Considering independent school. Family very negative about it?

God in the pandemic the state primaries round here were appalling. The teachers basically totally buggered off. My older Dd in state secondary by comparison had an almost seamless online switch.

My children went to private schools. We started down that route as my eldest didn't get in to the FOUR nearest state schools due to over subscription. So private it was.
I think the real value was made very evident in how the school handled the pandemic. My daughter was doing her GCSEs in 2021. The school was fantastic. Full schedule of classes from the first day of lockdown. Lots of support. When I saw friends with children at the local state schools they were in a panic as the school did the bare minimum (I know not all private schools were great and that sone state schools did manage very well, but I can only comment on my experience).
I went to a state school (not in this country). If you have good state schools and your child is a hard worker that's where I'd send them. If they are poor, and/or your child would benefit from extra support and you think the school suits his character, then consider the private.
You will undoubtedly find a mix of socioeconomic backgrounds though of course it will be skewed to wealthier families, but to be frank it's not usually an issue.
Ignore the prejudice of your family and do what you think is best.

My MIL was very opposed to us sending our DC to private schools, and did not factor in the different challenges faced by inner London schools and the middle class northern primary where she worked as a p/t TA.

She has never really forgiven me and DC, now in their 20s have to hear all about the achievements of their cousins and second cousins whilst theirs are not acknowledged. Their achievements were apparently bought. Even if they worked hard both at school and after.

It was the right decision for both DC. DS is studious and thrived in a very academic school, where he had a good group of friends with shared interests. (DH is similar and really struggled in a “bog standard” comp where he became isolated and was bullied.) DD is bright but very dyslexic and received strong SEND support through her secondary school career.

To some extent it is an investment decision. Look at your kids and look at the choices available to you. Is private likely to be worth the value added. We probably would not have paid if we lived somewhere else. None of my NCT contemporaries used the local state school. They all moved, tutored, found religion, or rented in other catchments. The last was very common. I could not see why paying is considered a less moral option.

Is it a girls or boys school?

Go for it. Ignore them. Many state schools are in dire straits right now simply because of a lack of funding. ( not because of any lack of dedication by teachers and staff) Much worse than when we were at school.

An independent school will be a better experience because the classes will be smaller, facilities better, teachers less overworked and more support staff available etc. Don't doubt yourself.

Sounds like a no brainer to me. Just do it.

We all want the very best for our children and for mine that was state school but even if it had been privateschool we couldn't afford it - instill aNt the best for them. I don't like the idea that people think they are better parents for paying for something. Or they want more for their children than those of us who don't or can't send them.
If its best for your child then send them.
But I'd only do so if I could easily afford it and the likely cost of living rises. And send both children all the way through secondary school.

Why?

It’s impossible to say which is “better” as it’s so school and child dependent and also what is important to you. A neighbour who teaches at our local top private school admits there are forms she teaches she wouldn’t want her own child in. The state school that is abit shabby (not the one mine go to) has got the top results this year. If you are very sporty private would be good. There’s a lot in the mix - what isn’t on is criticising another adults choices!

Op, why don't you start your Dc at your local state secondary and if it doesn't work out then move to private?

@LondonMum81 I know your question wasn't for me, but a number of kids from my daughter's primary went to some of the famous state schools in North London and one is at Holland Park, so I can only tell about the state schools where I know current parents.

Very happy parents at:

DAO
Latymer
QE Boys

The only difference to private schools is the size of classes and that everything is free. Although I know two parents at Latymer whose kids didn't get the desired grades at GCSEs and A-levels but I guess that could have happened everywhere.

Other state schools:

Ashmole Academy - very good academically but my daughter's friends had some issues with bullying and there are groups of kids that aren't very nice.

QE Girls - very strict from what I hear and my daughter's friend doesn't like it there.

