Why don't private school parents decide preferences in advance?

@TeenPlusCat , yes you only know about the scholarship when the letter arrives. For some schools there is an indication at interview level but you don't know the success or % of scholarship until the post arrives.

The whole process is full of variables but what is striking year after year is that the top % of dc get offers from all their schools and many scholarships too and some of them end up rejecting all the offers and going to a grammar school - this movement occurs in early March. This is why all the schools over offer so much and why turning down an offer doesn't translate into a WL place being offered. Also turning down a scholarship doesn't mean someone else gets it next year, scholarships are also over offered.

Apart from not wanting to set your heart on a favourite and be disappointed (with the need to hide that from your DC), there’s also a lot of variables. Perhaps your DC has an awful experience at one exam and decides they dislike that school, or they get offered a really substantial scholarship that you weren’t expecting (you can’t apply for academic scholarships, they’re just awarded), or they get a music scholarship at what was your second choice school but not at your first choice one, or there is some scandal at one of the schools or your DC ends up on several waiting lists some of which are more likely to move than others. All those can change the order of preference and the decision.

Having said that, I’m pretty sure of our decision, but am letting dd have half term as time to get her head around it, look at websites, go to taster days etc. she needs to be bought in to it.

All offers are not equal though. It's not quite the same as choosing a state school. I remember with DS2 getting an offer from both schools he sat for and the more expensive one offered a scholarship that made it cheaper than our preferred school (only slightly more preferred than the other though). With DD our very much preferred school offered her a place and we immediately pulled her from other exams. So, very different scenario.

So, you can have a preference but there can be other things that influence the final decision. Plus it's a big financial commitment, unlike state schools.

Looking at the school, facilities and "feel" is the same as choosing the right state school but there are other factors and risks attached.

It's utter nonsense to make out that "indie parents" are indecisive. MN is full of "state school parents" asking what preference order to put their chosen schools are so it's just the same but at a different time.

Because they can't get their (or their dc's) hopes up in advance. You never know which schools will offer a place. You can only start to decide which to choose if you get more than one offer.
My experience is with elite dance schools, but I'm sure that the same applies to all private schools, especially if you are looking for a sporting scholarship or similar.

Because you don't know in advance which school they will get into so you very carefully make sure there isn't a favourite everyone set their heart on.

It's just nice to be able to talk openly with people, irl you can't be as honest (about money or children's abilities)

Schools were shut for tours for the past two years, so anyone in Y6 now would have missed all school visits in Y4, Y5 and most of Y6.

Some may value parents' personal experience over what you see on a typical Open Day/Assessment Day which is heavy marketing these days.

Sometimes the choices are not obvious if you don't get your top priority schools.

Most would but experience during the assessment process and reputation may come to bear during the waiting period.