Called a ''Social Parasite'' -- for sending DC to grammar

I've worked in a Grammar School. It's not how many of you imagine. It's not an oasis of MC children. There are many who come from WC/deprived backgrounds. It's great to see them flourish in an environment which suits them.

It's also good to see children work at a fast pace through the curriculum as there's nobody holding up their learning.

Many of the parents were left wing, but wanted an appropriate environment for their children to flourish.

I've never come across this nastiness. My children were educated at Grammar Schools and non selective.

I've worked at the other end of the spectrum in one of the worst schools in the country and seen so little learning taking place despite the best efforts of the teaching staff.

Who is it that’s giving you grief @Basherbasher you say family rift, is it your family sticking their nose in? Literally tell them to piss off with their uninformed and unwelcome opinion.

I don't believe in the grammar system tbh as I think it is incredibly unfair. However, my DD is starting grammar this sep. she passed the 11+ and I'm not going to stop her accessing the chance at a far better school just because others can't go. It's brutally unfair and I hate it, my it is MY child and I will give her every shot I can.

It's all very weird, OP and I love your decision that Mumsnet is Tory because it most certainly is not. Do you live in some kind of Greenham Common commune? Your "friends" and family sound horrible. The truth is brighter kids thrive in an environment of bright kids and the schools you mention have a grammar stream precisely for this reason. You're not paying and it's not your fault if some people pay tutors to help with the test. It would be equally if not more hypocritical to move to a naice Sussex village and enjoy a leafy comp. If they believe so passionately in "equality" ie levelling down, as it sounds, don't they all move somewhere godforsaken and send their children to failing comps ... ?

FFS give your children the best education you can afford/access. Just ignore the naysayers and tell them to mind their own bloody business.

Grow a thick skin. I sent DC to a brilliant independent school. Some close family never spoke to me again. Won;t even set foot through the door of my house. We are a very left wing family. I am a pretty left wing person - way left of centre in almost all respects. But...I went to a shit comp. My DC went to s hit state school. I saw the problems of my shit comp recycled in their shit state school (whihc was in a very naice area and had facilities that outsripped local private schools - but the attitude to bullying, the attitude to academic development sucked so much that we looked elsewhere.

I don't give a toss what my family think of me. My DC thrived. It was my job as a parent to ensure they would and they did.

What the hell business of it is theirs where you send your child to be educated? We caused a few raised eyebrows by choosing to send our children to a grammar in the next county when our local comp was failing, but by the time our youngest reached 6th form it had improved massively and we were more than happy for him to move there for his 6th form studies. Incidentally, the people giving us the snotty reactions were the same ones who thought nothing of forking out thousands for private schools, so I suspect their reaction had nothing to do with politics... 😉PLEASE OP don't remove your happy and settled child from a school purely to satisfy other people and their political agendas!

Gosh OP no you mustn't move your DC, they have done nothing wrong! I can't stand the grammar system and how it is now a middle class free private school option that involves money spent on tutoring etc which means that many children are pushed out of the choice.. but I wouldn't want any child to not go to one if that was a good option for them, and he is settled and happy so you have done a great thing. Try and shut your ears, they should be keeping their thoughts to themselves not making you feel bad for something you are freely able to choose.

This is why I don’t employ anyone left-leaning. Holier-than-though ‘holes.

People will do the best for their child within the system available.

Grammar schools are divisive and probably not the best way to do things, but until they come up with a better system, I would do the same as you OP.

I went to a grammar and although I am left leaning in my political views, I'd send my child to one in a heartbeat. I had a better school experience than most people I know and would want the same for my child. Contradictory? Probably, but as I said, you do the best thing for your kid within the system you've living in.

Your friends are being unreasonable to judge you and should put that effort into fighting for a better system.

I come from Tenterden and don't recognise this anti grammar sentiment that causes rifts - bar a few vocal individuals, most people understand you are doing your best as parents? You just go where you can, and with the expansion of Ashford most kids in Tenterden and the surrounding villages can't get into the Ashford grammars like we did in the 90s. Homewood has good pr, but it has got more comprehensive since Ashford grew to twice its previous size. It also takes pupils from the Cranbrook School catchment too. It's also made a big thing of its "grammar stream."

I think, tbh, your friends and family don't sound very nice. I don't like the selective system, but we live in Kent and make the best of it. I wouldn't dream of saying anything so nasty to you.

Funny how this thread appears just as there talk of grammars in the news

I live in an area with great comprehensives but close to the border of a grammar area.On our street there are teens at comprehensives, private and grammar.
It would be completely hypocritical of me to judge the families who use the grammars when I bought a house near great comprehensives on purpose. I don't judge tbh (my son isn't super academic so didn't take the test anyway)
There is no way I'd change my son's school because of family say so. Even if you changed to an acceptable school for them, you will always be the person who chose grammar.

I think it says something when most Labour politicians who are sooo adamantly opposed to Grammars send all their kids to private schools

Does anyone else feel guilty or a sense of shame for having sent their child to grammar school?

Haha no. Proud and grateful, why should I feel shame? Isn't it interesting how those socially oh so responsible friends and family who are able to buy expensive homes near those desired comprehensives and therefore buy their dc's better education anyway are all about shunning and shaming people? That's not exactly #bekind is it?

You'd be a fool taking your dc out, he earned his place, why would you want to appeasements people who are horrible to you and your family?

I imagine demonstrating commitment to faith (through baptism and a priest’s reference) would always have been the priority category for the faith schools’ admissions criteria; in that sense those schools must have always been selective - although the intake would possibly be more academically mixed at a faith school than a grammar, so in that respect more reflective of a comprehensive intake.

Anyway, I think you need to listen to your instinct of what is the right fit school for your child in the context of where you live and it’s really nobody else’s business what you choose.

What’s changed - what were the comprehensive schools in Kent the 1990s and 2000s? I thought Kent had always had the selective / faith / secondary modern system?

Grammar school parents (not all of them) are selfish to some degree (I would include ourselves in that by the way) as we are trying to achieve some sort of distinction or snobbery over other people.

OP this is absolute nonsense. All parents should be selfish when it comes to their child's education. You are there to advocate for your child and it's perfectly natural to secure the best education that you can for them.

I live in a grammar school area so am aware of the potential for drama, but I honestly can't imagine giving a crap what other people think of the decisions I make regarding my children's education.

This.

Who cares what they think. And that should be your response. I'd be glad I was able to send my child to a selective school just to piss people like them off.

I'm surprised you didn't anticipate this to be honest given that your family are education professionals. You make your choices but anticipating effects of those choices is something that goes along with it.

Oh for gods sake. I eye rolled at a lot at the mention of left wing, shunning grammar schools. It's like a strange kind of inverse snobbery that you describe. They sound smug and hugely pretentious. Fuck em and be glad your child is in a good grammar school.

The issue with grammar schools isn't just the fact that it creates a permanent divide based on possible fleeting achievement differences but that now passing of exams is heavily prejudiced by money- tutoring is the norm- i also know people who had their children at expensive prep school and tutored - seeing it as a good investment to get into free grammar schools. that said though i suspect the catch ment areas for the good comprehensive schools your friends have access to are equally money driven- so their moral high ground is limited