How should we be preparing our 10yr old state educated primary DD for private secondary at 11yrs?

One suggestion.

I appreciate you only have one option that you will be able to take up, but think about applying to a second school and use the exam as a mock.

We did this with Emanuel. Had no intention of sending our son there (nothing to do with the school, rather the distance from our house) but it got him used to having to sit a paper and finish on time. It really helped him with his other schools.

Having just done this (state primary to home counties independent), I think it's going to depend on what proportion of the school's year 7 intake come from a state school background. We're at a school with a reasonably large proportion of kids coming from state schools, so they're used to teaching students who aren't from prep school backgrounds. DS was towards the top of the class at primary and seems to be holding his own academically - he's not top of the class, but he's not bottom either, and has discovered an interest in a couple of subjects that he didn't enjoy at primary school, as they're now much better taught. The school have done some rapid recalibration of teaching this year (e.g. in languages), when they realised that a significant proportion of students hadn't covered what they assumed, due to lockdown's impact in the state sector.

There's definitely a lot more sport, though DS is sporty and we're at a school that's known for its sport, so he's happy about that. He did have a wobble with one of the major sports, when it seemed like everyone was better at it to start with, but soon caught up enough to feel he was doing ok. If you know what the school's major sports are, and your DD's never done one of them, this might be a good time to let her try a holiday camp or have a few coaching sessions in it to learn a few basics.

We've not encountered much in the way of snobbery or competition from other parents - they all seem pretty friendly, and freezing to death watching your kids running about a windswept rugby pitch is a great equalizer! In terms of the wealth gap, it probably shows up in things like DH and I both work full-time, whereas some of DS's friends have only one parent who works. Our holiday plans aren't quite as glamorous as some of DS's mates - he's going to a local sports camp this week, while some of his friends are on exotic beach holidays or have gone skiing. However, DS doesn't seem too fussed at the moment. We are planning to put money aside so he can go on a couple of the major school trips that'll be offered when he's a bit older.

The other big difference is quantity of homework. DS has found the transition from the tiny amount he got at primary school to an hour a night at secondary quite a big jump, whereas the kids from prep schools were used to more homework. However, I'm not sure there's really any sensible way you can prepare your child for that! We just made sure DS had decent desk space and a good supply of pens etc. so he can get on with what he needs to do each night.

Do you know intake from prep v state at yr 7. If there's lots from state then it will be less of an issue versus if she's going into class of 19 who have all come from feeder prep.
Once she has her place she may be able to do a taster or transition day. If there are any sports days or concerts etc you can go to I would so she can see how it all works.

IME (state primary to London independent) the real difference was not in the classroom, but PE and proper sport and the other extra curricular stuff like music and drama, and also art. The gap showed hugely there as my dd had had either no teaching or just classroom teacher doing a taster of something like hockey. The prep girls had been to netball camp every holiday, school matches, specialist art and music teachers and sports coaches etc.

Nothing....? My DS in in year 6 and will be starting at an independent school in September for Year 7. He is super excited, has visited for open day and entrance exams and can't wait to start.

Oh, I see. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Both my girls were privately educated (in the north) until the age of 16 when they went to the local state sixth form college, and although there were wealthier families than ours, it didn't make any difference, as far as I could see. (Except for once when one of my girls asked me why we didn't have a swimming pool!)

I've just realized that you are in the north, so the London schools advice isn't relevant.

Even so, I would still be looking at multiple schools.

Good luck with it all.

You will need to prepare yourself too. If you are looking at the London schools, (you may not be, of course) then the competition is fierce. (Two grandchildren have recently gone through the process).

You need to consider more than one school, and visit them on their open days.

Also get together a list of when the deposit should be paid and the dates of the exams.

Actual preparation should be for the English, the maths and the verbal and non verbal reasoning, and, importantly, interview technique.

On the social side, I wouldn't worry about it. There will be children from all kinds of backgrounds and you can't have any influence over that.

