Concerned UK "Co-Ed" Independent Schools are Sexist

I used to work at one of the schools mentioned on this thread. The ratio can vary enormously from year to year anyway, so even if you find a 50:50 school, a particularly yeargroup can be weighted one way or another. Especially for smaller schools, a small change in the makeup of the yeargroup can make a big difference.
check what the ratio of the right yeargroup is as well as the school. we had one year group which at one point had only 4 girls in and really struggled to attract any other girls because why would you?!

on the sporting side, my kids do I think 4-5 hours of sport per week plus another hour of dance and another hour of 'activities' which may be sporty or not - they change each term. And then any matches can be extra on top of that. The team sports are very traditional, hockey, netball, rounders, tennis for girls. Hockey, rugby, cricket for boys. All the independent schools nearby do the same sports at the same times and play matches against each other.
my DS was not keen on sport at all when he first went but has now grown to love it and joined additional sporting clubs outside school as well.

Tbh that was not our experience but maybe it is cultural particularly in schools which were originally boys and went coed in late 20th century to maintain numbers overall. It works both ways though, two former girls schools in our area are now coed but have struggled to gain a truly coed image. Dc school was the result of a merger of a boys and girls school rather than one previous single sex going coed and is perhaps more balanced as a result.

I mean that the team sports - taught and for which matches are played with other schools - are often different for boys and girls. With perhaps a token ‘add on’ of the odd football session for girls or hockey for boys, in addition. I regard that as old fashioned/sexist.

the DC don’t get to choose what they enjoy, participation in the sports for their sex is essentially compulsory.

We decided against private for Dd (now 12) because of the sport - and so the hours - involved in all the schools we liked the look of.

Not because Dd isn’t sporty but because she is. Dd is (as my brother described it the other day) “nationally relevant” at a sport. Unfortunately that sport is not hockey, netball or tennis. If she had gone to the private school we liked then she would have spent many many hours playing hockey / netball / tennis. Which is fine in a world with infinite hours. She likes hockey / netball / tennis. She is sporty - she likes all sport. And she is good at hockey / netball / tennis. But she doesn’t love them. She loves her sport. And if she had spent the hours on hockey / netball / tennis then that would be less time training for her sport.

What about Sherborne Boys and Girls. Single sex education but close enough that the opposite sex isn’t a complete mystery. And term dates align so you can have children in both. Traditionally big on music as well as sport. As others have said sport almost unavoidable in these schools.

Yes, frequent team sports in many independent schools are often compulsory (including after school and weekend matches) and different by sex, as PPs say. Old fashioned to say the least!

Do you mean that regular sports is old fashioned or different by sex? I cannot see in any world how having good sports provision is old fashioned, even those who consider themselves “unsporty” can find something they enjoy. As for different sports by sex - name me one sport that doesn’t differentiate its teams by sex?? All the coed schools round here offer girls football as an extracurricular if not an option, but more frequently now as an option… and cricket is Increasingly becoming the norm. There aren’t many girls who want to play eg rugby, but for those that do again the benefit is that the school can usually add it as a club if they want to as they have the resources.

One of the reasons that there aren’t many outliers is that they all play fixtures against other schools, part of the foundation of the system, and to have other schools to play against they all need to play the same sports.

I totally agree with @TottersBlankly about the benefits. One of my DC was not naturally sporty from a young age but he has absolutely thrived doing sport at private school and developed skills and confidence we would never have expected.

Sure you can't relocate to Sevenoaks?! Co-ed for decades and a 50:50 split. Does now have a male head, but had a (brilliant) female head for nearly 20 years previously. Rest of the senior team is weighted towards women. Team sports are v inclusive (still fun if you're rubbish!), lots of individual sport, running v stong (cross country track on site, path through into a massive deer park where they go to run). V modern and liberal - sounds like that's important to you. Sounds like a great fit. Boarding an option??

We're therefore trying to steer clear of the more sporty schools.

• should have been bolded above!

We're therefore trying to steer clear of the more sporty schools.

Which suggests:

a) that you really haven’t grasped the ethos of English independent education. It’s very much work hard, play hard; and character building / resilience through teamwork and striving for excellence. All of which is practised through vigorous and plentiful competitive sport. Regular physical activity is also considered good for mental health and cognitive function. And makes people attractive. And enhances confidence - which is the thing that’s supposed to underpin independent school pupils’ progression through university interviews, exams, job applications, etc.

and

b) that you will be excluding pretty much all of the most sought after schools from your search. Which would be a pity. I wouldn’t worry about the sporting emphasis - the compulsory element gradually decreases as pupils rise through the school years. But - compared to state schools selling off their playing fields, and discouraging competition through misunderstanding of pedagogy and child psychology - plentiful, well taught sport in spacious (and pretty) surroundings is part of what independent school parents pay for. You need to understand this, or you will pay out a whole load of money and end up confused and dissatisfied.

Yes, frequent team sports in many independent schools are often compulsory (including after school and weekend matches) and different by sex, as PPs say. Old fashioned to say the least!

There are lots of 50/50 independent schools in the south east m, just presumably not in your preferred locations.

KES in Bath year 7 was 50:50 this year. Their aim is to keep it that way I believe so although higher up school ratios are not quite even they will be.

Dauntseys school? Has a 50/50 split and good rep locally
Westonbirt school - recently switched to co-Ed from all girls.

Yes, for sure. I've never had any suspicion that schools are actively selecting boys over girls- the make-up of the school reflects the applicants. There are loads of reasons I can think of why parents might prioritise independent schools for boys more than girls (from "boys are more important" all the way to "girls are brighter and more hardworking, and don't need the extra support") but it's the parents making these choices, not the schools.

Most independent schools (apart from the most prestigious or most academically selective) are struggling for numbers. They're not really turning anyone away!

parents there spend more on their sons' than their daughters' education - perhaps at play here?

I feel like there really isn’t a huge amount of critical thinking going on here….

This bothers me too OP, as I think it's a deliberate choice, but it is changing. There are quite a few 50:50 schools outside London: Sevenoaks, Kings Canterbury, Oakham, Fettes are some of them. One easy way of seeing the split is by looking at the rather silly Tatler Schools Guide online- it gives the breakdown of boy and girl day and boarding pupils for each school featured.

https://www.tatler.com/article/tatler-schools-guide-2021

My other bugbear is schools that offer neither football or rugby for girls!

You should be aware that all self-respecting independent schools place huge emphasis on sport - so your children will be obliged to spend a fair amount of time on it once they move to their new school(s).

Not that it makes any difference to you really, but have you been able to look at stats broken down by day pupils and boarders? Our boarders are predominantly international, and very boy heavy.

FWIW there aren't any boys' schools left round here. The boys' schools have gone mixed, and the girls' schools have stayed single sex.

I came here to say this.

As an engineer OP, you sound very unscientific and less by emotion