How should we be preparing our 10yr old state educated primary DD for private secondary at 11yrs?

You should be applying to a host of schools rather than one and your DC should be onboard for all of them. Ensure you motivate your DC that this is a great opportunity.

Prep them for the wealth differences, it will effect them no matter what a parent tells you, it happened to me, state primary to indie senior, I felt like the poor church mouse my entire school career- never told my parents- I still went to a great uni and a great job, but if I'm honest, I always feel like an outsider with old school friends and with people I grew up with from state primary, but the positive is I can mix with a wide range of people.

I think nowadays there's a lot more diversity going private, so theres likely to be a number of 'normal' families from state school making sacrifices or lucky to get a bursary, so your DC will be fine.

Haha, yes, I didn't think you actually meant it the way it sounded.

You're totally right! And actually I didn't mean that as a primary/prep comment (though I realise it sounded like that!). I guess what I meant was that if you're going from a totally non-selective setting to a highly selective setting (whether state or private), then the chances of being top of the class (certainly in multiple subjects) is much lower. Of course, somebody's still got to be top of the class, so it could be OP's daughter.

@cantatata It is actually possible for the cleverest child in a school to come from the state sector!

I agree with the others, having also done this. The sport was the big difference - mine had done far less sport than the prep school kids. It hasn't been a problem, but it's definitely a difference. If it's quite an academically high-flying school, you might want to prepare her for the fact that she won't be top of the tree any more - however bright she was at primary, there will be others who are cleverer than her - and that's fine. Same with things like music - she should still be proud of her grade 3 recorder or whatever, but there will be kids at grade 8 plus on more than one instrument - and again, that's fine. She might also need to understand that there will be others much wealthier than her, depending on your background. Again, it's never been an issue, but being at school with yacht owners (as well as bursary kids) has certainly been an eye opener. But really there's no special preparation in this - as long as your daughter's the type who is comfortable in her own skin, and isn't too liable to judge herself against others, she'll be fine.

I agree about the sport--my daughter was sporty but often overlooked because the staff would automatically choose girls from the nearby prep school for teams, probably because they knew them and their former teachers. My daughter found this very frustrating and it took a while to show the new teachers what she could do. But she was good at athletics and had been to a club for some years, and that's pretty easy for staff to notice.

Music is another thing to encourage. If you play an orchestral/ensemble instrument it's a good way to get to know other people.

We just sent ours. They were both fine.

Is that a thing? Preparing them?

(have assumed it is not boarding - but may be it is! In which case, I can't really answer)

It's a well trodden path and many other kids will be in the same position, so don't think you need to do anything in particular. Having made the same move, the only thing that might be worth thinking about is the sport - prep school kids seem to play a lot, so if your DD is sporty and wants to be on the A teams, she could get involved with a team outside of school, but regardless she will soon catch up

Are you only applying to one school? Is this because you have reason to believe she’ll definitely get in? You don’t have one in reserve, just in case?

And you say ‘public school’ - so, boarding? Because obviously there’s more mental and practical preparation needed when moving from day to boarding.

If boarding, it’s likely to have a more international student body, with a wider range of experiences than she would have encountered before. It will help if she can hold her own in conversation, is her own person, with a couple of things she’s really good at.

If not boarding I don’t think it will be massively different to joining a new state senior school. If you’re disappointed in her current school for academic reasons she may be surprised at a faster pace of work and the expectation of high standards in every lesson. (Though this depends on the individual school!) Really hard to say without knowing more.