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Original poster

Grammar place - friends a bit hissy

33 replies

EyeBallisticSquid · 02/03/2022 10:09

DD's been offered a place at a super-selective grammar. Because she has autism, I put my politics and principles to one side, and went for the place that I felt would give her the best chance of coping, and of finding a like-minded social tribe - it has a disproportionate number of of kids with HF-ASC. Only one of my friends has congratulated her and we've had some snidey/hissy comments. I'm taken aback and wondering if this is common? I'll dust myself off and perk up tomorrow, obvs - but today I feel a bit low. Meh. Any wise words?

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 02/03/2022 10:52

Well done to your daughter, I hope she thrives there.
Unfortunately there will always be someone who won’t be pleased for you, just ignore!

Original poster
EyeBallisticSquid · 02/03/2022 10:49

Yes, I did keep it secret because I'm a wimp and was worried they'd disapprove and talk about it in front of their kids, who might then say something negative to DD. And DD does NOT have the social skills to cope with that!

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Original poster
EyeBallisticSquid · 02/03/2022 10:47

Gosh, no, LetItGo - I always keep schtum about education and politics! They don't, however, and are always very vocal about how much they despise the elitism and unfairness of the education system, having safely stashed their kids in outstanding primary schools, obvs! x

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Original poster
EyeBallisticSquid · 02/03/2022 10:46

Sorry I irritated you, Vicky. That makes me sad. I see your point entirely. The 'grammar' bit was irrelevant to us; we were simply hunting for the place with the most kids with ASD and that happened to be it. I never discuss politics/education with friends IRL!

BangingOn and Dreading - thanks for your lovely comments. Really. You are lovely. Primary has been very tough for DD - I've never mentioned this to my friends, didn't want to be a moaner - and we're keeping everything crossed that this will be her time. I'm just sad that over the years I've been so incredibly supportive of all their children, and hoped that for once, my DD might get some good wishes too. My friends have always struggled with how academic DD is but perhaps don't realise what an incredibly heavy price we all pay for it, and how courageous she is every single day, trying to fit into a NT world. Hey ho.

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LetItGoToRuin · 02/03/2022 10:45

My DD got into a super-selective grammar, and we've experienced similar positive reactions to other parents whose children have got into the school of their choice. For DD's classmates and our other friends, their schools of choice are mostly state schools, a couple into grammars, and a couple into private schools.

You say, 'I put my politics and principles to one side.' Have you previously talked to these friends in a negative way about grammar schools? Are those friends known to be anti-grammar? Did you keep your DD's application to grammar a secret?

Yicky · 02/03/2022 10:37

It maybe isn't your DD going to grammar school that has irritated your friends. My DC are at a very good grammar school and I am irritated by your post. If you go around saying things like 'I put my politics and principles to one side' to your friends I can understand their attitude. You don't agree with grammar schools for children in general apart from when it suits your own child. You can denounce grammar schools whilst needing and using them.

dreadingthetime · 02/03/2022 10:31

Congratulation!! Ignore all those negative comments. Some will be jealous. Enjoy this moment OP. You are doing what is best for your DC.

BangingOn · 02/03/2022 10:28

Congratulations on your daughter being offered a grammar place, it sounds like a great fit for her.

I’m sorry you’ve had negative reactions from people, although sadly I don’t think it’s unusual. I think that some people feel very insecure when those around them make different schooling choices and feel they have to defend the choices they have made by criticising yours IYSWIM.

You have chosen the best school for your DD and she has a place, which is fantastic. Clearly you’re not judging anyone else for schools they may or may not have applied for or been offered a place at, so be proud of your DD and don’t feel you have to justify yourself to anyone.

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