Boarding School Help

Ok. I think you need to think practicality-wise.

I went to one of the schools on your list (given how few were co-ed when I was at school you can probably work it out).

Most people in my boarding house could be collected by car in 2-3hrs. Most went home for exeats on public transport. I really think proximity to the school matters - popping in to see a match/ play/ concert is good for your kid.

The only kids who travelled long distances were those whose parents lived abroad.

Right. I was just thinking "Scotland!" 😂

I would have thought that Oundle and Uppingham were fairly second rate, maybe they've got better.

How about Gordonstone?

You do know you’re free to Read The Thread? Or even Just The OP’s Posts?

my dp boarded from 11 and hated it (prestigious all boys)

I imagine your partner isn’t currently 13, motogirl - in which case their historic experience will probably bear very little relation to what boarding school is like now, or how it will be for yr 9s starting in the next few years. (Which is not to say that a happy experience is now guaranteed - obviously not. But considerably more care is taken now to address issues that made boarding unpleasant in the past.)

I’ve never heard of taster weekends at E - can’t speak for the other schools.

But you may have missed the fact that the OP’s son is at a prep that clearly sends lots of children on to Public School. So he will know quite a lot about boarding through observing the process as older children apply, take exams and progress to senior schools. And from hearing of the experiences of his friends older siblings once there. And from hearing the conversation of the adults around him as they navigate applications with their children. It’s very, very different to living in a context where no one else at home or school has any connection to the boarding world.

Just a question for you - does he know what boarding will be like? Can you do a taster weekend or two before the decision needs to be made - one of my DD's boarded at 16, my dp boarded from 11 and hated it (prestigious all boys)

How old is your ds and does he want to board?

There is indeed CCF at Fettes: combinedcadetforce.org.uk/find-a-ccf]]

Given your list of things he's good at/likes, it sounds like DofE and CCF might be right up his alley. Luckily, most boarding schools will offer those and all will offer rugby, cricket and tennis. They may well have several teams too for each age group, so not just an A team, but a B, C and D as well, so you may find he has sporting fixtures most weekends.

trips for you to watch concerts etc difficult.

Oh god yes - I hadn't even thought about sports, concerts, plays, parents' evenings, prize giving, parent socials, etc. You may look at that list now and think 'I'd welcome an excuse not to go', but honestly your DS will want you to be there at least sometimes if he's a keen sportsman, musician or actor and I wouldn't miss my DS's achievements for the world.

Agree with @zafferana. Unless there is something terribly wrong with Fettes, start your search there. Hopefully you will like it and not have to send him to the other end of the country making weekend visits home and trips for you to watch concerts etc difficult.

As an ex-boarder myself, then I suggest finding out what activities etc are on offer at weekends. Nothing worse that being bored at the weekend when you're missing home.

Some good advice,I must admit the list youve been given does seem a bit odd,you say its been "carefully curated" ,if thats so could you say why your Head has said yes to Uppingham and no to Rugby or yes to Oundle but no to Repton..just trying to understand why hes given the thumbs up to the schools he has in the Midlands..
Regarding short leaves,ie weekends at home ,at least one of the schools on your list lets boys leave early if they live some distance from the school..mind you the boys will be scarred for live going there- what with the ridiculous uniform and having to put it on the cv ,but all the ones Ive known have coped somehow..

The issue I would have with this list is a really obvious one - the distance between where you live and the schools (apart from Fettes maybe - are you within reasonable driving distance of Edinburgh?)

DC at boarding school, particularly in the younger years, tend to go home every three weeks, so how is that going to work if you're in Scotland and your DS at school in Berkshire or Hampshire? I went to boarding school from 11-18 and my schools were about 60 miles from home, which was plenty both for me and my parents. I would honestly look for a school based on two main criteria - how it suits your DS and also how convenient it is for you to get him there and back.

(I mean - if you’re able to discern which schools really want your child, it’s less of a lottery.)

Not sure about the applying to multiple schools thing with boarding. (Outside London.)

We applied to the two we wanted and the one we liked best accepted first. Really didn’t consider any others. (Though perhaps the possession of a prep school scholarship helped.)

@AviatorMama Winchester College is a great school for all types of boys but it won't be easy to get a place . Eton won't be easy either if that's your first choice. Super bright boys from our prep didn't get a place at either on their first try but a couple got a waiting list place and one ended up with an offer.

You will need to apply for multiple schools and take it from there. The myth about Winchester or Eton for that matter producing only a certain type is nonsense.

not sure if I've missed this info, but what does he like doing? Sports? Music? Drama? Rowing? Country pursuits? That may help rule a couple of schools in or out??
My fav question to ask a pupil is "what 1 thing would you change about the school, and why?"

People I know who went to Marlborough College are fairly well-rounded.

@AviatorMama Just because everyone else sends their child to board miles away from home, doesn’t mean it’s right for you and your family. It’s ok to break the mould if it doesn’t work for you.

Most of the girls from DDs prep go to day schools, and some of the top North London day schools at that. We turned down a place at one of these top academic schools and more than one mum told me we were mad. I had another mum stop talking to me because “boarding schools are basically a form of child abuse”. It’s very hard to do something different, but ultimately it has to be the best school for your child and family, not just the one with the best name or results. My DC is absolutely thriving at boarding school and it’s the right school for her. Doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone and there are some miserable kids there whose parents really should talk to their children and move them elsewhere.