'Please indicate what sacrifices you have made or will be making in order to contribute towards school fees.'

Thank you everyone. There are some really interesting comments here which have been food-for-thought.

We have not been asked for any kind of breakdown of our outgoings so we have decided not to make a big thing about the charitable giving. We will obviously be open about it if they ask, but I doubt they will even notice it as an extra expense on our part as I think the amount we give to charity is probably about equal to the amount we would spend on clothes/haircuts/normal spending if we were to choose to live less frugally.

The school also makes quite a big thing about instilling compassion within their pupils, giving them a sense of social responsibility and generosity etc ...so I reckon they wouldn't look too harshly on charitable giving as a sacrificial expense. I dunno, maybe I'm kidding myself there!

I don’t know what they’re expecting of you in the answer but this would put me right off.. if your child is bright & has a lot to offer the school community; I think it’s a bit outrageous of them to have really high demands about ‘sacrifices’..! I would be put off by this as it implies a shit culture & sounds like you aren’t deserving enough of the place. Agree you shouldn’t be giving to charity then asking for charity in return… there must be a middle ground between terrible state school & this?? X

I agree that what you describe is how (suitably paraphrased!) you answer this question; think in terms of answering "why there isn't anything else we can do to release anything more for fees".

You do sound like good bursary candidates and I hope it works out for your daughter. From our experience some level of charitable giving hasn't been an issue, if the bursar is concerned then there will be a conversation to be had and hopefully a mutually acceptable conclusion.

In terms of housing equity, the attitude of school bursars to this varies depending on the size of their bursary pot and the policies they are able to apply to how they prioritise its distribution. One school we applied to, the company doing the home visits told me we wouldn't qualify for anything due to the value of our house, that school applied an absolute cap (which was fairly unrealistic in our non-London expensive bit of the SE), despite this company trying to suggest otherwise. But that school was more limited than older public schools in the size of their pot. You sound like you would have had a good chance for a large bursary there.

We have had two children on boarding school bursaries. One school was able to offer us more than the other while we had two at school; the total has been manageable but only just. We do have a substantial amount of equity in our house but it is reasonably valued for where we live, and I doubt we would have been eligible for an increased mortgage. We have explained that on our forms and never been pressured to release more or downsize.

The question was also asked, but very sensitively, why I appeared to have a professional qualification that I wasn't using for income. (long story including a period of poor mental health) I understand that these schools do expect both parents to be doing what they can to increase household income, within reason.

It is very interesting seeing how these forms are worded. Most are extremely thorough and certainly some of the lines of question indicate that parents with greater means have had interesting approaches to trying to get support in the past!

If you still want to go for it, tell them what you said here. You will continue to go without family holidays and maintain one car. If there’s nothing that can be done to increase your income then you can choose whether or not to tell them that.

How much do you want the place?

A goat

@Placido I don't feel deprived; I was expressing empathy with another poster.

I sold our Florida beach house on the private island.
Admittedly that was for Uni costs, but similar in principle.

@puffyisgood
Dahling I wish you had told us, you could have come to Verbs with us, although it would have been a bit tight as only 15 bedrooms and I only managed to get two Italian au pairs to come with this year and they won't work nearly as hard as the Romanian ones, so we actually had to ski with our children which was a complete bummer. Honestly though, everyone was there.

@TwigTheWonderKid
I was being a mite ironic I confess.

@SE13Mummy I wouldn't feel too deprived if I was you, it is a TINY proportion of the nation's children that get bursaries. 7% of children go to private school so how many bursary children are there in reality?
As a middle class, involved, educated, affluent parent (you might not feel affluent, but believe me you are richer than you can imagine to the vast majority of the population) your DC are going to be just fine so I would hop off the pity pot pretty quick if I was you.

Last year we went ski-ing in Slovenia, instead of our usual favourite Chamonix Mt Blanc.

Never again, though, some things are just too important.

If things are so tight I not sure Private is a viable option for you.
DD had a 25% scholarship but we could have sent her even without it and while uniforms dont always cost the earth and you dont have to do the expensive gifts it sounds like unless you have a 100% bursary or scholarship it will be too much for you.
And I agree that it’s unreasonable to expect help from the school if you are paying a large amount to charity. It’s an outgoing, just because it’s more “worthy” than an expensive hobby it is still voluntary.

