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Original poster

Headteacher meeting, awaiting diagnosis

81 replies

WitsHaveEnded · 14/09/2022 14:57

I'll try and keep this as short as possible without missing anything.

DD 13, just gone into year 9. Horrendous year last year, constantly late to school, detentions, on report for 3/4 of the year, truanting lessons, not completing work, but generally well behaved (their words). Countless phone calls from the school during the day, meetings with the year head and deputy head. She is not even 2 weeks into year 9, has already been put in Inclusion, and they've called me 9 times. Yesterday they said that "there is a waiting list of girls wanting to get into this school and she clearly doesn't want to be here", and today I've been called while at work to be asked to come in Friday AM to meet with the headteacher. Meaning an unplanned day off work for me.

She has nothing. All devices have been taken off her, she is grounded. Absolutely nothing gets through to her. I am out of words and ways to explain how her behaviour is affecting her and me. I've talked calmly, screamed, shouted, cried. She has been in counselling, currently been waiting since January for ADHD assessment, school are aware of both things, yet I feel like they are trying to "off roll" her out of there without them ever putting any sort of behavioral plan in place or proactively trying to manage her behaviour in school. Everything just results in detention, or inclusion, which they've admitted don't work, or calling me for what seems like just a chance to complain about her being late to lessons. Other than me quitting work and volunteering to chaperone her to each lesson how do I manage that?

I've been told a behavioural plan can only be done with a diagnosis. Is this true? I was under the impression it wasn't needed. While in general I agree she is a nightmare, I am at a loss right now as to what more I should be doing than what I already am.

What questions should I be asking when I meet with the Head? I don't want to be steamrolled the minute I sit down.

Any advice for a very worn down Mum would be much appreciated 😪

OP posts:
Original poster
WitsHaveEnded · 14/09/2022 16:04

Thank you, oh god the tears have started ha! This is what I've been thinking. It's not right. They're punishing her over and over and expecting different results each time. Taking away her lunch break the next day for not completing enough work in one lesson is a punishment after the fact and doesn't actually solve anything imo. They know she is a daydreamer, gets easily distracted, yet I've had to personally ask each teacher at parents evening to seat her at the front away from distractions. That should be something they should be managing surely?

She isn't perfect, but it breaks my heart thinking of the daily batterings she gets with the "you're not doing good enough" punishments, her self confidence is shot to pieces. As is mine as a Mother.

I just want to be able to matter of fairly tell them what I KNOW they said be doing instead of them just sitting me down to tell me what she is not doing.

OP posts:
RainPlease · 14/09/2022 15:59

Yeah I should have taken issue with the word "behaviour plan" there too. They sound awful.

Leonarar · 14/09/2022 15:52

Behaviour plan, what tosh!

How about a plan for “how school will meet X’s emotional needs”? Ask them what they feel the function of her behaviour is, what is the unmet or unexpressed need at the root of it?

She doesn’t need a diagnosis to receive help at the “SEN Support” level - it’s in the Code of Practice!

RainPlease · 14/09/2022 15:49

The school can put a behaviour plan in place without a diagnosis. The school should be looking at needs not diagnosis, and clearly there is some unmet need there. What have the school been doing? What is she being put in inclusion for? What do they do after they've thrown a detention around?

No school whose response to this is "she clearly doesn't want to be here so whatever" is a good school. They might look good on paper but probably because they manage out young people like yours.

Original poster
WitsHaveEnded · 14/09/2022 15:39

She doesn't to move schools. She doesn't know why she is this way. She's always been so laid back she's practically horizontal, it's been mentioned throughout every year of school so far, while she was in primary it could be managed but now she has to be more self motivated and independent she's really struggling.

She did in Year 8 become best friends with a girl that did seem to be a bit of a free spirit. Not the worst and nice enough but vaped aged 12, didn't have a curfew etc and she definitely had an influence however she is moving schools imminently.

My fear with moving schools is that it'll just be more of the same. Also, where she is right now is by far the best senior school where we live. The others wouldn't be an option, ever. But I'm worried it's going to be taken out of my hands.

OP posts:
XelaM · 14/09/2022 15:07

That's horrible OP. I'm so sorry, but what does she say as to why she's doing it? Does she hate this particular school? Is she meeting up with someone outside of school? What about trying to move her to a different school to try to get a fresh start? Would she want to move schools?