Girls not allowed to use toilet during lessons - what to do?

Hi op
It sounds like a very good school. Maybe see how your daughter gets on with the toilet rule for a while before questioning it. They obviously have it for a reason. And don't forget teachers have the exact same rule themselves.
I'm a teacher and I find it takes a little while in the autumn term to get used to using the loo when I can rather than when I need to, if you get me.
And teachers always use their discretion particularly with younger girls asking. Already this term I have had to be quite blunt with some boys who tried to tell me they should go as I let a girl go. And as some pps have said this is a major source of conflict in lessons if there is no rule against going.

If you have a good reason, then school will issue a toilet pass.

True. But not every high school girl wants to announce they NEED the loo because they can't hold their period in! Tbh unless a child is leaving a class multiple times during lesson, the rule should not be enforced unless a child has already been in class it's perfectly reasonable that a child needs the toilet. It's usually groups of kids that mess around in the loos

Agree with this, DD's school has this policy but she has definitely gone during a lesson. Once she got told off being late as was sorting out a sudden period start and told the male teacher exactly why she was late

I don't think you can challenge unless a teacher has denied your DD to go to the loo.... tbh some teachers would let you go but there's always one to say NO.

I had this with DS and I spoke to the teacher... she wasn't pleased but I just stated DS could get a UTI and if you need to go... plus year 2 is small still.

I'm sure she will be able to go. Most schools say no but in reality no teacher is going to refuse a student who is desperate. If there were no policy students would just be off to the toilet constantly, because they are bored, want a walk, meet their friends, fix hair etc. Multiply by a class and the disruption to everyone's learning would be massive. As adults we do have to control our bladders and bowels and go at appropriate times, I fail to see why children shouldn't learn this skill too.

SMT member here, yep I’d challenge. In most schools that would mean a block of over two hours without access to a loo, not ok.

However, some students do use loo breaks to wander, stare dreamily at the sea and sunbathe ( live abroad and work in a school with a glorious location). I sometimes notice one or two students were trotting to the loo every lesson, I would simply and quietly say that the teen needed to make up the time of lost learning during break, only have to carry this out once or twice. So if they are gone for 5 they make up 5. Obviously this would be for repeat instances and I check there are no medical conditions etc. In twenty years, one parent was sniffy about it, but as I explained when kids are in employment they will still have to catch up on their assigned tasks if they use the loo outside set breaks. This might be a suggestion to the school if they are trying to prevent kids wandering during lesson time.

However, I feel strongly kids need to use the loo when they need to, for some students using the loo during lesson time feels safer because it is quieter, also no sensible teacher allows kids to the toilet in pairs etc.. standard response is yes go, but when so and so returns.

OP, I think the most worrying thing is the sign that this school cannot adequately instill self-dicipline, and so it is relying on blanket bans and over-regulation.

Time to look for a school that can do better.

It’s a reasonable rule that children are not allowed to go to the loo during the lessons and they should go during the break. I would not imagine it is a hard and fast rule though for something like a kid who is having a period, in which case they can go to the office. Surely the best way of handling it is to have a word with the school. Obviously staff do not want kids to go nipping to the loo every five minutes as they will do if a rule isn’t in place. But there is the general role and there are the exceptions as when a kid say has an infection or a problem

Gosh. That rule was in place when I was girl. It's disruptive to leave during class blah blah blah. If someone needed to go they would raise their hand and ask then have to go through the usual script..

Girl: "Can I go to the bathroom, please?"
Teacher: "Why did you not go on your break?"
Girl: "I did."
Teacher: "Hmm. Ok don't be long."

But occasionally you'd be told "you can hold it for 20 minutes" by the ridiculously strict teachers. I was a terribly shy child, though, so did have some period accidents because I didn't have the courage to raise my hand in case I was told no. Then had to spend the rest of the day with my cardigan tied around my waist. It was miserable.

Most schools have this type of policy.

My current school sends almost daily reminders to staff reminding them not to let pupils go to the toilet in lesson time. There are legitimate reasons for this including; vandalism, pupils arranging to meet up for social visits in the toilets during lesson time and pupils using their absence from the classroom to disappear from the lesson for a very long period of time. Of course some of these issues can lead to safeguarding concerns hence why there is a blanket ban. If every single pupil who asked to go to the toilet went when they asked, it would be impossible to know where pupils are and what they are doing etc.
However, there is a list of pupils who have a toilet pass and are allowed to the toilet. Most staff in the school know which pupils these are and this eliminates the need for the pass to be shown. It is also written into our policy that if the member of staff needs to see the pass, this should be done discreetly.

Of course, the vast majority of teachers will use their judgement, even with such policies in place. I have let pupils with period problems go to the loo when I shouldn’t have done because you know when a pupil is being sincere.

Please note that sometimes, it puts teachers in a difficult position and that they don’t always agree. For example, a few months ago, I was pulled to one side by a senior member of staff who had been in our block and had observed three pupils leave my classroom over the course of an hour to go to the toilet. The member of staff told me off. Each of the pupils had toilet passes and so had I not let them go, could have go into trouble in other ways. The policy says me must allow those with toilet passes to go…no matter when in the lesson or how often. The senior member of staff did not apologise or admit they were wrong but simply
issued a warning to the teachers in the block that they would be monitoring toilet use for the rest of the day. This then makes it tricky to use your compassion if you know someone needs it because you know they and you will end up in trouble, or simply not allowed to go into the toilet by the senior staff. Another reason to add to the many why after 12 years, I’ve don’t think this is the career for me anymore. I am seemingly not intelligent or trustworthy enough to use my own judgement with pupils I know in my own classroom.

