Opportunity to send DD to prestigious private school. Should I?

@Llamapalma
I think you need to evaluate the extras this school gives. We paid for DDs to board. We didn’t have to as DD1 got a grammar school place. I’m very savvy about schools and I’m certainly not saying you are falling for glitz! We are not all that stupid and your relatives are falling into the trap of knowing nothing!

What you should be falling for is opportunity. For your DD to have experiences she won’t get in the state system. If it’s identical, why pay? It’s not about buildings at all! For us it was about fantastic drama and music. Meeting girls like her. Having ambition for herself.

She won’t be the only bursary child. However most parents will be paying snd they have £20,000 plus available if it’s a day school. Or even a lot more. They are simply not average parents. I saw no scrimping! However no one is judging you. Hold your head up. Parents and pupils will be decent folk. You, being the same, will be fine and so will DD.

The results will be high. They only have children from higher income families who invest time and money in their kids education. The facilities will be lovely. They have to be. The parents are paying a lot of money. I am not saying this to upset you. I think that if you have the cash it will be a lovely experience for your dd. I am also saying that the glitz and feel is an important part of the draw.

I went to a private school in my junior years and for a lot of my high school years.
I lived in a small house on an estate. My parents suddenly earned a lot but spent all their spare money on my sisters and I going to the school.

There was a real mixture of wealth at the school and it never affected friendships from what I saw. Some of us lived in normal houses, some in big houses and some in mansions with housekeepers and gardeners.
I'm sure your daughter will find a mixture at this school as well.

If you believe it will benefit her education, take the opportunity. If she doesn't like it, you can always pull her out and move her to another school.

Depends which private school it is. Lots of fabulous state options. Many private schools not worth it, some definitely are.

@Llamapalma

Are there any other siblings, and is there the potential for the scholarship amount to change during her time there?

Do it. One of mine went private (generous scholarship) and one went to a well thought of grammar. The one at private, who was not as bright, has flourished, they genuinely cared about her dreams and helped her get there).The grammar seemed to have the attitude that you should be grateful to be there and were not interested in any concerns (I was absolutely not a complainer but had a genuine concern and got nowhere). My DS has done badly his A levels as a result and we are now picking up the pieces of that. My biggest regret is not moving my DS to private before he started A levels.

only my story and if my son hadn’t had a problem perhaps he would have been fine, but the opportunity for individual care and small class sizes are incomparable. I wish all children could have the opportunity but I wouldn’t deny mine out of principle.

There are families of all walks at a regular independent, please don’t worry about that x

OP- has your DD actually been offered a place yet? Presumably she still has to do the 11plus and pass the exam to get a bursary? Please don't get to excited just in case it doesn't all work out.

Can you easily afford £7k a year? I think that's a massive amount of money & I would blithely decide to send her as if that was nothing.

Sorry if I missed it - have you other children? How will you approach education for them?

Ignore the CLC comment! It's ratio of wealthy girls won't be any different to any others.

OP, your dc is obviously gifted in their talent so they should be given the opportunity to excel at it. She won't be the only dc in the school on a similar programme.

I think you have fallen for the look and the feel of a business which relies on their marketing to get people to part with their cash. It is unsurprising that you and your dd have been impressed. I have been to a few of these places and their grounds and facilities are always lovely. If you can afford it then fine but I wouldn't deprive myself of things to pay for this with the mistaken belief that she wouldn't do well or be happy in the state system. Bright, well adjusted kids do well in decent state education. No you won't get the glitz and the feel good factor of knowing you are in a niche place but it depends if you can afford the fees year on year.

I got a 100% scholarship to a Private school and had loads of friends and never felt different to everyone else.
DD had a 25% scholarship and again was fine - in fact having one was quite prestigious

If she loves it then I’d 100% let her go!

You can always pull her out if there are any issues.

I would worry about bullying as there was a thread not long ago about a parent pulling up in her old banger of a car and in her Asda clothing whilst all of the other parents had flash cars and designer clothing.

But you get just as much, if not more bullying in normal schools anyway.

So I wouldn’t let that stop me, I’d just be aware of it and try and reduce the chances of standing out so much.

My dd changed from state to private school. She’s in year 10. The children don’t differentiate between those, on full scholarships and those, whose parents pay. They are very matter of fact about it. Some of the parents are very wealthy. Others live in much more moderate circumstances. Dd has a bit of green eye at the kids, who seem to have everything. But there again, she is seen as having an enviable lifestyle by her friends from state school. It’s all relative.

I think it’s a bit of a myth that private schools are full of super rich children who live in mansions and play polo! Lots and lots of people sacrifice ALOT to get their child the best ever education, opportunities and start in life. At our school, loads live in normal houses with standard family cars. Loads buy second hand uniform. The girls are in H and M clothes as standard for parties. Your daughter won’t feel in the slightest out of place,unless this is Cheltenham Ladies College!

The more we visit the more she loves it.

Amazing!! Good for her!

If she loves it then take the chance - if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason she can cha he schools. But she will probably thrive and relish it.

I came from a normal family but went to a fancy private school with billionaire's kids, etc. it was a mix of wealth levels but an amazing school. It exposes me to a whole new world and I made great connections. My parents kept me grounded and I still live a normal life but I think my world is much bigger than if I'd stayed at state school.

From the timing and your post, she hasn’t yet got the opportunity but can apply for it - so don’t worry now about something but that may not happen. But I hope it does, and if so you seize the chance.

One anecdote: one of my DC was at a very prestigious private school. Made good friends with a pupil on a full scholarship. They both went to Oxbridge together and now share a flat. I promise you they never think about the difference in their backgrounds or home life - just that the other person is great. Decent kids will be the same with your DC.

Sounds like a fab opportunity. If you can, perhaps try and contact the school to try and arrange a visit/tour to go and see it in person.

I have never heard of any kids being picked on at the private schools we've attended for being on bursaries or less well off.

Secondary school isn't as small and cliquey as prep school can be, and my son (who's just left) wouldn't have been able to tell you who was on bursaries. Nor did they care. There's a mix of wealth in any case, and the kids don't pick their friends based on their socio-economic level.