Grammar place - friends a bit hissy

You sound like you really don’t like any of these people-your comments about them are fairly loaded.

You also seemingly didn’t tell them that DD was no planning to take the 11+/had done it/had put the grammar first on the list? They were probably surprised that you have apparently very deliberately kept this quiet!

Are you actually even friends with them?!

This certainly isn’t how I behave with my friends who were very happy for us when my children passed the 11+.

Hi, you did right by your daughter, that's the key thing.

I did similar with my autistic son and he is thriving. I have to say, I didn't really care what other parents thought! Though I never kept it a secret.

Just ignore them and be grateful your DD has a spot in what will hopefully be a good fit for her.

OP - congratulations on your daughter's school place.

I agree with some of the posters above who found your initial post irritating. You say you've put your politics and principles aside to do what's best for your child. Should the rest of us not so what's best for our children? Should we ban selective schools, except where they suit your child? Shouldn't all children have the chance to attend one if they pass the tests? Shouldn't your politics and principles align with what's best for your child?

Congratulations. Sorry I'm late and have missed you.

Advice: Ignore your 'friends'.

My autistic dd did very well at a selective independent school and is still reaping the benefits as she approaches her forties.

Congratulations to you and your dd.

Ignore these 'friends' there are so many jealous misery guts out there, don't waste your time with them. No-one is entitled to anything, your dd gut the place by being exceptionally smart, hard working and focused.

If you were already being pitied by your 'friends' because you autistic dd has her unique challenges, I can understand why you kept your grammar school application private, it's nobody's business and would have made you feel exposed and not empowered. By the looks of things they would have probably discouraged you or your dd so it was best kept close to your chest, well done!

I have a friend whose lovely boy managed to pass the 11+ a couple of years ago and one of my friend's neighbours has been bitching and gossiping about her and her ds ever since just because the neighbour's own ds didn't manage to pass it. Some people have very small minds.

Just be very positive about everyone else's choice of school and you'll see which friends remain with you and your dd in the next few months. Onwards and up.

Honestly just ignore it.

There's always someone to put a downer on things. The only people you need to worry about in this is your family.

Just don't talk about it. To anyone. They will either be attempting to " gather evidence " you should not have the place over them, or trying to make themselves feel better about their result by making you miserable about hours.

You won't see them again a few weeks from now. Many who busted a gut to get their kids in somewhere will often end up regretting it once they see the next 4 years of bus pass expenses or traffic jams looming.ahead.

Its sadly just how it is.

Be happy for your dd. Look.firward to her starting etc

I'm really pleased that you are confident your daughter will be attending the right school for her. But your wording that The idea that we got something they probably can't get, despite being loaded? They're probably used to seeing us as a bit of a pity case, and weren't expecting my DD to ever strike gold is an odd way to talk about people you describe in the subject as your friends. For what it's worth, my DD got a place at an all-girls selective grammar school a few years ago and we opted for the co-ed comprehensive instead and - 4 yrs on - I feel we struck gold with our choice. Be happy with your choice for your daughter but why would you disparage the choices others are making for their children by suggesting you think everyone is envying you?

Congratulations to your DD. It’s great news that she has a place at a school which will hopefully be a good fit for her. Hold your head up high and ignore any negativity - school places and school decisions really do bring out the worst in people.

But I will admit to having my teeth set on edge about the ‘putting my politics and principles to one side’ stuff. Own your decision, you don’t need to justify it to anyone. And basically when you mean politics and principles you mean related to other people’s children. Not your own. Because when the chips are down, you have gone with the best decision for your child. As most of us would.

Don't talk about schools, politics or religion.

Our Y6 parent chat last night was all 'congratulations to all the kids', no one actually mentioned the schools they have been allocated. meanwhile on the kids y6 chat they all knew within seconds. I'm very luck that our year group has never been one to compare reading levels, whatever table they were on, what level they are working at.

It’s great news for your daughter and family, hopefully she will thrive there. The other parents are just jealous, it’s that simple. Real friends would be happy for you. You haven’t done anything wrong on the contrary you are being a good parent and doing the best you can for your DD. Hold your head up and enjoy the good news.

I would be a bit pissy with you. Not because of your daughter securing a place. But if you were my friend I would expect a degree of honesty from you in life. When school decision had come up - which I'm sure they did over the years - you never mentioned that you were entering her into the 11+, you never mentioned she passed the 11+, and you never told them your preferred school. So basically over the last 2 years you have kept a lot secret. (Absolutely your choice) - It would make me realise you weren't actually a very good friend of mine at all. And that's why you might be getting a pissy reaction.

Kids going to secondary school is one of those times when you find out who your friends really are. So many people with so many different attitudes to schooling, and children, and success, that can be hidden away quite nicely up to this point!

Congrats to your DD. Having a daughter with probable ASD myself I know your priority will be her ability to cope with school with her MH intact followed by not having her potential squashed for the same reasons!

School places really brings out the worst in people! Congratulations, sounds like a good fit for you.

I live in a grammar area and both my girls got places. It’s a really unpleasant few days in year 6 and it’s really important to be really positive and congratulatory about other people’s non grammar choices.

It makes parents feel insecure/ uncomfortable and given that you (we) got what we wanted it’s important to make the effort to make others feel good.

The emotions will settle down in a few days.

I have a DD at grammar too and it's a divisive issue but mostly only during years 6/7 after that, it seems to melt away as kids settle into school and find new friends.
My DD has declined an ASD assessment, but has sufficient indicators for a therapist to suggest it. Her school is pretty good at supporting students needs, be they diagnosed or not. They have quiet rooms and allow where needed students to leave classes early to get to the next one without having to deal with the scrum between lessons otherwise, several students wear noise cancelling headphones.
Our local comp is a good school but I think this was the right choice for my DD. Overwhelm is an ongoing issue though.