Called a ''Social Parasite'' -- for sending DC to grammar

Oh tell them to fuck off, none of their business. My mum pushed for both me and my sister to go to grammar school (we were working class, my mum got a second job in a factory to afford the tuition) and as a result fell out with all my dad’s sisters and still doesn’t speak to them 30 years later!!! They said the same thing “who does she think she is etc.”

Your kids, your choice.

Just ignore the sanctimonious lefties.

I don’t understand the polemic about grammar schools. Honestly, I don’t. Maybe because I didn’t go to school in this country and I haven’t experienced the system, but…
There are so many different ways of learning for so many different kids. Why is this bad?
I like the idea of my daughter (who is very academic and LOVES learning and doing homework) can be surrounded by kids that have this in common with her instead of being bullied for it (as it happens to her in primary school). I don’t think a grammar will be a good fit for my son.

You know your child, make the best decisions for him, not for everyone else.

@goldfinchonthelawn My son is fine with it - he's quite self-confident for someone with not much experience! We gave him the final choice in where he went, so we don't get blamed for it.

@mellicauli - does your son feel he missed out socially and that has held him back? DS2 did for quite a while. he was a bit bitter about having been at an all boys' school as he felt embarassed and awkward around girls. I pointed out to him that I was at a mixed comp and there were lots of boys there who were embarassed and awkward around girls, and that if you are a late developer it can be painful to share a class with girls you adore but who you see snogging other boys at lunchtime. Now that he has a steady girlfriend and over half his closest friends are girls, has a flat share with girls and goes on holiday with his best girl mate, he realises that it took no time at all to catch up. But fro a while he was a bit judgemental of our choice.

My son has just come to the end of his grammar school experience. The differences in outcome were not those you'd expect.

My son got good A' levels and now has a place at a good university doing the subject of his choice. As did his equally bright friends from junior school who went to the local excellent comprehensive school.

The main difference was social: my son's friends were a lot more dispersed geographically and a lot more non-English pupils with more family-orientated social expectations. As a result, he had much less in the way of social opportunity. He went out less but spends more time socializing online. He didn't have girlfriends. He doesn't drink and party like I see his friends doing.

My son also had a lot more in sporting opportunity than the comp - with a great mates with his rugby team and games every Saturday, huge swimming pool, massive gym.

We did have some negative sentiment around our choices for our son. Ironically the most negative sentiment came from the next person along the road, whose son would have missed out on a place at the good comprehensive if our son hadn't gone to grammar. For her son, I was an enabler, not a parasite.

I wouldn't feel guilty: your job is to do the best for your child under the school system provided. You'll find people in the comprehensive system giving their children extra help, with tutoring/help with homework etc, which isn't an option for everyone.

Systemic change and social change are the job of government, not the individual.

I think this is a wind up. "Carry that cross"?

On the basis it's not, why are you "stigmatising" children? Have you said your child is better than the children at the comprehensives? Some thrive in very academic surroundings, some find find their feet in environments where more emphasis is placed on practical skills. Why is the grammar "better" - it's better for some children including your ds, so that's great.

I would never criticise anyone who lived close to a grammar for sending their kids there, it's a perfectly understandable choice. I say that as someone who strongly disagrees with the existence of GS's in the 21st century

If you truly feel so conflicted and believe your DS has ongoing issues with his school, where would you propose to move to specifically? Does it matter how ‘good’ any comprehensive school is rated or do you feel that it is a race to the bottom and an underperforming school will be best? You must know that however you exercise this move, you may either be feeding a different unfair system (eg buying into an area with a good comprehensive) or feeding into your socialist friends beliefs by buying into an area with a failing school and leaving your DS to carry that cross…..

Name calling and bullying are unacceptable at any age. He and you have the right to pick what you consider the best school from the options available to you.

We live in an area with grammars. I'm in the conflicted position of letting DD rake the 11+ (I think she's capable of passing) because although I dislike the system we live in a very nice area that is outside the ever shrinking catchments of the good non-grammars. Anyone who doesn't take it or fails outside these shrinking catchments either has to be Catholic/religious, bus their child out of the city daily or fight over the remaining schools, all rated inadequate. The disparity is not the same in every area, but a large part of my distaste for the system is that if you're lucky to have a bright kid or money for tutoring (or a house close to, perhaps within a mile of certain schools) your kid gets a good school, and if you don't your kid gets a struggling school. Normally the kids who end up at these schools are the ones that actually need lots of support and input, but they won't get it in the schools everyone seems to have given up on. This is the conflict for me. I want to opt out of the system, but DD wants to take the test and I don't want to bus her two hours a day or put her in a school where half the kids don't even show up (genuinely, one of our nearest was put in special measures with this cited).

Every child should have access to decent education and support, and I don't know if we can achieve that whilst allowing certain schools to cream of the best pupils, pull in many more generally wealthy families and create such a divide in perception and attainment.

I say this as the total hypocrite I am still trying to play the system for my own child.

