DD has got a detention for using racist language

She's 11 and doesn't know the racist connotatons of animalistic language? Come off it OP. She knows.

Being short isn't a disability. The OP has given no indication that her daughter has dwarfism. Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

Its still an insult. The boy started it. The girl just didn't know any better.

yes, it was monkeyface to be exact

No way did she not know this was racist. And it doesn’t sound like she has said she didn’t, it sounds like you have naively thought this when you said she “probably didn’t know” it had racial connotations. This is a completely unrealistic thing for you to think

@ColinTheKoala

And yes, the boy should also be punished for using disablist language. Heightism seems to be the last acceptable bastion of prejudice (and you see it a lot on MN - a lot of the people anxious to parade their anti-racist credentials on here have no issue with going on about "small man syndrome").

Being short isn't a disability. The OP has given no indication that her daughter has dwarfism.
Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

Both kids misbehaved and either both deserve to be punished, or neither of them does.

You seem to be taking it seriously OP, and by posting here what she said I think that says a lot as you know it is explicitly racist, where you could easily have lied to make her sound better. I would definitely talk about the history and background of using that language and why it is so harmful. I definitely said stupid things I didn't understand when I was 11, learning is the best solution.

She is 11. Whether or not she knew the phrase was racist when she used it, she knows it now, and she'll have learnt a lesson. Schools also have to report racist incidents to the local authority I think?

Leave it there.

And yes, the boy should also be punished for using disablist language. Heightism seems to be the last acceptable bastion of prejudice (and you see it a lot on MN - a lot of the people anxious to parade their anti-racist credentials on here have no issue with going on about "small man syndrome").

However, racism is worse, and schools have to report racist incidents (or at least used to when I was a school governor).

If the kid was

Sounds like both kids deserved detention. Your daughter shouldn't be name-calling and neither should that boy, whether racist, disablist or otherwise. They both need to learn that is not acceptable in school. Racial slurs hurt and so do comments about people's personal appearance. They both need pulling up.

I find it hard to believe that anyone doesn’t immediately grasp the difference between a (white British) parent calling their own child a (cheeky) monkey and using the same term to refer to a black British child. Even more so when it’s overtly being used as a slur.

It’s obviously not the same thing at all. Nor is it at all ambiguous.

I’d err on the side of using some other term even affectionately/playfully towards a child whose race makes ‘monkey’ an inherently loaded term. There are plenty of alternatives.

She was lucky to have such a minimal punishment. I guess the lesson here is to use an insult that is more universal. Racist insults are treated more harshly than misogynistic or homophobic insults ime.

Do you really believe that she didn't know she was being racist ? And out of all the animals she picked the right combination of animal and race?

I don't believe for a moment she didn't know what she was saying.

But I also think of you believe she was naive enough not to know this thing would be insulting, then maybe you should have educated her a bit more before she reached this age?

Ah, your update does sort of change things OP. Saying 'monkeyface' is really strongly not okay, and I can't imagine she didn't know that was an unacceptable thing to say, even if she didn't know quite the depth to which it was racist, or the history of it.

Glad she's been over to apologise, and the school has dealt with it. I think you can draw a line under it now.

At the age of 11 she's old enough to know that what she said, in that context, was racist. That's why she said it! Does she call her white friends monkeyface?

[quote PinkWednesdays]@daisypond Where have you got the word “pig” from?[/quote]
It’s the only word I can think of that relates to culture, and the OP said it was word relating to the child’s culture - I assume Jewish or Muslim. A word like monkey or gorilla relates to ethnicity.

She deserved the detention, talk to her and make sure she understands why she was wrong. The boy may well have been given a similar punishment. Two wrongs don't make a right, focus on your daughter and don't worry about the boy or contact the school. Teach your daughter to walk away from conflict rather than exchanging insults, racist or otherwise. I imagine she will have learnt her lesson before she even gets home though as she's not been punished in this way before.

Please come down hard on this. As a child I was called many names that are now totally unacceptable, and I have had counselling in my sixties, to try to come to terms with it. Believe me, the words never stop hurting.

Although she may not have understood fully what she was saying she used the term she used as she knew it would be hurtful. She deserves her detention.

You do need to speak to her about using words that she does not fully understand the history or connotation of.

You then need to contact the school about the behaviour of this boy.

If this is a one off from your daughter I cannot imagine her been labelled as a racist throughout her secondary education.