Success stories despite failing 11 plus

My year 9 daughter passed and went to a grammar school but had a fairly horrible time. It was all too competitive and results based and she didn't make many friends and lost interest in school. We moved her to the local comp and she is loving it. She comes home every day to tell me how she's talked to someone new, or she's got a merit for this or just general gossip. This is so different from the moody withdrawn child of last year.

I can tell you a different perspective.

My husband has had a successful career and it has had 0% to do with the fact that he went to Tiffin.

Yes, he’s bright (nothing out of this world though), but his hard work and the luck of finding something he really enjoyed have been the key to his success (and happiness).

I was in an all-through school but took an exam aged 10 to compete for a scholarship which my older sibling had got. I didn’t get it and was devastated and confused.

It put fire in my belly though! I went through secondary with a thirst to prove myself and I flew, much better than in primary. I also got super exam results.

Then when I was a grown up I realised that the things that mean most in life don’t come with a pass/fail or grades A-E. OP I hope your dd will thrive in the school she goes to, and remind her that the best journeys are often ones we didn’t expect to take.

My dd didn't take the 11 plus, I felt that it was too stressful for an already overly anxious child. Dd went on to pass all her GCSEs, is now in year 14 and hoping to go to uni next year.
Comprehensive pupils are taught. Grammar pupils have to "find" the answers themselves, which works for some children, but others will struggle.
I don't think my dd would have done as well academically if she had went to a grammar school.

It’s not obligatory to sit any 11 plus exam. So no failure to pass. Just select the school you like. Parents pile on stress!

Also one of his friends passed and his mum refused to send him to the grammar. Said he’d be more suited to the comp. And quite a few round here have moved their kids out of the grammar. They really aren’t the be all and end all...

It’s such a brutal system. Testing 10/11 years olds on one day.

DS didn’t pass last year. Not far off but still was hugely stressful at the time. I spoke to the school about appealing and they quite rightly pointed out he is a child who gets a lot of confidence from being at the top of the class. And may not be suited to the pressures of grammar school.

He’s at the local secondary which, in the end most of his friends ended up at too. Was a funny year, hardly any in his school passed.

He’s flying now. Just came top in his English and science exams. No pressure, he’s gaining confidence and is very happy. He’ll be fine.

I wish they’d do away with the whole system though. All those children thinking they’ve failed and aren’t good enough!

Back in the day of England wide 11+, when secondary moderns really were dire, a distant relative of mine failed and went on to be a professer of physics at an RG university.
More recently I know of two DC who failed 11+ in an all grammar area, went to a secondary modern rated inadequate while they were there, stay on for 6th form and get into Oxbridge and one of the top RGs. Both have recently graduated, one with a 1st and one with a 2:1.
If she's supported well by you, unless the school is utterley horrendous, she will likely be fine, though of course the disappointment will be strong right now.
If you genuinely think she would do better at a grammar, some have 12+ and 13+ exams in case places become available. I know kids who have moved into grammars and these points after 11+ fail, and done very well.

@Placido
It really depends what the non grammars are like. If it’s a county wide grammar system, they are indeed secondary moderns. But they will offer A levels and have plenty of bright DC. Some comprehensives are not as good as some of these with not a grammar in sight. It totally depends on the intake and where the school is and quality of staff. Where I live, all the grammars are outstanding. One secondary is. It selects by religion. It’s a fantastic school. Others (3 schools) 4 miles down the road are in and out of RI (or worse) all the time and their P8 is poor. They, not surprisingly, have far more lower achievers, who are much more difficult to get good progress from, far worse behaviour problems and therefore overall poorer results. The grammars have none of this. Leafy lane secondaries are great. Others might be but it’s not a given their progress 8 is as good as the grammars. Around me few match the grammars. But yes, it’s worth looking.

I would be interested in a survey to see what all the eleven plus "pass" and "fail" children are doing five or ten years after they have left school. I think the result might surprise many of the parents who, at the time the results come out, think that getting to the grammar school is the only thing that matters.
Thank goodness that many counties have done away with that system and have excellent proper Comprehensive schools

I'm an Associate Professor. I failed my 11 plus.

it's not that big a deal.

nothing like the bad old days when flunking meant modern schools, doing CSE's [at best], etc.

in total, comprehensives send more kids to oxbridge than either of the other two main school types [the chart linked below is for cambridge only].

www.varsity.co.uk/images/dyn/store/700/0/33262.png

Odette my DC2 didn't get to GS either, missed by a margin despite older sibling being at a GS. Went to secondary modern which had been in special measures not long before, and we were told by 'friends' that there would be no chance of them achieving much academically.