[quote MadameFantabulosa]@MayfairW1 my daughter boarded with the DD of one of the Spice Girls. The boarders were all sat down and told this girl was coming who had a very famous mother, but she should be treated the same as everyone else. There was blank incomprehension from most of the kids when they were told who the mother was, as she was largely only famous in U.K. and most of the kids were not British.[/quote]
Haha! This is so true.

A girlfriend whose DS attends a day school in Hampstead knows a boy who has a mega famous grandfather and two boys whose dad is a mega famous ex-footballer and mum is an ex-spice - None of the other boys were particularly impressed , as is usual with these things, it was the parents, most kids are impressed by celebs not old enough to have children at preps never mind senior schools...Tik-Tok celebs most parents haven't even heard of...

@MayfairW1 my daughter boarded with the DD of one of the Spice Girls. The boarders were all sat down and told this girl was coming who had a very famous mother, but she should be treated the same as everyone else. There was blank incomprehension from most of the kids when they were told who the mother was, as she was largely only famous in U.K. and most of the kids were not British.

We live within walking distance of school so I don’t have to reveal my skip of a car to anyone !!

You have a massive advantage - with your daughter (all schools love a girl) and coming from state - adds to the stats 👍

Yes Latin and French is a big jump plus Spanish on the side lines….

Depends what’s the school like - but generally some schools is all about the A team (with that it’s children playing at nationals etc) it’s not children that are good at sports it’s children that are absolutely amazing - all county kids.

Plus I love daddies car day on a Friday - it’s an eye opener haha

Oh and my daughter is skiing now….

The gap is huge even within the independents. There is snobbery and a lot of bitchy stuff goes on plus affairs.

If it’s not a through school I’d strongly consider finding a school that is - however you defo have the advantage of a girl within the private setting. The 11 plus is absolutely evil even if your child is smart enough there isn’t enough places plus the sibling policy.

Might not be too bad up north… compared down south.

Good luck I hope your daughter loves it.

We live in London so it's all very rich and very poor all cheek by jowl. I read through OP responses and it sounds like its a bit more homogenous area.

It's good to talk through all their concerns with the DC though, as any Yr7 is grown up enough to think about these things also.

namethattuenein1
There isn’t always a wealth gap though, it varies from school to school.
We are probably about average for the DCs school, there are a few super rich families but it’s never been an issue.
I suppose if you live in a small flat in a dodgy area and GPs pay fees or the child has a full scholarship there could be a huge gap but it’s genuinely never been an issue for us
It might be because we are in The North though so no Bankers or (previously) Russian Oligarchs

[quote Innocenta]@cantatata It is actually possible for the cleverest child in a school to come from the state sector! [/quote]
Exactly

I don't know why so many posters are saying 'no wealth gap' Prep school parents pay a huge deposit when their child is accepted at private primary, not all, but most, mine was a full terms fees I didn't get back till they left the school. Then of course theres the fees, theres no bursary system or scholarship at this age, a handful offer help at 7+, most don't (Not officially) I won't cover uniform as at least one can get those second hand, but not all, there's school trips, much more than friends had for their DC at state primary.

Of those privately educated DC heading into senior school, are from families that have paid in some examples, (like mine) over 100 grand in fees , how does that compare with state primary families that have had none of those costs?? This is a HUGE sum of money my family has sacrificed for education.

As parents we tend to see what we want to see, rather than pretend there's no difference.

Openly discuss this with your child, OP, the differences in households wealth, how private schools attract wealthier families , by keeping it open rather than doing the British thing of sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is fine, you'll be doing a great thing for your DC.

There will be parents who will judge by your primary school, there will be parents who judge by what you do, your income.

Lucky for the kids, they don't have our hang ups, and your child will be totally accepted by the other kids who may or may not be prep school educated, as I mentioned earlier, its more a thing for the child coming from a more 'normal' background where they haven't been exposed to huge variances in peoples houses and cars, etc.

The fact you are aware of all this, I'm positive your DC will be fine and flourish. There's also a lot more state educated children entering private at 11, its so much more normal now and amongst most parents who did educate their kids at private primary, there's a belief that the indie school selects the best from the state, a healthy respect which is reflected by the school itself, certainly that's what I see.