastoral support feels almost non-existent a lot of the time. This is one of the key selling points of TB. But many (yes many) examples illustrate the lack of support following bullying even when the bullying is reported. Following the many policies they have in place and very little (if any) action is taken. However as other posters comment bullying exists in all walks in life however it is how the school reacts to this. My experience (in several instances across year groups) the school DID NOT take any prompt action. There was not in any way ZERO tolerance (in fact in some cases it was covered up or brushed aside) and the actions of the perpetrators were portrayed as having not been much of an issue at all – despite it being in serious contravention to the many policies on numerous occasions. So that the victim felt even worse. And lastly, they were certainly NOT at all proactive. Again I reiterate PASTORAL support was non-existent.

The ‘unpleasant boys’ are not a majority but certainly a notable minority – this has not been eradicated – perhaps this is due to the Covid period? But the comments of @Harripud and @HarrietT43 made me reflect on the variety of experiences one can have but also why the experience maybe different. Perhaps due to the different time periods your boys were at TB? As you know new management arrived in late 2018 (looks like you had or were about to finish up) so perhaps they don’t have a firm handle on things. And of course Covid almost certainly had an influence – but that is almost the easy excuse.

Dear @HarrietT43
We have two sons and both have been through Tonbridge recently. Our youngest son was diagnosed with moderate dyslexia in his Novi year at the school. We have nothing but praise for the LS department. They have been absolutely excellent. They have seen him at least weekly and supported him with essays, projects and really boosted his self esteem. We have seen a huge increase in his confidence. He has been predicted excellent grades at A level and we put a lot of it down to the support the LS department have given him.

We would also put in a plug for the pastoral support. There is plenty of it. Both sons had great support from their tutors and HMs and from their matrons. Our eldest son, who left school 5 years ago still sees his matron when he is in the area. Any sign of bullying is clamped down on. There is a focus on mindfulness and lectures for parents as well. Tragically, one of the boys in the same house as my eldest son died suddenly from a heart defect and my son is still supported by teachers and friends. They still come back to Tonbridge School to remember him and play a memorial football match, to which staff come to show their support 5 years later. They really care about the boys.

My youngest son’s year group have been fantastic. They are not ‘macho’ but just lovely boys whom we have taken on holiday and had around our house for social events. We have never had an issue with discipline or violence involving either boy. I think vaping is an issue everywhere but it is not something we have had to deal with.

I have two sons who have been through Tonbridge School and are now both at university.
One son is dyslexic, sensitive and occasionally prickly, and the school could not have done more to help, support and enable him - and I recognise that he is not always the easiest boy to help! He thrived!
The LS department is strong, well-resourced and finds ways to equip the boys and convey learning strategies for boys to use and understand how they work best. They teach revision techniques and strategies to all boys and their work pervades all of the teaching in the school.
No school is perfect but Tonbridge has seen it all before and has the experience, resources and knowledge to deal with every situation that teenage boys can present. Bullying exists in all walks of life and in every school but it is how it is dealt with that defines a school. In my experience, the school takes a prompt, zero tolerance and proactive approach.
The school approach to COVID and lock down was also impressive; our daughter's school seemed to follow the Tonbridge lead. There is a feeling of being in safe hands at the school.
My sons are very, very different but both had a positive, nurturing and bespoke experience. Pastoral care and support is strong. They were day boys and their housemasters and house mates become a second "family" - both sons made friends and bonds that endure. We did not encounter the unpleasant behaviour that previous posters have suggested although I do not suggest that every boy there is perfect, but most boys find their own "tribe" of friends. There is also a mutual respect between pupil and teacher that was absent from my own school days. The staff appear to delight in intellectual achievements of the boys and encourage ambition and impressively high aims. It is a selective school but there appears to be a broad spectrum of abilities, both academic and in sport. The Community Action section of the school is also strong and part of the Tonbridge way of life.

Tonbridge recognises that every boy is different and adapts and moulds the school experience to suit the individual .......it is then up to the boy to take advantage of all of the many opportunities available.

@HarrietT43 good luck with it all.

hello @HarrietT43 Tonbridge School do 'cater' for dyslexic children. Not sure if given you mention that he has minor dyslexia whether he qualifies for access arrangements (extra time or other assistance)? What I do know is that the LS dept at Tonbridge will put your child through a lot of stress (unnecessarily I believe) to establish a baseline in the first year at the school to determine access arrangements. This experience will likely undermine confidence. They claim this is necessary so they can present a case to JCQ.

However, sounds like if he has minor dyslexia you may be looking for more modest assistance which I think they would easily be able to cope with. The school has merits – its strong academics and quite sporty. Though I think they aren’t as sporty (or successful) as they make you think – certainly in rugby.

However you should be aware that Tonbridge School does however have a MAJOR discipline issue – at least 5 boys were expelled last year for a very serious case of physical violence perpetrated on a boarding boy by other boys in his house. This is not gossip. Further there have also been other issues including one boy removed from school for safeguarding at the end of the last school year – again due to physical danger. A lot of other issues rampant vaping in junior years (in day houses) and the expulsion issue above were a direct result of House Masters not doing their job (both are still teaching at the school but have either retired or been removed as respective HM). So while they claim pastoral care is strong – the evidence suggests otherwise. Unfortunately this reflects in a student body who have a significant group of unpleasant macho boys. Who haven’t been managed well or disciplined.

#tonbridge #tonbridgeschool #dyslexia #dyslexic

Then they'll end up missing out on some very bright and talented boys that could really add positively to their community.. Oh well their loss!

They won’t say it out loud, but they are wary of boys with dyslexia or any diagnosis. They can choose who attends, so they won’t tend to pick those who will need extra help or may struggle in some subjects (unless they’re super talented at rugby/sports).

@HarrietT43 im not sure where your based (we are East Surrey) and its really quick and easy to get there as our train line stops at South Croydon in the mornings which is the Whitgift stop. But I understand too that location is important if they're day boys as you don't want a long commute. Good luck with your school search I'm sure you will find somewhere that your son will thrive at.

@HarrietT43 its Whitgift.

Hi op I have a ds similar to yours (he is now 15) and his dyslexia has been no barrier whatsoever. My son is at an independent boys school in your area, they have been amazing. His dyslexia report, if anything, was seen as a positive as it highlighted his natural intelligence. He's now about to do GCSEs is in top sets for maths and sciences (and that's out of 9 sets with some very very bright boys). He is thriving. I would recommend being completely honest with the school, a good school will see that your ds has a natural intelligence that can be brought out with good teaching etc.
Ps. I would also be very careful about listening to 'gossip' about schools. I almost didn't go and look at my son's school because I was given the whole 'it's alpha male' chat from various people with no experience of it, I think sometimes it stems from jealousy/ Chinese whispers.

@Pineappleflowers Tonbridge has no Year 7, so not sure what you mean there... DS attends Tonbridge and my experience is very different from what you have written, never heard of scores on the wall. My DS is not alpha male and so are hundreds of boys there, very balanced school, academic but with lots and lots of opportunities for boys to thrive in other areas.

OP have you spoken to admissions? I do know that one of DS's friends has SEN but I have no idea to what degree.

No idea about the dyslexia provision, but the boys I know from Tonbridge are perfectly nice. Maybe macho reputation could come from their success playing rugby.

I will PM you