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Original poster

Working class in Private school

60 replies

Berry12345 · 05/07/2022 14:41

My DS is very academic so I'm considering private Schools such as Latymer Upper or City of London School. (there's no Grammer school where we live)
However, my DH feels we won't fit in a private school life style.
We probably just manage to pay the fee if we give up luxury expense such as moving to a bigger house etc.
We're double income parents and have only one child, so I don't think we qualify for bursary.
Although my DH has a decent paid job, he is from a working class family back ground and I didn't grow up in the UK so I don't really get the real sense of English class system.
I personally don't care about how well other people do but is living in a tiny 2 bed room terraced house really feels deprived or embarrassing if you're at private school?

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Original poster
Berry12345 · 16/02/2024 20:27

SamPoodle123 · 14/02/2024 08:50

That is amazing. Well done to your son. Please could you tell me what he did to prep?

Show quote history

Thank you! We did Tutoring, creative writing course, Atom learning, lots of past papers of top independent schools, primary maths challenge past papers etc. Phew! I’m so glad that it’s over!!

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 14/02/2024 08:50

Berry12345 · 14/02/2024 08:20

Hey everyone, it’s OP here.
I just wanted to thank you all for the encouraging comments. Those comments meant a lot to me.

So, we decided to go for it, and we’ve secured a position at Latymer Upper, as well as at St. Paul’s, QE, and Tiffin (he sat for round 2).
DS has clearly shown his capability, and I’m really glad we took the chance instead of letting our working-class ego hold us back.
Thanks again, everyone!

That is amazing. Well done to your son. Please could you tell me what he did to prep?

LizziesTwin · 14/02/2024 08:25

Congrats to you & your son. May he have a happy time at whichever school you choose.

Original poster
Berry12345 · 14/02/2024 08:20

Hey everyone, it’s OP here.
I just wanted to thank you all for the encouraging comments. Those comments meant a lot to me.

So, we decided to go for it, and we’ve secured a position at Latymer Upper, as well as at St. Paul’s, QE, and Tiffin (he sat for round 2).
DS has clearly shown his capability, and I’m really glad we took the chance instead of letting our working-class ego hold us back.
Thanks again, everyone!

OP posts:
33aborfield · 23/02/2023 18:37

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

jeanne16 · 05/09/2022 15:08

I worked in one of the London Independent schools and one of our bursary pupils had a father who drove a bus that had a stop near the school. The pupil was treated normally by everyone and in fact was extremely popular with the other pupils.

Mumsafan · 05/09/2022 14:13

Our DD is in private school and I remembers my MIL saying when she first went " you don't want to go there - it's all children of doctors and lawyers!".

We have quite a few friends in these occupations and only a couple send theirs private. It's mainly the grammars their children go to.

There are children from all kinds of backgrounds at the school and none of the children care. It's the same in a lot of the schools tbh, I went to boarding school and we weren't the wealthiest, I just had a parent overseas.

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 04/09/2022 22:09

There's children from all classes. I suspect your partner has the impression it's all posh kids which is rarely the case.

honkeytonkwoman38 · 04/09/2022 19:30

We live in a deprived area of Leeds and the amount of children who get on the Leeds Grammar school ( private) buses here is high.

TizerorFizz · 04/09/2022 17:58

Because it’s not relevant. We have the backgrounds we have. I’m not really bothered about where people come from or whether they have been to university or whether they live in a stately home! What I really do prefer is to associate with pleasant people. I can truly say that’s what matters regarding parents in school. Friends I’ve known for years are another matter but when DC were in school, I’m equal. I don’t need to wear any badge or label at all. Certainly not the “look at how well we have done” one.

dipdips · 04/09/2022 17:51

@TizerorFizz why on earth wouldn’t you say where you are from? There is no shame to being working class and working hard to provide opportunities.

MuddlerInLaw · 04/09/2022 17:15

Erm ….?

What are you on about? I merely shared a link to a public school bursary policy.

