Working class in Private school

My experience is that clothes do not matter in the slightest - the scruffier the better!

City specially do the 10+ to try to attract kids from the state sector. It’s not all that posh. Don’t know about Latymer.

Not London schools but you would be fine in the schools my dc go to - a big range of people - big old money, struggling old money, big new money (mostly footballers), traditionally middle class, notsobig new money and making sacrifices to send dc to the school on varying levels and plenty of people who sit somewhere in between. The key is to not care what people think. Being rich does not make anyone better than anyone else - know this and embody it - have confidence in who are and in the choices you have made.

I think it won’t be an issue. My daughter has been in independent schools from year 3 to 11. Her prep was almost exclusively working class. Her Senior school is not posh at all. The only hint she notices re: money is how often many of the children are skiing or in Dubai. Many aren’t though and no one judges.

OP, I have had kids at LU and it's not really an 'old momey' type of school the way public schools in the countryside may be. It's very urban. Lots of European families, those with Indian, Chinese, Middle Eastern heritage and some Russians and Americans - basically anything and everything. About a quarter are on bursaries, but nobody would know or care. The school is in Hammersmith, sandwiched between the A4 and King Street, so definitely no rolling grounds and all that. There's nowhere to park really so most kids come in by public transport. You don't see other parents much as there's nowhere to park!

There is no ski trip and definitely no cruises. What they do have is 'Activities Week' every June when exams finish. You get a kind of brochure and they all have to choose a week long trip somewhere. It's things like Bushcraft; or sailing in Cornwall, with a few further flung trips as they move up the school. As I remember, it was about £500 maybe on average. But there is the 'Horizon Fund' there which states that no student will miss out on any trip or activity because of a family's inability to pay. So, if you can't pay some or all of this, you just fill in a form, tell them why, and the money will be there. Same with any extra -curricular or music lessons or sports trips - the lot. The school has deep pockets and there would never be a situation where students would have to miss out because they can't afford something. Even uniform - if you can't afford it, they will help. Most buy it second hand anyway. Going into sixth form, there are something like 30 free places. They all volunteer in the community and at Calais. Nobody is bothered about clothes and brands really, except for maybe the odd supermodel daughter of a Russian oligarch (but they find that kind of thing funny if anything). If anything, the wealthier students play it down big time as teens don't want to be seen as 'posh' in relation to their friends.

Clothes don’t matter so much now. My Dd is on a bursary at boarding school & no-one knows - she just buys her clothes on Vinted like all the other girls do - they all dress exactly the same and it’s cool to get clothes second hand. In fact, the day kids there think all the boarders are really wealthy as the fees are so much higher for boarding. Kids genuinely don’t care. Parents might, but then they’re the assholes if they do.

Yes, in my year there were 2 twins on bursaries. They both picked biology and geography A level - 4 field trips to pay for in one term! Their parents were not thrilled but just had to roll with it.

Those parents would have had a fantastic last 2 years.

We were never bothered about the size of each others houses but No Uniform day could be very traumatic - but it was a new thing back in my day and not well policed. I had a look on the school website and the 6th form is no uniform but they are v clear there is a dress code.

is living in a tiny 2 bed room terraced house really feels deprived or embarrassing if you're at private school?

Definitely not! Children are far less worried about that kind of thing than some of their parents are. They mostly don't care at all.

Well of course. DDs old schools have polo teams. If you have to ask the price of a pony, you cannot get close to affording polo!!

Rich parents don’t breathe a sigh of relief. It’s really no odds to them. It’s the bursary parents who do and also campaign to get trips stopped!

Well I thought cruise might be out of date. There was always skiing, trips to Wimbledon - might as well organise it as stops people taking the day off, Henley, fancy 'volunteering' to exotic countries who have no shortage of cheap labour, the music tours, sports tours.

Biologists had to make do with Pembrokeshire but even thats gone fancy now. Parents must have breathed a sigh of relief during Covid when all the trips were cancelled.

There was always someone being announced at assembly for winning stuff on her pony as well, as if that had the slightest thing to do with school.

@AnnaMagnani

School cruise??? What era are you in? In my day, our grammar had this but now it’s £3000 plus for sports trips, £1250 for skiing and even more ££££ for art and geography trips plus USA for history and politics. Only scientists don’t go anywhere. Of course you don’t have to go. DC do notice though. As for other houses, boarders don’t invite others much. Day pupils do.

However the parents like DC to be with people like them. Eg shooting, ski chalet, Rock in Cornwall, signet rings, Clubs etc. Old money doesn’t have private jets: it’s a lot more subtle and not flashy.

Having been the poor kid in private school, I'd say it accounted for about 1% of my friendship issues.

Hyperselective schools as you are describing want smart kids, equally parents of all backgrounds want to send their kids there. So there is a mix.

