Does grammar school change girls?

Very odd view!

I went to a girls’ school. I didn’t have brothers or see much of boys outside school. I like to think I still turned out pretty normal! I vaguely dated someone in sixth form and then started having boyfriends at university - which was about when I was ready for it, tbh. I also had male friends. I didn’t regard them as some sort of different species despite lack of exposure.

If I’d had raging sexual hormones from 14 then perhaps a single sex school wouldn’t have been a great fit, but in that case I suspect a mixed school would have been a bad idea for other reasons!!

Thinking back to the girls I met at university, I have no idea whether most of them went to all girls’ or mixed schools. You certainly couldn’t tell from their behaviour around boys. The only one who behaved a little oddly had been to a girls’ school and then moved to a boys school with girls in the sixth form, which was notorious for the boys judging the girls on their looks. I think that did affect her negatively.

FWIW, I think the academics are often better when girls don’t have boys in class.. Yes, statistics back this up.

Do I know you? 😂

Me!!!!
I went to a girls' grammar school and I absolutely was very weird around boys/men right up into my mid twenties. I think it's why I developed a binge drinking habit that lasted 20 years, and all my friends who went to the same school agree.

By chance, my husband went to an all boys grammar school, and he feels exactly the same, right down to drinking in social situations to deal with the excruciating social awkwardness.

I put a lot of maladjusted personality traits down to my schooling, even though it was academically excellent. All my friends who attended the school agree (about themselves) as does my husband.

This has always been an accusation, amongst all the accusations, thrown at single sex grammars. It doesn’t seem to be such a concern about single sex non-selective service, interestingly enough.

DD and I both went to single sex grammars. It wasn’t an issue. Everyone at school, including us, had social circles from primary school, clubs, local areas. Complete non-issue.

FWIW, I think the academics are often better when girls don’t have boys in class.

I went to a single sex comp and don’t consider myself weird, it was norm in our area. 2 girl comps and 2 boy comps and I went to the mixed 6th form. DD is at a mixed grammar. Fwiw there doesn’t seem much mixing in her friendship group her friends are girls. Their sixth form is also mixed.

Bit of an extreme view there SunshinePie

I am sorry to hear you had such a difficult childhood, but suggest that might be to do with your home rather than "single sex schooling".

Absolutely fine to make that choice for your own dc, but quite frankly, your final paragraph is ridiculous.

I went to an all girls’ grammar in the 80s, I was weird and embarrassed around boys at puberty but it didn’t impact my life after 16 when I went to a mixed college

In my experience, girls from a girls schools tend to be more confidant and don't feel like they need to change to impress men.
The downside is that they tend to usually know good men like their dad, uncles, cousins and brothers and don't read the signs when the men are not good or see through the words at the actions.

Does anyone have any girls (or boys) that have been through single sex schools and were not weirdos in the end with the opposite gender?

I am one. Comp, not grammar school though. I knew boys from sports clubs, music groups, local area, friends of friends, later through part time jobs and boyfriends met in various different places. I don’t think I ended up weird about men DH might disagree and I had a really solid female friendship group who are all still friends 15 years on, which none of my friends from mixed schools have (I appreciate that could be coincidence though).

What a load of rubbish! I went to an all girls school and we were all pretty confident with boys, loads had a boyfriend by 6th form. Most now married with children, all very normal.

I went to an all girls school and it was awful. I didn’t meet any males until I left home at 18. My abusive father was the only male in my life so that’s what I grew up thinking all males were like. I have made a firm decision my children will go to mixed school, why segregate on genitalia? It’s archaic, sexist, and discriminatory. The world is made up of all sexes, religions, skin colours etc why treat people so differently that they need their own school?

In 50 years time we will look back at single sex schools the same way we look back at separate cafes for blacks/whites. We will be shocked we accepted it for so long.

There is a podcast on BBC sounds which was referenced on a recent post about single sex girls school vs co-ed.
I found it reassuring as a parent of a yr6 about to go to an all girls school. (It was my dd1's first choice & was better overall school than the co-ed so I went with her wishes against my instinct)

As PP said, research shows that girls really thrive in single sex schools. My dd goes to a single sex school and it really suits her. Girls can be themselves without worrying about boys.