TizerorFizz · 04/09/2022 17:06

@MuddlerInLaw
Honestly! We didn’t have a bathroom! I can also tell sob stories but I would never ever cling onto working class roots! It’s a total sham. If you pay fees and aspire to private school, you are not working class. You might be a champagne socialist, but that’s different. Do you do cleaning for a job? What about stacking shelves or working in a care home? Of course not! You went to university. Clever you. You became middle class. Harking back to a previous era is just naming you feel good and probably superior.

Im well aware what modern private schooling looks like. Usually better off parents paying bursaries for other DC as schools don’t have huge legacies. I’m middle class enough to pay up and never say where I grew up.

MuddlerInLaw · 04/09/2022 12:35

OddsandSods · 06/07/2022 06:59

There are loads of bursary awards at DDs school. Me and DH are working class (first in family to go to university, etc). No one gives a toss how much their parents have, I haven’t witnessed any snobbery or flash behaviour at all. The vast majority of people there are financially ok of course. You do notice lots on constant overseas holidays but other than that, no. And many more at the school don’t live that lifestyle. I think modern private schools are very different from the likes of Eton etc

Actually, in this regard the school you mention is extremely modern! Figures here:

www.etoncollege.com/admissions/financial-aid/

OddsandSods · 04/09/2022 12:25

TizerorFizz · 04/09/2022 11:38

@muppetsmum
I think you are correct. It always felt like that to me. Old money didn’t worry about their girls getting good jobs either. Marriage was a bigger goal to the right sort of man.

I strongly suggest that anyone calling themselves working class but affording private school is something of a joke. They are not on working class wages and they don’t really understand working class issues.

Not true. We have DC in independent school and DH and I were brought up working class and poor. I shared a bedroom with my single parent mother until I left home and we were dirt poor. DH used to wear 4th hand underpants. Much poorer than would be considered by today’s standards. We remember what it was like to have no money and the fear.

TizerorFizz · 04/09/2022 11:38

@muppetsmum
I think you are correct. It always felt like that to me. Old money didn’t worry about their girls getting good jobs either. Marriage was a bigger goal to the right sort of man.

I strongly suggest that anyone calling themselves working class but affording private school is something of a joke. They are not on working class wages and they don’t really understand working class issues.

adderadderankerchief · 04/09/2022 08:47

Incidentally, our local state grammars also have the ski trips and the £3,000 Caribbean cricket tour etc etc. The 'top' grammar takes about 20% of its intake from prep schools. It knows it's competing against the private secondary schools for students, and that it's the extra curriculars and trips that parents are often basing their decision on (because academically both types of school are very strong - they're trying to decide whether the extras at the private school are worth paying fees for).

blueshoes · 04/09/2022 01:56

muppetsmum · 04/09/2022 01:42

I don't know about London, but there's definitely a 'them' and 'us' at country independent schools. It isn't overt but there is a semi-permeable line between families to whom the fees make little or no financial difference, and those who work their butts off and make sacrifices to afford it (with or without bursaries, I don't actually think that's the decisive factor). The former group just have so much more common ground and shared history in terms of leisure opportunities/hobbies/destinations that even if it's not deliberate, they live in totally different worlds all the time they're not at school. Yes, there is mixing and many of the privileged group welcome others in on occasions and on their own terms, but as the kids get older, they become more and more aware of the different out-of-school lives they lead. By most peoples' standards, we lead a comfortable life but are having to give more and more up with each passing year. Our kids are really good about it and we try to emphasise our pride in our hard work rather than accidents of birth allowing us to give them a fantastic education and opportunities we didn't' have. (I don't mean to imply that there aren't plenty of self-made very wealthy people, but they are the exception rather than the rule around us.) Yes, friendships do form between both kids and parents across the groups, but it's not a level playing field.