Sod trying to concentrate whilst in desperate need of the loo! What on earths going on? If they’re concerned about smoking/vaping in the loos, surely they can install smoke detectors? They even have vape detectors now.

Put yourself in the teacher's shoes though where half the class want to go to the toilet and argue the toss about it, too. It's incredibly disruptive if children are in and out of the classroom. It's very hard to allow one child to go and not another.

I think a lot of parents would be shocked to see a video of how their children behave in class. (I'm not referring to the OP's child here.)

@VioletToes I don't get what you mean? The students don't HAVE to tell me why they are going to the toilet, but sometimes they choose to. And they trust me because I have a good relationship with my students and we've taught them to be open and honest and that periods aren't something to be embarrassed about. Although I understand year 7s are still adjusting so will be more shy.
And I never said they go every 10 minutes. I said they go for 10 minutes in every lesson. Which, if they have 5 lessons a day that's 50 minutes of lost learning.

Then you are lucky. My periods as a teen lasted 7-10 days and I needed to change my tampon and pad hourly for the first 4 days.

OP

I'd ask them why they have this policy and what do they do if a child has a heavy period or a UTI?

Ask for a copy of their risk assessement.

It's a all girl school and this never came up as an issue? Are you sure there isn't an unwritten rule that allows visit to the restrooms in case of need?

Way to miss the point 🙄

They HAVE to tell you why they're asking to go to the toilet not at the allocated ridiculous set times. You might sound it that they 'trust you enough to tell you' but that's your ignorance showing.

Such a shit rule to stop a 'small minority' from going every 10 minutes (yeah right).

@tigerbear we have lots of different brands. Some modi bodi, primark, m&s haven't really noticed much difference between them. They are expensive. She started off with 4 pairs and just wore them during the day and used pads over night (&i kept washing them) then I bought another pair or two each month to build up enough.

She now puts them all in a separate bag by the washing machine and then I wash them all at the end. I wash them on their own, a cold rinse to start then I use bio washing powder and some anti bac stuff I bought in b&m, no fabric conditioner (it stops them being so absorbent)

It’s just unnecessary policing designed to control, not help

Obviously you never went to a school where troops of girls would claim they had their period to go and smoke in the toilets!

YANBU OP but I agree with others - don't go in all guns blazing. Ask.

@Fuuuuuckit Teenagers don't need to pee every hour at school, no. However, if they're not allowed to use the toilet when their body actually needs it, then they're going to end up peeing every chance they get so that they're not caught out. This in turn is going to make them need to pee more than they did before and only get worse. They won't concentrate on lessons. At least that's what happened to me and some of my friends.

I left school about 10 ish years ago and the whole toilet policy left me with issues. Even nowadays, if I know I have access to a toilet then I can last ages in between bathroom breaks. If I don't have access to a loo (so say a day trip to a city where there aren't any toilets, on a Sunday when everything is closed) then all I'll be thinking about is going to the loo, having an accident and won't enjoy it at all.

It really does affect some people quite badly to have all of these rules around it.

Teenagers don't need to pee every hour at school. They certainly don't at home. No doubt you spent weeks potty training her, teaching her how to recognise her body's signals that she might need a wee in the near future.

Secondary schools are open from say 8.30 to 3pm. She can go before school, after school and twice during the day. The disruption to lessons from even one or two kids leaving during the lesson is huge (Ive been teaching for a decade). I've yet to hear of a child getting a UTI from not being allowed to pee more than 4 times between 8am and 3pm.

The only exception is when girls come on their period. And with the use of emotional intelligence from the teacher they will usually be allowed to go (again, a discrete request at the start of a lesson rather than 30 mins moaning about not being allowed).

If there are ANY health concerns she should speak to her pastoral officer for a toilet pass. But it is unlikely that this will be issued preventatively. She has 6 hours after school to cram in the rest of her fluid intake.

I'm a teacher and this is the policy at my school too, I do not agree with it so I've never actually stopped a female pupil from going to the loo. Hopefully it's just a rule that isn't implemented much or it doesn't apply to girls? If I was a mum/female pupil I would just pester them about it. What is the teacher going to do? Rugby tackle to the ground?!

Create a fuss if your daughter is anxious about it.

Loads of my teachers growing up didn't want us to use the toilet during lessons, so I spent years going to the loo at every single break time "just in case", so every two hours. I found myself quite genuinely not being able to hold my bladder for more than two hours (max) and it's taken me until now, at the end of my twenties, to be able to train my bladder. The amount of anxiety I felt surrounding it all was unreal and it really did affect my ability to learn.

Just let people go to the toilet when they actually need to go and write it down. If the same kids are always taking the piss then deal with it. All of this "scheduling" your toilet needs is absolute nonsense that left me unable to go on day trips for years just in case there wasn't a toilet nearby.