Of course it is.

I think this is a wind up anyway.

The grammar system is not equitable and should be abolished.

The grammar system is perfect for very bright children from families that prioritise education but can't or won't pay for private school or inflated house prices near outstanding comprehensives. Some kids are tutored, some aren't. Every single one of the kids who pass the 11+ are academically capable and /or have worked extremely hard to prepare.

Grammars are whole lot more equitable than having to pay 950K+ for 3-bed properties that are in catchment of outstanding comprehensives. I'd like to see more grammar schools, not less.

This thread recalls to mind Shami Chakraberti who vehemently opposed Grammar schools but had no qualms about sending her own DC to Dulwich College.

The grammar system is not equitable and should be abolished but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't make the right decision for your child .Your family members have chosen selective schools themselves by living in certain areas and are being supremely twattish by acting in this smug manner. Ignore it and only move if that is your choice.

No way are you a 'social parasite' we live in Kent and that's the way things are.

Oh, I'm in Bexley so our kids sit both the Bexley and Kent tests.
My daughter didn't pass either but us doing very well.
Son passed both - higher pass mark with the Kent than with bexley but the Dartford grammars seemed too intense. I'm not in favour of the IBacc which some schools only offer and I feel are only open to 'good all rounders' and many kids are not allowed to continue sixth form if they don't get the required grades at GCSE.

If they're all so dead set against grammars, why don't they move to some county where the non grammar options are awful, and send their children to school there?

They are only able to call you a social parasite because their alternatives are good schools in nice middle class areas.

What are they doing to improve schools in parts of the county where schools are poor?

What you're hearing is champagne socialism, the voice of privilege.

Fuck them. Glad they dont teach my kids. How mealy mouthed. And easy to decide to take the lefty high road as a teacher when you presumably have the ability to tutor them yourself at home.

These people are not your friend and you are completely entitled to make whatever decision you feel suits your child when it comes to schooling.

I live in Kent and the 11+ grammar schools is a pull for some. To us, it's just the way it is.
My daughter didn't pass, no big deal, went to the local all girl comp, did very well at GCSE and A level and decided against university. She has a great job within the Met Police which she enjoys, pays well and offers lots of career progression. She's buying a place next year and drives a BMW car. No way would I have pressurised her to go to uni.
Son passed, he's at grammar school and doing well but doesn't want to go to uni.
Living in Kent, as I have all my life, it's one of those things you accept. My daughters school is still a good school.
My son passed and so is an outstanding selective grammar but he doesn't like it. I've offered to try to get him moved to a less competitive grammar or the local comp but he doesn't want to as he has lots of friends at school. He thinks he'll dislike all school.
My family are mixed grammar v comp but happy to report, they've all done well.
Ps I never tutored either of mine (mum went to a really pushy independent and always said to me 'money doesn't buy brains'.)

Your comrades need to lighten up. Providing your ds with a good education is not selfish, it's sensible. Living is selfish, having children is mega selfish.
Is it selfish to go to University? To buy a home? To own a smart phone, a car? Well yes, all those things could be considered equally selfish. A GS education doesn't deprive kids who don't pass the 11+ of anything. Secondary moderns can be great schools depending on funding, intake and quality of leadership and teaching. They just go at a slightly slower pace than GS, which will suit those who are academically not as bright or mature later.

@Basherbasher what will you ultimately do, it sounds like you hate the GS?

'I cannot tell you how hard it’s been for DS to start at his grammar school with the eyes of other socialists and their children on him.'
This sounds like you live in a batty socialist worker cult.....Saint Jeremy Corbyn apparently divorced his wife because she wanted their child to go to a Grammar School. That tells you all you need to know about these ridiculous politically-driven attitudes.
As someone else has said there is no such thing as true equality in a free society as educated parents will always be able to help with homework/pay tutors/buy resources. Thank goodness.
Even in Scotland where there are no Grammar schools, there is a thriving private school sector in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen and Dundee.
Parents will always do what they perceive to be best for their kids and there is nothing wrong with this.

Don’t allow yourself to be conflicted

you know you made the appropriate choice for your child given the local situation

honestly don’t lose a wink of sleep over any of this. It’s only what’s important for your child that matters

anyone offer their opinion? Tell them you’re not interested

you do you. That’s all that any of us can do. As long as your child is happy, that’s all that matters

From their entrance criteria St Simons still doesn't select on ability and Homewood takes 20% on "aptitude", which in the MC population you describe was probably already the case.

What stopped you continuing with your plan to apply to one of them?

Well yes @Basherbasher this is the flipside of grammar schools – no one ever campaigned for more secondary moderns (DD2 went to one).

I hate the 11+ system – making irrevocable decisions about a 10-year-old's future educational path based on a single, non-curriculum based test, taken on one random day is morally and educationally dubious. Children mature at different ages, and 10 is far too young to make that decision.

But given your (lack of) options, your choice os perfectly valid.