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Original poster

DD has got a detention for using racist language

294 replies

SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 09:38

My DD who is 11and in year 7 has been in trouble at school for using racist language. She is serving a 60min detention after school today.

She has used a racist word that she probably didn't know had racial connotations, but pretty abhorrent. The other child had called her a midget during an argument (she is small in stature, only turned 11 in Aug) and she retaliated by saying a word which related to an animal considered very offensive to this boy's heritage.

The school hasn't communicated with us, just a notification from class charts, saying that she has been given a detention and a brief statement about what it's for. There has been other incidences with this boy too verging on the bullying and I fully support the school in giving her a detention.

It wasn't just her, these incidences involved her best friend too.

My question is, do I contact the school regarding this? Or just let them deal with this? I hate to see her labelled like this so early into high school and it makes me so sad. She thoroughly deserves to be punished for the bullying behaviour, but I don't think she meant to be racist.
She hadn't even had a time out in primary school and always had very positive reports with regards to behaviour, so this is very untypical of her. She is normally a very quiet well behaved child. And now the school must think she is a troublemaker.

Do I let this be or try and explain the situation to school?

Thanks

OP posts:
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 18/11/2021 11:37

He used disablist language...... She used racist language. At 11 neither will have grasped the full connotations.
It's right she's been punished, she needs to learn that sort of language isnt ok. But I hope he's been dealt with too, it's all well and good people on this board being dismissive of the term ' midget' but members of that particular disability community would say otherwise. It's an extremely offensive term.

PinkWednesdays · 18/11/2021 11:37

@MissyB1 It was pretty obvious from the way OP described it it was monkey….and she has since confirmed.

Original poster
SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 11:35

I will email the head of year 7 regarding this who is the person she is having a detention with today. To emphaise that we are disappointed with her and we fully support the school in the action taken.

OP posts:
Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 18/11/2021 11:34

@Dontfuckingsaycheese

This is a genuine question and I’m sorry for being so uninformed- when did it actually become racist to call someone a monkey? I feel ridiculously old and out of touch here but in my day we said things like ‘cheeky monkey’. I might even have said it recently. I will try to ensure I don’t. But - when did it take on racist connotations?
Literally for over a hundred years.

'Look at those fucking monkeys.'

'They act like monkeys.'

'What do you know you're just a black monkey.'

That's when it takes on racist connotation. My husband is mixed race - Black Caribbean and White and he's had it his ENTIRE life. As has MIL who is also Black. As has his granddad who came over from Jamaica in the 40's.

Calling someone a cheeky monkey is very different.

The term 'monkey' is usually a reflection not just of brown skin but of black facial features, ie bigger lips, smaller nose and can be regarded more ape like.

Calling someone who is a POC a monkey is an essential slur saying they are less than human.

godmum56 · 18/11/2021 11:34

@Beefcurtains79

Midget is disabilist though isn’t it? Both are unacceptable.
yes I was going to point this out too....why detention for one child and not the other?
Original poster
SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 11:33

Tbh Op, I don’t think that you are coming across well.
I would be ashamed and furious if my child behaved in the way that your dd has.

I am ashamed and furious that she has behaved in this way and my heart goes out to the boy. We know the boy in question, I'm friends with his mum. DH took her over to apologise to the boy in front of his parents and to assure them that this won't happen again. I have apologised several times to his mum.

We live in a very diverse community, her school is half non-white and her primary school was 90% non-white and our family is mix-raced. So for her to be racist or considered racist beggars belief and I'm thoroughly disappointed in her. Her brother is in the same school as her in year 8 and was aware of the term monkey is racist (yes, it was monkeyface to be exact) and is shocked by this.

OP posts:
pilates · 18/11/2021 11:33

No, I wouldn’t contact the school. Your DD used an offensive word and is getting punished for it. You should support the school by acknowledging what she said is not acceptable. Hopefully, she won’t do it again and all will be forgotten.

Winniemarysarah · 18/11/2021 11:32

@uneffingbelievable

She was insulted as well but because not considered race related he did not get punished? Both get detention and learn not to call people names.

Not right if the other child was not reprimanded aswell.

This. Black child calls a white child an offensive name in regards to appearance, apparently that’s fine. White child sticks up for themselves and calls them a name back. That’s apparently not fine. I’d consider the black child more at fault for starting the name calling
MissyB1 · 18/11/2021 11:32

[quote PinkWednesdays]@daisypond Where have you got the word “pig” from?[/quote]
And where have posters got the word “monkey” from? OP has not told us what the word was.

RedWingBoots · 18/11/2021 11:32

@daisypond

A yr7 in DS's class was put on report in week 2 for calling about her child a monkey. They all know it's a racist slur.

Well, yes, of course that’s a racist slur. I’d expect a y7 to know that. But would a y7 know that the word pig is racist?

It depends if they go to school with more than a couple of Jewish and/or Muslim children.

