If you went from state primary to private secondary….

Totally a non issue for me. Barely anyone else went private from our state primary. I said where my DC were going if asked, people were nice about it (to my face anyway), and my mum friends who I wanted to keep in touch with are still my friends and we still compare notes on school from time to time.

From my experiences, it helps if you can make out the reason you’re sending them is partly convenience ( easier with commute/after school activities etc). Then when they’re at the private school don’t go on and on about what amazing things they do, how they have been trained to be elite sportsmen and concert levels musicians. If you can be a bit sensitive to the fact the other kids aren’t in a situation to go private it will make things a lot smoother.

Total overthink, just say XXX is going to YYY school and that's it. Primary friendships usually fade out anyway so you probably won't see much of them

In my experience, it is best to avoid getting into these conversations - a simple this is the school they are going to will do. No good can ever come from answering the question 'why?' - it's impossible to answer it without saying something that contradicts the choice the person asking it has made. There is no right or wrong choice - it's very personal and (if you are lucky enough to have a choice) you choose what is best for your family/circumstances at the time.

Don’t mention secondary school unless specifically asked. Even then, be as brief as possible and change the subject or turn it back to the asker’s child. Don’t mention the new school on social media.

If someone presses, it’s tricky to say why you’ve chosen it without sounding a) like the local school isn’t good enough for your PFB or b) (assuming it’s selective) like you’re boasting about your DC’s abilities. So best to say the absolute minimum.

I think this is why the private school chats on MN get so intense - most people feel socially unable to talk about it except anonymously.

Gosh, I suspect you’re slightly naive to think these friendships will remain.

You don't have to turn it into a big thing. When the time comes to visit secondary schools, you tell them that they're going to the school you've chosen, and bring them to their open days and settling in days instead of the local state school.

When they ask why, you say it's because that's the school Mummy and Daddy have chosen. "Why can't I go to the same school as my friends?" Because Mummy and Daddy thought about it really carefully and learned everything we could, and we know you're going to be really happy at the school we've chosen because of their [insert thing your child loves], and you'll have twice as many friends! All your primary school friends AND your new friends at school!

The school itself should be doing most of the heavy lifting by having amazing open days etc.

If other parents ask, you just say that you really like that school and that's where you've chosen to send your child. The more you explain, the more you're likely to dig yourself into a hole.

We've been through this twice, and there's always a handful of kids going to private school in the end. Just don't bang on about it, because as this thread has alread shown, the chips on shoulders do emerge! You don't have to apologise or explain your choices to other parents.

We just said that we were sending DC to x school. Left it as that. Generally people are really positive about it. One person wasn’t but I expected that. She has a large family and we don’t. She has expensive holidays and we don’t…etc. She has a chip on her shoulder because all her friends DC go private. She’s known from preschool times that we were going private in secondary so it shouldn’t have been a surprise.

I'd say it's none of their business and if they decide to judge you on the basis of your choice of schooling for your children, then they aren't friends worth having.

Money isn't evil or good or bad. Money is just units of energy if you like, that can be traded for a vast array of services and goods. We live in a free market economy where education can be bought if you so choose.

People will always have an opinion and judge you, no matter what you do, in all aspects of life. I have a friend how has been very judgey about us deciding to go private after state.

I've been dropped on account of it. But that's OK.

She owns a property in the same street as where she lives and they rent it out and go on very naice holidays. They could spend that money on private school fees. We don't go on very naice hoildays...

I don't judge her for her nice holidays yet she thinks she's entitled to judge me because I choose to buy education.

And as it happens she has two very bright kids so they'll do very well anywhere. Whereas my genetic offspring were not so blessed.

It's so easy to judge when life gave you easy, bright, sociable kids with no special needs...

It's quite difficult to do this without it coming across as 'the schools you are sending your children to aren't good enough for my child'.

But it's not really anyone else's business what you choose to do or how you spend your money so you just have to not care what others think.

Can you not just say "we are going to send them to whichever school" and leave it at that? If people ask why and you don't want to say it's better or whatever your reasons are then how about, it's closer to home, has better wrap around care, they have a good friend there, more extra curricular activities, or your child has an interest in drama/sport whatever which is catered for at private school?

We had all discussed the various options for secondary school at length.

My ds is one of those dcs with a good brain but slow to put his hand up, so easily overlooked. I knew that if he went to the local comp he would be in the 'doing ok' middle and get no attention, which was why I sent him to a small quietly academic independent.

Plenty of the other parents were more affluent, but wanted a local school/all their friends/multiple holidays each year. It was their preference in a lot of cases. No-one said I was stuck up, but it wouldn't have made any difference if they had.

You just say 'Oliver/Harry/Amelia/Esme/whatever, you're not going to pleb school with Jonathan and Darren from primary, because we can afford for you to be more successful than them'