I would suggest that your DD had some extra prep (even if pretty limited) via school. To get the place with no prep at home or tutoring IS unusual. It isn’t impossible, as I said, but it is unusual. There will always be some exceptionally bright students who can do it cold, without having previously seen papers, but they will be a tiny number. The typical bright but not super bright student won’t get a place without any further work. So whilst it is incorrect for people to say it’s impossible to get places without tutoring, it’s also incorrect to indicate that it’s highly possible without any further prep or familiarisation.
And I think you’re right that the presence of VR and NVR can make a big difference. Those kind of Qs are the kind of thing which without familiarisation at least (and that really could be just having a go at a couple of papers so you know what the Qs look like rather than full scale preparation) you really are unlikely to perform as well as you could. The timing is so tight and the scope for basic errors is so high, that even the very clever usually need some prep to get the scores high enough for super selectives.
Of course, lots of state grammars and independents are selective, but not to this level. Even in those, most will have had some prepping from home or their previous school or tutors, but when the competition per place isn’t quite so high, there is more scope for students who are naturally bright to do well enough based on what they’ve been taught without extra input.
Its a really difficult one regarding messaging from schools and to parents. On one level, the school is right to say nothing beyond the standard school curriculum is needed and no further prep. In an ideal world, no-one would prep and it would purely be based on innate ability and intelligence and a curriculum taught equally well to all students. And yet, we know that tutoring and prepping is rife and that for lots of schools the level of competition so fierce, that for the vast vast majority of bright but not genius kids, if totally unfamiliarised and competing with those who have been tutored and prepped, they will be at a disadvantage against the competition.
There’s always a tension. On one hand many parents would like the kids to just do the exam and natural ability to win out. However, it feels high stakes to many parents, so they can’t leave it to chance and feel they must do all they can to advantage their child in a harshly competitive system - and what people do just grows every year to madness levels.
The PP whose daughter got a place at Tiffin without prepping and who actually then went to a local comp, clearly isn’t the typical parent applying to the super selective schools. For her, it seems the stakes didn’t feel so high. Perhaps several things came I to play which might not have been typical - maybe the DD being so super intelligent that concerns about being beaten by others just weren’t the concern they are for most? - maybe the fact that they just wanted to have a go and weren’t wholly sold on Tiffin, so didn’t mind too much in a place didn’t appear - indicated by the fact that they didn’t go with Tiffin once it was offered anyway but chose a local Comp?
Every year, large chunks of bright students are entered for Tiffin and other selectives who haven’t been prepped. Sometimes it’s just that selective schools weren’t on the radar of those families until late in the day and they didn’t get round to prepping. For lots, they are told their kid is bright and should ‘have a go’ and so they do that, without a strong desire for a place and therefore no huge disappointment if it doesn’t come off. Most of those entrants don’t get places. They go off perfectly happily to other schools. And then there are the rest of the entrants, who range from having had a bit of familiarisation, to perhaps a few months or year of tutoring or parental inout for an hour a week, to those who have been working for 5 hours a week or more since they were 8 or younger. The levels of desire or obsession with getting a place range from being quite keen, to totally single minded and dedicated. And it’s true that places go to families who have done some prep but didn’t put in the daft hours.
It’s such a hard thing when the 11+ is a one-off opportunity. For some families, the alternative schooling options are good and the stakes over the 11+ not so high. For others, they feel education is the route out of a lifestyle which isn’t favourable and that the alternative schooling options are poor. And people know the numbers applying per place to some of these schools and have that sense that if they want to guarantee the best chance, they really do have to put the time in.
And then there’s balancing that against family life and children being young. For many that’s a real tension. They are willing to ask their kids to do some work each week, but most people don’t want to drive their kids too hard, or create conflict in the home about the work, or build high expectations which might be dashed. It’s hard for people to balance that against the sense of 11+ being a one-off opportunity and the knowledge that lots of prepping does go on. Those who really will plan to the nth degree for years ahead and whose children have never known anything other than a hard schedule of work outside school are no doubt in the minority, but there are sizeable numbers working like that. And where do those who are bright, but have never seen a paper before or thought about the 11+ exam until the week before they take it, sit next to those other children?
For me as a parent, it felt important to hold as lightly as I could to 11+. That wasn’t easy for me, but it was important for my own and children’s sanity. I really wanted it and was prepared to do some work, but at the same time, I knew not getting a place really wouldn’t be the end of the world or opportunities. Sometimes people forget that.