It's the same story for lots of things whether that's the London music fund, elite sport programmes or schemes for children gifted in particular academic subjects; those from low income families will be funded to take part and those with high incomes can afford to pay (or are at independent schools and so already have the network and opportunities via that). Those in the middle aren't eligible to apply for the schemes aimed at low income families but also can't access the things offered to the high income families because they are school-based. It's absolutely right that those from low income families are given funded opportunities but it can feel hard to know that your own child is excluded from anything similar because their parents' income is at neither extreme.

@Magistera I would imagine bursaries should be for those whose parents didn’t have opportunities themselves. But round here it is privately educated parents who know about the bursaries and know how to ‘manage’ their finances to appear eligible. Bit icky. We are rural, might be different in the cities?

Those with significant amounts of equity in their home are expected to release it to cover fees
Wow, that is not realistic at all! We have a mortgage that will be paid off by age 70, if we release equity it won’t get paid off and then we won’t be able to survive in retirement. Are they expecting you to sell your house and move into rented to afford fees? It sounds like bursaries are only for the super-poor, not for people like myself and OP who are scraping by financially but can’t afford school.

I would give your contribution to the school - it is a charity after all?

I believe it is gross income that will be looked at so the charitable giving will almost certainly be considered to be an expense you could choose to reduce. In any case, to give £X to charity but to then receive £Y from a different charity rather undermines the giving doesn't it?

Lots of independent school websites are very clear about the sort of things that will be looked at for bursary applicants e.g. equity and council tax band of home and whether or not the earning potential of adults in the home has been maximised. Families with a gross income of less than £30,000 and minimal financial assets tend to be the ones that qualify for the maximum bursaries.

Those with significant amounts of equity in their home are expected to release it to cover fees and if that's not possible, may be directed towards a deferred payment plan e.g. EdAid - when we tentatively looked into DC2 attending a specialist school, this is where we ended up. DH and I are teachers, we bought our home in London twenty years ago and our wages had been frozen for about ten of those. Our earning capacity was already maximised and we had significant amounts of equity in our home but couldn't release it to pay fees because our salaries weren't going to increase any time soon. We couldn't guarantee that things would be any different in the future so we didn't let DC2 apply for the specialist school and they're at the local comprehensive.

Not true re charitable giving. We give to charity (also Christians) and had a means-tested bursary at one point.

[quote Yummypumpkin]@purpleneon most bursaries include uniform, UK trips and one foreign trip in the duration of the bursary. I'm not sure how many people you know who've had one but I know dozens and suggest you don't speak of hidden costs when you can clearly go online and see clearly in writing that most bursaries avoid them. Believe it or not they are actually designed by intelligent people who are very aware of the barriers faced and who wouldn't do something idiotic like inpoverish or stress a family by demanding extra costs.

Many full fee paying parents drive old cars, never holiday abroad and work regular jobs. The difference is they've had an inheritance, or grandparents chip in...So this mythical lifestyle is not the full story.[/quote]
Thanks for flagging this - very interesting.

My old school gave a £500 uniform grant and covered travel during term time, but didn't cover other little extras and various "optional" costs.

Is the question double edged? I.e. are they assessing whether you are 'worthy' of the bursary, but also whether you'll be able to pay the bits not covered by the bursary?

@purpleneon most bursaries include uniform, UK trips and one foreign trip in the duration of the bursary. I'm not sure how many people you know who've had one but I know dozens and suggest you don't speak of hidden costs when you can clearly go online and see clearly in writing that most bursaries avoid them. Believe it or not they are actually designed by intelligent people who are very aware of the barriers faced and who wouldn't do something idiotic like inpoverish or stress a family by demanding extra costs.

Many full fee paying parents drive old cars, never holiday abroad and work regular jobs. The difference is they've had an inheritance, or grandparents chip in...So this mythical lifestyle is not the full story.

Equity in your property - they may expect you to max out your mortgage. I agree that if you are giving away a high proportion of your disposable income then they may consider that you could in fact make a higher contribution to fees. There may be other applicants that do not have that disposable income to give away who may be considered better deserving

Why can’t you give to the private school in terms of add on to the fees you’re expected to pay as your charitable giving?