Hi Narwhalelife! I have worked in schools and with schools.

All the schools I worked in were co-ed. Boys' immature behaviour was moderated by girls. Girls were often intimidated away from Sports, Design-Tech and Maths-Physics by negative comments from boys or a strong negative stereotype about 'such' girls. Most girls were intensely body and looks conscious with boys around. Girls often did not join in discussions as these were immature or the girls were self conscious about coming across as assertive-aggressive-dominant and being put down accordingly. Generally, girls were clearly worse off.

My daughter was at an all girls secondary school and things were very different. She never even brushed her hair before school every morning! She and her cohort are fine and 'normal'. Her University Tutors said they can tell which women were at all girls schools as they are not intimidated by men: in Tutorials, Seminars or Plenary sessions.

A lot depends on having normal contact with boys outside of the classroom and in family life.

Also coincidentally bf1 and 2 both went to one all boys school, and DH to another all boys school 😂

I was shy around lads at 15/16 but I got a part time job and made lad mates. Met my first snog there, and my first boyfriend (different people). Met my second bf through my first bf (oops). Met others through volunteer work and DH online. Friends met lads in similar ways - teenage jobs, hobbies, going out.
I do have more female than male friends but it's not an issue, had good relationships with men at work etc.

Totally anecdotal but I used to work with a lovely girl who went to a strict catholic girls school, we were in our early 20s and she was just mental, totally promiscuous and said it was because she went to an all girls school

@DaisyWaldron
Really great post and my experience as well.

I went to an all girls comprehensive and did just fine meeting boys, had several boyfriends, got married and gave birth to two boys. I am still good friends with a large group of women I went to school with, all pretty normal people.

My son's go to an all boys grammar and, similarly, manage to meet girls and have girlfriends despite being at school with boys. Who'd have thunk it.

She's not just a loon, she's a loon with internalised misogyny. As a pp said, even if it did mean she starts dating later, how - with everything that young girls are facing in these times - could that possibly be a bad thing? Unless, of course, you feel that girls' function is to be with a man?

I went to girls grammar school.
I loved it and think it probably helped me feel comfortable in STEM subjects.
I didn't have much contact with boys while there, but when I went to Uni I went to the other extreme, met my boyfriend and socialised almost solely with men.

My DD is at girls' grammar. She is only Y7, but already has mentioned boys from boys' grammar next door and how annoying they are 😃 (they all travel on the same bus)

I went to a girls secondary. We weren't paired with the boys school but the boys school was around the corner. The sixth form was joined when I was at school but now both schools have their own sixth forms, and they are co-ed. Regardless you mixed on the street and in other places.

I ended up going to a college to do my A levels and 80% of my classmates were male as I did STEM subjects. Most had either been to single sex schools including private or educated abroad. The most immature boys at 16/17 were the ones who had been to mixed schools as they expected girls to act a certain way and be able to talk over you in classes. There as the rest showed you basic courtesy.

@DaisyWaldron
I recognise what you describe in my DDs. They are very secure in their own skin (as it were). They haven’t spent their school years attempting to impress boys or feeling inferior to them so grew up at school doing what suited them and had the opportunities to do just that. They developed healthy relationships with boys when they were ready.

I went to an all girl's school, and it was great. The thing that I really notice now us that when I was at school, being a girl was normal - girls were the default human, not special or precious or needing to be coddled or protected. The best athletes in the school were girls. The loudest kids were girls. The naughtiest, scariest, cleverest, strongest etc - all girls. In the school plays, girls did all the acting, but also did the sound and lighting and moved the scenery and played the drums in the orchestra. If a teacher needed a pupil to carry something, or stand on a desk to reach something, that pupil would be a girl.

When I left school and socialised in mixed groups more, I noticed that the girls who had been to mixed schools modified their behaviour more around boys - more delicate and flirty, and wouldn't talk about stuff like periods in front of them. But I had grown up with women/girls being my baseline for normal, so I treated men as honorary women, and I think it made for better friendships.