Suspension woes

I would also agree that your sister should check what he is looking at online. Often boys of this age will mimic language or behaviour, when they have seen porn or other age inappropriate material online.

unfortunately, from my experience, boys in Years 8 and 9 seem to be the worst are when it comes to making sexual comments to female staff or students. Schools are taking this very seriously, and rightly so. It has a very detrimental effect on female students and staff, and makes them feel unsafe in a place which should be a safe environment.

He may well have a good academic record but in my experience it was the bright high achieving arrogant boys that were the worst behaving towards girls as the teachers all said “oh no I can’t imagine him being like that”. Simply because a pupil gets As in all their tests doesn’t mean they are brilliantly behaved, usually they feel immune to punishment because of their grades and the pervasive perception that they can do no wrong that teachers perpetuate.

The girl must have reacted negatively for him to apologise straight away. I don't buy he suddenly regretted it.

However he doesn't know how she felt and the fact she complained is sufficient. I honestly can't imagine it's the first offence and he has quite a sense of entitlement if he felt able to say this to an older girl. I dread to think how he thinks about or speaks to girls his own age.

You should be grateful that the school is giving your nephew a sharp wake up. He needs to learn from this and his family shouldn't indulge any victim narrative. He deserves 3 days suspension.

He may get the cold shoulder when he goes back to school as not sure many children will be keen to be associated with a sex pest however it will die down after a while. It will be uncomfortable for him and he might feel ashamed but that's the consequence of his actions.

I also think his parents need to check his online activity and block access to porn. Please encourage your sister to take this seriously as he needs to have a change of mindset. His comment came from a place of entitlement and his thoughts around girls.

Anyone have any words of advice I can give her ?

That comments like that don’t just come out of nowhere. She needs to crack down on this before he turns into a creep at best, a sexual predator at worst.
You are both minimising a vile comment.

Can I just reiterate what a pp said. Justifying sexual harassment by saying she seemed okay with it is appalling and worrying. It's a close cousin to the "she smiled at me", "she didn't say no" defence. You cannot behave sexually inappropriately towards a girl or woman and then filter your behaviour through your own entitled and erroneous perception of their unwilling and unwitting role in the event. There is NO justification. And apologising after the fact doesn't matter either.

He needs to be taught about sexual consent, boundaries and sexism very quickly indeed.

I'm pleased the school are on it.

"But he did say it. It was a totally inappropriate sexual comment and harassment."- Absolutely this.
Plus I can't get over the disparity in ages. He's 13 and said this to a 17 year old? It would be creepy enough if they were similar ages, but to have the confidence/ arrogance/ entitlement to say this someone in 6th form...?

I doubt this is a first offence- maybe the first time someone felt strong enough to call it out (I hope she's ok)

I think the leadership of many secondary schools have had their minds very much focused on how they deal with this sort of unwanted sexual remark due to the ofsted downgrading of a grammar school that went from outstanding to inadequate in one inspection, despite having no academic issues, because the inspectors felt they were not dealing with these issues.

That is vile and he needs to learn a harsh lesson before he gets into more trouble. In the workplace he could be dismissed for gross misconduct for example.

"- he did apologise immediately , realised that it was inappropriate and should not have been said and said as much"

But he did say it. It was a totally inappropriate sexual comment and harassment.

FFS - are will still supposed to be ok with lewd inappropriate sexualised behaviour from creepy men (and boys) on the basis it's a one off? He absolutely deserves his suspension. His behaviour was appalling.

Complainee did not seem bothered by the action

I suggest you explain to your DN that people who are the victims of sexual or other harassment tend not to react because it can make the situation worse and/or they don't want to appear weak.

The girl is to be commended for keeping her head, not engaging with the situation and dealing with this in the appropriate way by making a formal complaint.

There is more to this sounds like it was hate speech , maybe homophobic or racist.

Or it's not the first time and the punishment has been ramped up.

Support the school

Definitely not the first time he has done it. He deserves the punishment. Hopefully he will learn from it.

I'm willing to bet every penny I have ever earned that this is more like the thousandth time he's said such offensive, abusive and intimidating stuff to girls.

Also the fact he is 13 and she is 17 is irrelevant. It is still sexual harassment. Hopefully he will learn from the exclusion that this sort of comment is never ever ok. By you and your sister complaining about the length of the exclusion you are giving the message that you don’t think it’s that bad.

Its the first offence that is known.

I wish that schools took this more seriously.
TBH I would be worried if the school didn't initially keep a closer eye on him.

Your DN needs to earn back everybody's trust.

I think that it's ok. Hopefully he will learn from this. It's a really horrible thing to have said. It's worse than an insult.
If this helps him think before he speaks in future then it will be worthwhile. The fact it's a first offence is good.

That’s a pretty shocking thing to say to a teenage girl. He may have apologised straight away - but think about how she feels now - he can’t take it back. Your sister is minimising it.

It doesn’t surprise me that it may have taken her a few days to complain. She may not have realised how bad it was, she may have been too embarrassed to talk about it. It takes courage to speak up about these sorts of things as a teenager.

The school will be wanting to send a clear message to all the boys that this is not acceptable, hence the 3 days. I suggest your DN goes back, keeps his head down, stay well away from the girl, and it will blow over.

Completely fair. How would you feel OP if a colleague said this to you?

So he sexually harassed a student and your sister thinks a three day suspension is too harsh?

I can see where he’s getting his sense of entitlement.

I think the suspension sounds fair now you have told us what the comment was. School should be a safe space for all, he made it an uncomfortable and unsafe space. In the workplace that would have been a formal disciplinary situation, possibly dismissal if it was part of a pattern of behaviour. I should imagine it’s not a one off incident either, unfortunately z. Just because the other pupil didn’t raise it straight away doesn’t mean it didn’t make her feel intimidated or disgusted and upset. I think you are minimising the behaviour of your nephew.

He deserves the suspension.