If they do then they would know it is offensive.

PinkWednesdays · 18/11/2021 11:31

@daisypond Where have you got the word “pig” from?

RedWingBoots · 18/11/2021 11:31

@Lampzade

The apologist have started to crawl out of the woodwork
This.

OP have you been hiding from the news for the last two weeks?

When your daughter comes home show her this:
news.sky.com/video/azeem-rafiq-cricketer-tells-select-committee-racism-is-not-banter-12469904

Hoppinggreen · 18/11/2021 11:31

@Winniemarysarah

I’m with you op. Is your dd short? If so then calling her a midget is no better than her calling him a name back. For those of you calling her a bully, it was him that started the name calling!
According to OP her daughter has bullied this child before and calling someone a midget is not acceptable but it really doesn’t compare to a racist slur
daisypond · 18/11/2021 11:30

A yr7 in DS's class was put on report in week 2 for calling about her child a monkey. They all know it's a racist slur.

Well, yes, of course that’s a racist slur. I’d expect a y7 to know that. But would a y7 know that the word pig is racist?

BiLuminous · 18/11/2021 11:30

@Winniemarysarah

I’m with you op. Is your dd short? If so then calling her a midget is no better than her calling him a name back. For those of you calling her a bully, it was him that started the name calling!
A racial slur is a bit more serious than being called a midget. Racism affects every aspect of a person's life and is a huge cultural problem. Name calling in any way is never appropriate but these are NOT the same.
Ohmygodyesthatsit · 18/11/2021 11:30

@Dontfuckingsaycheese well i am 54 and i wouldnt have called a black person a monkey in the 1970s as i knew it was racist and offensive. Cheeky monkey is clearly not the same stop being disingenuous and faux wide eyed innocent.

PinkWednesdays · 18/11/2021 11:30

@Winniemarysarah

I’m with you op. Is your dd short? If so then calling her a midget is no better than her calling him a name back. For those of you calling her a bully, it was him that started the name calling!
Shameful justification for racial abuse.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/11/2021 11:30

@Beefcurtains79

Midget is disabilist though isn’t it? Both are unacceptable.
It's not nice but, assuming that the OP's DD is not actually of abnormal stature (just hasn't had a pre-puberty growth spurt yet), it's hardly the same as calling another child a racist slur.
SoupDragon · 18/11/2021 11:30

@Winniemarysarah

I’m with you op. Is your dd short? If so then calling her a midget is no better than her calling him a name back. For those of you calling her a bully, it was him that started the name calling!
Read the OP properly. She and a friend have been bullying him and he insulted her as part of an argument.

Racist insults are not the same as height based ones anyway.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 18/11/2021 11:30

So she called him a monkey?

Absolutely she needs to be punished because in the off chance she DOESN'T know the connotations of what she said (highly unlikely) she will in future.

That being said, this boy also needs disciplining. I would contact her head of year and ask for a meeting.

In the meantime sit her down at home and teach her about racist terminology and how it can get her in trouble.

Greenmarmalade · 18/11/2021 11:29

** girlmom21

Your daughter is a racist bully. It doesn't matter that she wasn't a racist bully when she was in primary school.**

This isn’t right or helpful. She’s a child. She may have been racist or teased/bullied someone, which should be dealt with appropriately, but she shouldn’t just be labelled as a racist bully. Children make mistakes. It’s the job of adults to nurture and guide them.

SickAndTiredAgain · 18/11/2021 11:29

@Dontfuckingsaycheese

This is a genuine question and I’m sorry for being so uninformed- when did it actually become racist to call someone a monkey? I feel ridiculously old and out of touch here but in my day we said things like ‘cheeky monkey’. I might even have said it recently. I will try to ensure I don’t. But - when did it take on racist connotations?
Jokingly referring to your child as a cheeky monkey when they’ve done something a little cheeky isn’t the same as using monkey as an insult. OP’s DD was retaliating, and if monkey was the word used then she wasn’t affectionately using cheeky monkey in a way where she can claim race wasn’t a factor. She was using it as an insult, and it isn’t an insult that I imagine she’d use against a white boy. If a white child called her a midget, she wouldn’t retaliate with “well you’re a monkey” (or whatever the precise phrasing was) would she.
Winniemarysarah · 18/11/2021 11:28

I’m with you op. Is your dd short? If so then calling her a midget is no better than her calling him a name back. For those of you calling her a bully, it was him that started the name calling!

jiggeryjaggerywoo · 18/11/2021 11:28

"A child in DS's yr7 class was put in report in week two for calling another child a monkey" that was meant to say...

BiLuminous · 18/11/2021 11:27

School have dealt with it so no I wouldn't, but you need to deal with it too. The first step is to stop making excuses for her and deal with what she's said and accept she knew exactly what she was saying and that's why she said it.

There's also implications for when the parent of this child finds out what she's said.