I did not know that. I don't think there is a similar divide in London private schools but it is hard to generalise because there are so many choices in London. I don't know about Latymer but I don't think City is that 'posh'. Children go there from many parts of London and the commonality is that the parents there are ambitious for their children, enough to pay for their education.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/09/2022 01:52

muppetsmum · 04/09/2022 01:42

I don't know about London, but there's definitely a 'them' and 'us' at country independent schools. It isn't overt but there is a semi-permeable line between families to whom the fees make little or no financial difference, and those who work their butts off and make sacrifices to afford it (with or without bursaries, I don't actually think that's the decisive factor). The former group just have so much more common ground and shared history in terms of leisure opportunities/hobbies/destinations that even if it's not deliberate, they live in totally different worlds all the time they're not at school. Yes, there is mixing and many of the privileged group welcome others in on occasions and on their own terms, but as the kids get older, they become more and more aware of the different out-of-school lives they lead. By most peoples' standards, we lead a comfortable life but are having to give more and more up with each passing year. Our kids are really good about it and we try to emphasise our pride in our hard work rather than accidents of birth allowing us to give them a fantastic education and opportunities we didn't' have. (I don't mean to imply that there aren't plenty of self-made very wealthy people, but they are the exception rather than the rule around us.) Yes, friendships do form between both kids and parents across the groups, but it's not a level playing field.

Most London day schools are much more diverse than this. There are some more limited ones, but they are the minority an not on the OP’s list.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/09/2022 01:49

You will fit in fine. These schools have kids from diverse backgrounds in all senses, many of whom scrimp and save to pay fees.

muppetsmum · 04/09/2022 01:42

I don't know about London, but there's definitely a 'them' and 'us' at country independent schools. It isn't overt but there is a semi-permeable line between families to whom the fees make little or no financial difference, and those who work their butts off and make sacrifices to afford it (with or without bursaries, I don't actually think that's the decisive factor). The former group just have so much more common ground and shared history in terms of leisure opportunities/hobbies/destinations that even if it's not deliberate, they live in totally different worlds all the time they're not at school. Yes, there is mixing and many of the privileged group welcome others in on occasions and on their own terms, but as the kids get older, they become more and more aware of the different out-of-school lives they lead. By most peoples' standards, we lead a comfortable life but are having to give more and more up with each passing year. Our kids are really good about it and we try to emphasise our pride in our hard work rather than accidents of birth allowing us to give them a fantastic education and opportunities we didn't' have. (I don't mean to imply that there aren't plenty of self-made very wealthy people, but they are the exception rather than the rule around us.) Yes, friendships do form between both kids and parents across the groups, but it's not a level playing field.

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/07/2022 23:37

Not at all, plenty of people beg borrow and sacrifice all holidays and cars to pay for these schools

The two you mention have a broad intake compared to a more trad public school like Westminster (not that Westminster might not suit you, go see.)

Lots of parents will have WC backgrounds, and lots of ethnic diversity too

Lunificent · 10/07/2022 23:34

TizerorFizz · 08/07/2022 20:11

@Lunificent
Mostly working class parents at a prep? Are they giving huge bursaries to nearly everyone? Or are you judging accents and not looking at their middle class possessions snd activities? Do they not own property, cars or have decent holidays? I bet they do and they have left any genuine attachment to working class a long time ago. Have their whippets and cloth caps appeared yet?

No judgement, just facts.You’re extrapolating a bit much.
Most parents at DD’s old prep are working class with money. I know them. I’m one of them.

SafelySoftly · 08/07/2022 21:55

If you don’t think your child will get into Tiffin, I think you’re underestimated the fact they might get a bursary for private school…

TizerorFizz · 08/07/2022 20:11

@Lunificent
Mostly working class parents at a prep? Are they giving huge bursaries to nearly everyone? Or are you judging accents and not looking at their middle class possessions snd activities? Do they not own property, cars or have decent holidays? I bet they do and they have left any genuine attachment to working class a long time ago. Have their whippets and cloth caps appeared yet?