Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Private to state

36 replies

User199714 · 19/02/2022 00:54

I have name changed for this as I don’t want it linked to other threads.

I am currently in the devastating position of having to move my children from private school to state school as I can no longer afford the fees. I have exhausted all options and this is my only option. I am absolutely broken by this, it is going to destroy the DC and probably irreparably damage our relationship as they will never trust me again. DS is year 7, I think he will be ok, he loves his school but he is still friends with all his primary friends who go to the local state snd I know he is envious of the free time they have (he is out 7 til 7 most days). It’s DD I m most worried about. She’s halfway through year 9 and loves her school, her friends her whole life is around her social group, she doesn’t talk to anyone from primary and doesn’t do any out of school activities.

Has anyone had to do this? Did it work out ok? How did you tell them?

There are no bursaries or hardship funds available, no family that can help, I have no savings and am not able to take a loan. I work 14 hour days Monday to Friday and also do some hours Saturday and Sunday so I can’t take on extra work. I just wanted to clarify there are no other solutions, I just want someone to reassure me it will all be ok as I am utterly destroyed by how badly I have failed them to the point where they would probably be better off if I just disappeared.

OP posts:
Mum201014 · 19/02/2022 08:26

You’ve been their role model. You sacrifice so much for them, they understand and will want to do the same to you.

Ibizan · 19/02/2022 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whattodo2019 · 19/02/2022 08:09

It's very hard and i'm so sorry. Please just be 100% honest with the children. It's the only way they will cope
Do you know anyone at the state schools? can you help the kids with friendship groups.

StrongerOrWeaker · 19/02/2022 07:59

It's good to experience change, make new friendships, meet people from other social circles. It will be a great opportunity!
( I moved schools three times and it was completely fine)

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 19/02/2022 07:52

Agree with others - your attitude is key. If they see you rending garments over it, of course they’ll be upset. I don’t mean to minimise the magnitude of the change for your daughter but she’ll be fine!

AlabamaWorleyyy · 19/02/2022 07:46

Not quite the same but my DS went from private prep to state secondary and it was more than fine. He’s made lovely friends and I’m very happy with the teaching, sport etc.

I understand you are upset about moving happy children but you need a little bit of perspective - this really isn’t the end of the world! Also remember that until now your children have been in a position of massive financial privilege - so be grateful for that rather than dwelling on the fact they’ll now be more like the rest of the country!

PurBal · 19/02/2022 07:37

I know loads of people that did this. There are many reasons children move school. It’s the same as any other school move.

Hercisback · 19/02/2022 07:13

Could you afford to move just him?

Present it as matte of fact. I can't afford it anymore, so you'll be moving school. Make it clear you'll discuss any concerns/worries and will help, however there is not another option.

urbanbuddha · 19/02/2022 03:44

I agree with MrsTP. Nobody's dead. It's not a disaster. Explain the circumstances clearly - your daughter is old enough to understand the financial situation. Explain it without drama and don't present it as a tragedy. I agree that you should look at spending less time working if that is possible so you have more family time. Presumably not spending on fees will free up some money for more fun activities. At least this didn't happen in year 10 which would have made GCSEs so much more difficult.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2022 03:22

You can treat it like it's a dreadful torture. Or you can see it as building resilience, tolerance and flexibility in you and your children.

Done right, they will be able to fit in anywhere. Which is an incredible skill. But you have to model it. Stop behaving as if a free, decent education is a curse. And I'd think about looking at the budget and cutting hours and spending time with them while they're still around.

alwaystakethetrip · 19/02/2022 03:07

I think you will find that they will cope and that they will understand - they will be upset, but they will always know that you tried to do your best for them - hopefully they will take it in their stride. Hope it all works out ok