Year 8 Girl very unhappy - advice please

@Ichangedmynameonce That's a great update OP. Unfortunately the ending is correct. Schools are mass scale and can't afford to take a holistic view of each child. I guess swapping classes would unleash a domino effect they want to avoid. I'm glad it wasn't the case with your DD though. Amazing how one change can make such a difference.

There's no way they can have a rule to not change tutor groups. They have a duty of care and of your daughter is miserable they have to take that into account. Maybe in 10 years they haven't, that doesn't mean they shouldn't. What a strange attitude. I would ask for a policy where it clearly says this and if they still insist, make a company to the governor's.

What happened with your DD now in Year 9? How did you resolve the situation, Ichangedmynameonce? I am asking this because I am in a similar but also slightly different situation. DD is in Year 8 at an independent co-ed school. She is being ignored. Changing form is not an option and changing school would be very tricky. Not impossible, but tricky.

Just a quick thing Op. You said the schools nearby were full. When we needed to move schools and felt we could no longer let her attend her original school our local school was full but in 3 weeks a place had come up and this was year 10 when there is less movement. You may find a place comes up quite quickly in your daughters year. So if you go down the route of moving schools a place may come up quicker than you think. There is no magic bullet for these situations and these years are very difficult for a lot of,children. Our situation has improved with the move, the pastoral care is excellent in the school she is at now.
I worry daily that things will return to the ‘ dark days’ but you do what you can and hope they thrive. Good luck again you are doing a great job

Managed move is when schools themselves initiate swapping their naughtiest kids in the hope a fresh start and new friendship group might help resolve the issues.

I would make a pain of yourself with your target school a friend wanted to move her daughter and was told full then got lucky the head rang her up and said someone was moving they could have the space. Or if full appeal on mental health grounds etc

Managed moves are typically for pupils close to exclusion. The second school agrees to take the pupils but they can bounce back to their original school if issues arise. You don’t want or need this. You just need a standard school move.

gsha a managed move isn’t the same thing as moving via the normal in year transfer process. A managed move does require the school’s cooperation, but it isn’t appropriate in this case.

Also just to say, if things get too bad and you feel you have no option but to move, but no schools have spaces, you can appeal (which may take a few months) but you stand a good chance with all that's been going on. Make sure to keep a paper trail, back up conversation by email etc.

I don’t think you have to get the school to cooperate with a managed move. You are entitled to move your daughter to another school if it has space or to put her on the waiting list for a space at another school if full. I didn’t ask my daughter’s previous school to cooperate with a move I simply informed them I was moving her. This was a state school to state school move and we only got 2 days notice of the space becoming available at the new school and therefore her previous school also only got two days notice of her leaving.

I’ve been thinking about you and your daughter a lot Ichanged.

I think you’re doing all you can. Some schools just don’t budge. Even if you don’t want to move your daughter, put her name down on waiting lists.

If nothing has changed after Easter I’d talk to the school and see if they’re willing to think about a managed move. They may or not, but their reaction would tell you a lot.

I don’t think emotional bullying is confined to single sex schools. By 13 girls and boys tend to be different in what they want from friends and what they talk about to them. Girls see themselves as more mature and won’t be best friends with 6 boys (and that’s assuming the bots want them as a lone girl). She wants female friends and that’s normal for that age. Therefore it makes no difference as to type of school. In fact a big girls’ school provides far more friend opportunities. More girls to choose from.

I think this can be a problem in single sex schools. We have a great one in our area but I have heard girls can have a tough time there, We moved our daughter when she was in year 10, albeit for another reason than friendships, and I was very worried about moving schools, but it was the right move and she settled in ok. So if she is very unhappy it is worth a try and maybe very beneficial. Also as this can really affect a child’s self esteem do anything you can in the foreseeable to build this. We were told by a counsellor to praise daily- not gushing ‘ oh you are so wonderful’ type of praise but incidental praise - such as ‘ thanks for bringing the plates in’, ‘ thanks for saying that to your sister’ type thing- casual but regular.
Good luck to you and your daughter I really hope it works itself out.

What a nightmare. OP, I was in your dd’s position. I was MISERABLE. My DM didn’t want me to move from the academic all-girls school (and didn’t do anything about speaking to the school). I moved after year 11 after insisting and my life changed over night. I had a series of mental health issues and honestly my life re-started when I got out of that school. I wonder if the seating plan change is enough or if a fresh start in a new school would be better (I know you say they are full, is there any way round that?).

@Stopsnowing

yes absolutely push for her form change done many times at my daughter school I would think they would or should be quite open to that

I looked at the Behaviour/Bullying policy at a school near me. This intransigence about not moving classes intrigued me. This school has a resolution process where DC are talked to and modified behaviour is expected. The results of the agreed behaviour changes are monitored. So the staff check on both bullied DC and the ones who are ostracising. What is happening to your DD is bullying by this school’s definition. It’s systematic emotional abuse and is occurring over a prolonged period of time. At this school, crucially, if the resolution methods don’t work, they will move DC to another class.

I would be confident other schools in this area have similar policies. I think your SLT should be called out and they are definitely not dealing with bullying.

As I said before, you cannot make DC be friends with each other but the school needs to be more proactive regarding a resolution. Are they monitoring the outcome of talks to pupils? What do they think success looks like? How will they know the bullying has stopped? What does their bullying policy say regarding how they resolve such issues and are they following it?

Agree with TizerorFizz. Start looking to move; the complaints procedure will probably take ages (it should have a timescale on it/the policy). Also consider commenting on Ofsted's ParentView.

Well done for doing such great advocacy for your dd. You’re a great mum.

Personally I would move schools if there are any at all decent options. We actually moved our dd as she just didn’t fit it with the girls at her old school and she is soooo much happier at her new school. But it depends what’s available obviously.

The teacher saying they hadn’t moved anyone in ten years is a bit red flaggy maybe. Every school has bullying sometimes, so if the school don’t move kids around what do they do? Anyway look seriously at other schools and remember the school is not in charge of your daughter’s education, you are. If you decide for example that she needs a period of home education for her wellbeing, followed by a different school, that might be an option.

My dd was desperately lonely and seriously depressed in year 7. Lockdown was a blessing for her as she didn’t have to go to school. Things improved a bit in year 8 but now in year 9 she has fallen out with the few friends she has and has resigned herself to having no friends at school. She says she has people to talk to but no friends. I wish I had moved her earlier but now I don’t want to disrupt GCSEs.

@PacificOcean
The OP would have to consider complaining about the school not resolving her DD being bullied by other pupils not talking to her. This is difficult to prove but if there is evidence and the school doesn’t take steps to resolve the issue in line with their policies, then that’s the basis of a complaint. You are unlikely to win a complaint about an action you have requested. This is why the op should read the bullying/behaviour policy and base any complaint on non resolution of bullying. Who on earth would want to stay in such a school afterwards though?