Son misbehaving at school

@EweCee - I think it’s more likely that the boy in question was sexist in that he would more likely listen to advice/sanction etc when it’s coming from a man (especially a man at work) than a woman or his parents. It does piss me off but I think there are some men that think like this.

Consequences and sanctions just serve to treat the symptoms. They are necessarily and useful but the core problem will not correct until the root of it is identified.

There could be many different reasons for this behaviour but, from what you've said, it seems to me that your son prioritises being the class clown. If that's true then he is valuing how others view him and his 'position' with his peers above his education and development. The only way to address that is to root out why: is it insecurity? Is it identity-based and that without being class clown he doesn't know how he fits? Is it overconfidence in his own abilities? Is it that he doesn't recognise what the impact of underperforming will be? Etc.

Often at that age it is just emotional immaturity in a developing teen. Year 7s and 8s are often the worse but they grow out of it. There is a lot of social and peer pressure, they are trying to figure out who they are and they are impulsive and have poor judgment. They want to impress and fit in but don’t know how. Add to that the end of school is still years away and many don’t really care about the possible consequences as to them school is just school.

Not the point of the thread, I know, but I hate the casual sexism implied here.... not all engineers are men, particularly at a multinational firm.

im regularly in touch with my sons teachers / tutors / HOY

nothjng has changed or improved despite all of our very best efforts.

Are there any high sugar snacks and fizzy drinks that could be contributing? Would increased physical exercise help? Just trying to think outside the box.

Do you get a record of detentions? We can check online and see the reason for detentions, etc. How I'd discipline would depend on what he was doing.

If these are ongoing issues, I'd ask HOY to send you a note home or an email whenever he has a detention. And arrange a check-in meeting with HOY in a month's time to see if your DC's behaviour is improving or not. You need to show school that you care and are involved. The more information you have, the better you can support your DC.

A secondary school teacher I know said her year 8's are the most disruptive- im wonderong if lockdown has anything to do with it

I also could have written this post about my year 8 child. It’s heartbreaking and our first experience of such behaviours. Our eldest showed none of this.

Literally can echo all you say and have a meeting with school. We are getting ours assessed for Dyslexia and I suspect ADHD too.

it’s sad because I’m forever thinking what the hell is coming next. 😕

I am in the exact same boat with my year 8 son.

he gets easily distracted / disruptive etc gets many detentions bad notes home, I get called weekly. I've spoke to year head. I've taken screens away, nothing has really changed!!

he hates school so it's all very stressful

he has lots of friends and gets on with them all.

im trying not to get so stressed as Its reduced me to tears at times.

I would chat to him about his behaviour being selfish. If that didn’t work I’d do something that annoyed him when he was trying to concentrate on a game/tv show - to show him that his behaviour is not funny - it is irritating to other people and furthermore reduces the life chances of his classmates who might want to learn (have no idea how this would go down btw - my kids are all pre-teens).

taking him to GP re:adhd and giving him strategies for what to do when he feels the urge to say something or get up might help. Eg can he doodle on paper instead?

personally I would definitely have home consequences for behaviour at school because I don’t think it is acceptable to ruin other kids’ education.

I'd go for carrot and stick.
Grounding/loss of privileges if he gets a detention. Reward if he manages say 2 weeks without sanctions.

I'm having the same issues with my son who is the same age. It's so frustrating - he's a good kid but for some reason at school he can't control himself. I think it's partly peer pressure and just being a teenager. I have threatened to take away certain privileges if his behaviour at school doesn't improve. So far it has slightly, I'm hoping when he moves up a year he'll mature.

My son is slightly younger but at secondary school. It was low level but constant disruptive behaviour (from quite a few children in his class). We had a meeting with HOY and Form Tutor. We also took phone, ps4 and grounded him until behaviours improved. We also said that school needed to be consistent and let us know if they were having issues.

Things are much better, he has managed a couple of weeks without a detention. I'm not sure if I fully agree with consequences at home for bad behaviour at school but I was getting so many phone calls that I was constantly on edge. Home was awful for a week but things are ok now.

Good luck.

Agree ADHD can cause issues if there are other indicators... although I have 3 children with ADHD who would be mortified to get in trouble in school 🤷‍♀️...

If he's getting into trouble that often at school, then school will already have been in touch with you.
Contact the school if not. Ask for a meeting. Be proactive. Ask them what he's doing, when he's doing it, and why he's doing it. They will give you a much better picture than he will.
They will also tell you if they think he may have any additional needs.

School consequences for school.isdues detentions etc

Home consequences for home behaviour

What does he do at home that irks you?

Take him for a walk let him explain and talk

Yes I read your post. Did you automatically think ADHD as soon as you read about bad behaviour?
Doctors must get so fed up of parents hauling their badly behaved children to them with requests for a diagnosis.

I would read up on it and if it resonates, yes discuss with gp and ask about referral.
There's lots online e.g. www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/

Did you actually read what I wrote or did your eyes just alight on ADHD?

I have a friend whose grandson started getting into trouble like this - although his activities were a bit more serious. He also manipulated his parents so that the pressure drove them apart. He was bright but at 16 he didn't want to do A levels so his dad got him an apprenticeship at a multinational engineering firm. His attitude transformed within a couple of months. Being around other men that didn't take crap from him but at the same time gave him comeraderie seemed to demonstrate to him what appropriate behaviour should be.
So, although I know this doesn't help you in the short term, maybe it will give you some hope in the longer term that he can pull his life round.