Got a good first degree and last month completed an MSc in a very academic STEM subject at a world-leading university; is currently exploring PhDs…

Furthermore, all DC2's friends are either in good jobs or doing post-graduate study.

I have three children two of whom are at grammar school but my eldest failed and he's done brilliantly - just finished A levels and just gone off to Uni. He was always quite lazy and it wasn't really until his GCSE---- year that he pulled his finger out and started to apply himself.

I remember being where you are now and it seemed such a disaster at the time but with hindsight I can see he would have struggled at grammar school - he was always one of the brighter ones in the local comp and that did wonders for his self-esteem and came into his own (eventually!)

@TizerorFizz obviously it is school specific. Just an error to think that all grammars are ‘better’. Not the case.

The grammars near me have excellent added value. The secondaries less good in some cases!

@Odette81 I suspect that if you do some research in to local progress 8 scores you will find the grammars are not necessarily ‘better’. They are grammars. They take bright children and push hard. They live or die on their results. That doesn’t mean they have great value add though. It doesn’t mean they are ‘better’ it means they are grammars. They often have worse funding models. They often don’t have great SEN outcomes.

Many comps have better progress 8 scores because they can pull up a mixed cohort.
Which school is ‘better’ then?

I’m assuming she didn’t have to take the exam. Even grammar counties let you opt out!

Half the problem is years of tutoring and parents/DC bigging up the grammar schools as the only prize worth having. I have seen countless people tutor and their DC don’t get the pass mark. Some then appeal and then some DC take the exam again or take an exam set by the grammar school and so it goes on. Never ending stress! I’ve seen children in my village exhibit all sorts of problems due to parents insisting they must go to a grammar school! So resist that temptation - please!

So your best bet is to stay positive about the school she will go to. Around me many of these have 30% of the higher achieving Sats DC so there are likely to be DC similar to her. Look at what DC achieve at her new school and she definitely won’t loose out if she stays positive about education. No doubt there is transfer in the 6th form if you really want that later. My more sensible neighbours who didn’t get fussed when DC didn’t get to the grammars still had these DC read Maths and Chemistry at university plus other subjects I forget! There are still all options and nothing is closed off.

I do know parents who have paid for prep schools where a large cohort get to the grammars. If you don’t your child must feel left out whilst others celebrate. No school gets 100% so someone will always feel like that but there’s plenty you can do and being positive is the best thing.

My DS was the only one of three primary school friends to get into a selective school ... he's doing just fine. One of the other three (who went to a grim school) is now a doctor and the other a lawyer. Both earn more than my son.

I think the problem with the whole system is that there is a whole lot of children out there today whose parents are telling them how amazing they are for passing and now they are going to a ‘better’ school. The children then parrot this to their friends making everyone else feel they are going to a ‘bad’ school. This perpetuates a two tier system. Some of the conversations we have to over hear from children at the club I volunteer at are just cringy, I wish that parents would be careful in bandying around the ‘better school’ word and say ‘different’ perhaps.

My cousin’s daughter failed hers and went to a frankly grim “comprehensive”. She was devastated at the time, but did really well in her GCSEs and A levels and went on to study medicine.

My son failed his despite being ridiculously bright. He got a scholarship to the top school in our area and is now in year 9 and excelling.

I failed mine and am doing a masters course via direct entry so it's not all that bad 🙂

So my brother failed his 11+ back in the day. He went on to study at Cambridge and Insead. Got a job in finance that paid him (literally) millions. Has a huge 7 bed house in Hampstead. Happily married. 4 lovely kids.

Tell your DD it's normal to feel sad at this stage, but passing or failing the 11+ doesn't really say anything about the kind of person she is or what she is going to achieve in life. Tough lesson to learn at 11 though.

My brother didn't pass. He has a PhD and is now the most successful and highest earning in our whole family (he's also very lovely! Kind, generous, great dad etc).