Holland Park - last year was total chaos with constant disruptions and some awful behaviour as well as shouty strict teachers, so the mum I know wasn't happy with the school. However, her daughter loves it and is super happy there. I also hear this year things have calmed down and they have cracked down on any bad behaviour. My daughter's friend is very happy at the school, but she's a very popular outgoing girl anyway, so I don't know if she would have been happy at any school or if Holland Park is that good.

The main difference is the size of some of those schools which are huge.

@gogohmm what was the difference between her state secondary school and her private school?

My kids are in the private system and you always wonder about the path no taken so I'd be interested to know what you saw as the differences given you had access to a good state school as well.

Yeah we do already, its called tax

Private schools can be great but not all, especially the smaller cheaper ones - look beyond the nicer decor and flashy brochures. One particular thing to check is how many kids leave before GCSEs - some schools are notorious for offloading anyone not expected to get good GCSEs.

They are right to a point but private schools can be amazing too. My dd went to private 6th form and it was so different to her state school, so much better, and her original school was the best in the county to start with.

Another consideration is being the kids from the family who can only just afford it, it's not easy - dd didn't get to go on the trip to Mexico or skiing in Canada, she knew why at 16 but at 11 it's tougher

You are the parent. Your family's views are prejudiced and ignorant. You are the one who knows your children and which school will suit them; if you think it's right for them then it's right for them.

Someone upthread made a comment about knowing someone who wears clothes with holes in them so she can buy new uniform. My DC have been right the way through the independent system and I could count on one hand the number of new items I've bought in 20 years of having children at school. IME, the only children who have brand new uniform are only children with very rich parents. The others all have hand-me-downs/things passed on by other parents with older DC/things from the second hand shop.

There are no unqualified teachers in independent schools. 30+ years ago you could get a job in an independent school if you had a PhD. You'd be laughed at now if you applied for a job as an unqualified teacher.

My dc went to private schools and I have no regrets.

In MY experience
Huge choice of subjects and amazing facilities
Smaller class sizes
Rarely got any substitute teachers in secondary
Big range of extra curricular subjects and sports
The online learning was fantastic. It was run exactly like the school day with live teaching.

And for me probably the biggest positive is that all parents are interested in their kids education and supportive of the school. This goes a long way and makes a difference to the kids attitude to learning.

I went to private school and, unless something major changes, I won't consider sending my child to one. However, it is your choice for your child and no one else's.

The main difference as I see it is “customer care” parents seem to get a lot more info and input from the school. Also better sport. We have a great state school so these things aren’t enough to justify private but those are the advantages I see my friends getting who do go private. The end result kids are identical though anecdotally the state ones have better grades.

People always fail to understand that it isn't a generalised private vs state argument.

It is you with a handful of specific choices for your child.

State schools can be great or shit. So can private. But that's irrelevant. You need to consider the specific schools that are available to your child.

You consider the schools that are available to you, private or state, and you make the best decision for your child. And anyone else can get to fuck really.

Some good advice on this thread but also some ridiculously sweeping (usually anti- private) generalisations! All schools are different - do your research and send your child to the school you believe will suit them best. If the independent school is affordable to you, and the best match - then great…who cares what your family thinks?!

Truly good schools - whether state OR private - will offer excellent teaching, nurture pupils’ interests, have great pastoral care and help raise happy, well rounded people. Go with what will be best for your child and stop worrying about your family’s misguided views.

I would have been more than happy with my Dc at State secondary, they went to a state Primary but the State Secondary just wasn’t an option as far as we were concerned

Do kids have to take a test for the indie school? If so you better get tutoring. The kids around us who want to take that route started being tutored in yr5!

It comes down to the individual schools. Some independents aren't great and some state schools are excellent. Also, it comes down to the character of your child and what they'd benefit form and how easily you can afford it.

There isn't just one right answer as others have said. Private schools do have on average an academic advantage for A-levels and school budgets and resources are being hammered by the current government.

State plus is always an option where you use state and supplement with tutors and targeted extra curricular activities as an alternative.

This.

No freedom of choice then?