Yes, the majority may be all going skiing every year, and you quietly know better than to apply to go on the school cruise, but the rich kids all have their own problems too - in my day, they were all the ones with parents having toxic divorces plus money to spend on drug problems.

A colleague sent her DD to private school. While she wasn't badly off, she wasn't in the league of her DD's best friend's family who had a private jet! Made no difference in the friendship and colleague was glad of the free childcare while her DD was in the Seychelles over the summer.

It's fine. Also everyone travels so far, and is so busy doing school work, that going round each others houses is not such a big thing.

I know the type you are talking about, much more subtle.. Holidays usually to France (as they or a family member or friends have a chateau), they always ski twice a year again usually France or the extremely wealthy /well connected go to Switzerland @TizerorFizz

If you can afford private school by "cutting back" a bit then you're not really working class.

Working class people in working class jobs could not afford private school no matter how they budgeted, shopped at Aldi instead of Sainsburys.

Your DC will be fine.

OP, one if my DC went through LU and what you describe would be a total non-issue. About 25% receive some form of bursary there - whereas I doubt you would even qualify for a bursary. So hopefully, that tells you all you need to know.

Do be aware though, that LU is fiercely competitive at 11 plus with about 15 applicants per place. Nearly all of them will have been among the 'top' pupils at their primary schools. The type of primary school your DS has been at will not be a disadvantage as they contextualise everything, but the reality is, many super-bright kids will not be offered places. So, if you are going the independent route at 11 plus, he would need to sit at least 5 schools (inc two less competitive ones) to mitigate against the fact it's essentially a numbers game.

I don't have direct experience of CLBS, but I imagine it's not at all dissimilar to LU.

If you looked at Tiffin Boys, did you also consider Kingston Grammar (it's not a grammar, it's an independent)?

Whst sort of area for you live in? Some schools run coaches.

this reminded me of a gruan article from a few years ago.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/mar/26/what-im-really-thinking-not-quite-so-rich-girl-student#comments

City of london is a good choice for a range of kids. Their fees are relatively low and they have a big bursary pot. The kids are much more likely to come from "ordinary" middle class backgrounds than super rich. They also travel so far to school that they live in a wide range of houses.

I agree with @TizerorFizz - your DH's family might be working class, but he is or has transitioned to middle class. Even if still in a blue-collar trade, he'll be the boss/owner if you are contemplating paying fees from your own income.

Lots of middle class families in 2-bed flats (let alone houses) in London, so I don't think you'd necessarily stand out from the crowd (though of course there will also be extremely wealthy families with large houses, but there will be far more who are in the middle)

If your DH's (reverse) snobbery is such that he really isn't at all comfortable with the idea, then it's not a starter (does he really think bursary pupils are all miserable and picked on?)

But do get him to look round both your likely state options and a couple of private schools, and then get him to really think about what sort of education is best for your DC. Don't let his insecurities be a veto if he's not even looked.

of working class families, in fact City is particularly mixed. Also lots of parents are working class done good, so nothing to be concerned about.

Plenty of London schools are full

@Hihohihoitsofftoworkmaybe
The fact that your DC knows a child is on a bursary might not be an issue for him but might be for the bursary child in the end.

We found that, as DC get older, they do compare lifestyle a great deal more. Less with boys but girls really do. Old money sticks together. They don’t do football or Mauritius. Their class is way more subtle but elitist.

Your DH shouldn’t undermine your DS by banging on about working class routes. If you can afford private education, he’s moved up to middle class. The true working class survive on low incomes, cannot remotely consider paying for private education, and don’t buy bigger houses. They are lucky to get social housing. So just accept that you are all middle class and aspirational. And why not??? Be pleased you can consider this expenditure and don’t look back to the past.

@Berry12345 , City of London is just as hard as Tiffin to get into. You should enter your ds for the first stage of Tiffin to have exam practice and give you an idea of where he sits in his cohort.

My daughter is at a private school in Belgravia. There are girls living within five minutes walk (houses there are £5m up), and kids in rental, and kids that live like us in a terraced house a long tube ride away (still expensive)!
The majority of kids don't care. You will always get those families taking off for skiing or Mauritius in winter and other holidays, but there's always a mix. My daughter is only envious that those who live close by get an extra half hour in bed in the morning!
Your child might get a scholarship if very bright and/or sporty or other talent, though these usually mean about 10% off fees.
Bursaries don't just look at income but the value of your house, savings, investments - more forensic than getting a mortgage!

My DS went to private school in N W London. We weren’t working class but struggled to pay the fees and did without other things. He made a group of friends with similar interests (sport, music, working hard, no drugs) who were all on a similar income level. Some did have lots of overseas holidays (we went to Dorset) but other than that he fitted in. And still has the same group of friends many years later.