Should I move heaven and earth to get DD (13) into a better school?

I agree about the waiting lists. All the oversubscribed schools round here have random places pop up and although in theory the waiting lists go by distance in reality very few people actively want to change school midway through so often go unfilled. Make some calls, you might be surprised

The more diverse levels you have in a class, the more time-consuming it is for a teacher to meet all their needs. However, differentiation should be in place and it's easier to find challenging activities for those at the top end because they can work more independently. Although that is the teacher's job, she has some responsibility herself. She can speak to the teachers and ask for more things to do or indeed she can take it upon herself to extend the activities to challenge herself more. That might be difficult for a 13yo to do but she can ask for guidance from the staff to help give her strategies on how to develop tasks she's finding easy into more difficult ones.

All really really academic kids are bored at school. My dad knew maths better than the teachers, had a photographic memory, so was insanely well-read and could recite the history of Europe from BC Christ to the modern day in perfect chronological order remembering all dates/names etc. He was generally one of those really gifted "wonder kids". He found school extremely boring, had no respect for teachers (they also hated him as he argued with them), was mainly acting like a class clown, but hr still managed to get all top grades. Being bored at school does not prevent anyone from doing well in exams. If she is that good, she should study herself outside of school and be able to get into Oxford regardless of how non-academic the school is. A smart kid can fo well in any school

I am wondering if COVID hasn't helped either. She will pretty much just have been part way through her first year of secondary when it hit, and then her Y8 experience will have been shambolic. Schools aren't really running the full gamut of trips, clubs etc, plus in my experience there are quite a lot of residual behavioural issues (and catch up activities for those who didn't engage over lockdown) in the classroom. So hopefully all this will get better
I agree with others on the thread that she needs to take control and stretch herself. No reason not to teach herself another GCSE online and do it early (I know a kid doing that for Ancient Civilisation), power through her music grades (including Grade 5 theory), enter competitions outside of school, use Duolingo daily, set up a debating society or a feminist reading group or whatever. It depends so much on if she has friends and has fallen in with a good bunch of peers- if you are worried about that I would definitely consider moving. Good luck.

I’d move her to a better school by whichever means you can - private school via bursary or better state school.

It’s not just the teaching, it’s being with a whole group of kids where she doesn’t fit in.

And you don’t need your ex to agree. Don’t ask him, just move her.

If he’s not happy with her new school he can go to court and ask for an order to move her back. No judge is going to force a 15 year old to move schools to suit her father’s political ideology.

You are the parent with residence and you are acting in her best interests.

Lots of schools who are generally full have random spaces in year groups during October, because pupils who were supposed to start last month didn’t turn up. Email them and ask. It can’t do any harm.

Often pupils who are on the waiting list turn down places offered now because term has already started.

Don’t say your daughter is disillusioned and her grades are slipping. Say that she’s doing really well, top of the class and you are looking for a more academic school where she can stay on to 6th form and not move after GCSEs.

Agreed with PP - I think this needs to be a far more concrete issue. Find an actual school that you and your daughter (and the staff) agree will definitely be more stimulating and better meet her needs. With concrete ways that they will do that. And they have a place available. Then and only then should you move.

Where are you op? Have you identified some schools you actually want?

Have you researched which schools have vacancies or how long the wait lists are? Perhaps a better school somewhere has a place available and she could find a way to commute there?

I agree with this. People often rule this out on the assumption that the great schools won't have places, but they do come up sometimes. The outstanding secondary school not far from us is the type people move near to get into the catchment, but it didn't fill all its year 7 places this year as it was a low birth/sibling year.

I think GCSEs studies are boring, whatever school they are at. It's just something to grit their teeth, get through and get the grades so that they can go on to do the subjects they actually enjoy rather than are forced to study, in more depth, at A Level and beyond.

If she is getting 90 - 100% in tests then she will likely come out with a raft of 7s to 9s at GCSE and her Oxbridge chances will be unaffected by what school she is at.

Have you researched which schools have vacancies or how long the wait lists are? Perhaps a better school somewhere has a place available and she could find a way to commute there? Don’t move just on the off chance a place may come up, as that may never happen!

I know you say you can't afford it, but can you add to your mortgage for two years of private and get her back on track.

If moving costs £15k and you can add that to the mortgage, can you do that anyway and find the rest?

It might be helpful to know which city you are talking about as there are possibly parents with first hand experience.

In our school for example, you can earn up to £85k and own a house and still be eligible for a bursary.

If the school has spaces they often want to fill them. The issue you might have is that it doesn't sound like her attitude is great and they might worry that that won't change at a new school.

What percentage of students get 7-9 in GCSE? If minimal look to move her. If it’s a good number you know they teach to that level and she should be fine. I remember having a conversation with a really great teacher at my sons school when he was in year 9 and not working hard: he looked at me and said “year 9, biggest waste of time” I think that he had a point, by year 10 they stepped up and year 10 and 11 were hard work and they were challenged and got the grades. His 6 x 8 and 3x7 didn’t even get on to the well done list.

Year 9 is a bit rubbish. I held my nerve because I knew ds's school pulled out all the stops for GCSEs and A levels. That's where most of the really good teachers were. It was a good year to do Bronze Duke of Edinburgh and his first music exams.

If you look further up the school and can't see that it's much better there, yes I would seriously consider a move.

Hello hello. Firstly, so sorry to hear you are in this situation. Nothing worse than watching your kid’s motivation decline due to being understretched at school. It’s almost like you see their little flame of enthusiasm go out. :-(

For me, if my DD were feeing that way I too would take that as a warning sign that she needs a change or extra support to help her get the grey matter enjoying some healthy challenge again. The school day is long and there need to be some periods where she is feeling stretched to stop her from feeling like she’s treading water until the home bell.

Can the school set her some EPQ style challenges - maybe let her go to the library to research topics at a higher level than current class progress? Can she join some GCSE classes to let her have a taste of what’s to come and rekindle her spark? Can they move her up a year? I know different schools have different policies but still, Ofsted does look to see what each school is doing for high, middle and lower achievers so it’s not an unreasonable request for more stretch and differentiated learning. We had feedback on that in our recent Ofsted.

If the school continues to be unresponsive I’d look at moving her. Look again at local schools and dialogue specifically with them about what they do for more able/high achiever/greater depth pupils. (Everyone has their own terminology!) It may be that a school that looks so so from the outside might just have some teachers who are focusing on this. Worth exploring. If not, I would look at bursaries (they are much more generous than you’d think, some only cut off at a six figure income, which really surprised me.) Or moving as a last resort. You may decide that a longer commute to school is worth it for the intellectual challenge, so I’d widen the net in terms of search area as well.

Hope this helps - am crossing my fingers for you both x

We actually moved house recently, primarily for better schools for our kids. Lots of people told us not to bother as we were the "kind of parents" who would make sure she did well. Motivated kids can do well anywhere, regardless of class size, etc.

A month into the new schools and I am so glad we moved. Don't underestimate the value of the peer group. If not much is expected of the kids in the current school, that's what they'll achieve. Your daughter is smart, bored and in a school that isn't "particularly academic". Honestly, I think you'd be doing her a disservice to keep her there.

I am considering moving my y9 dd to another secondary for gcses. My reasons are a bit different to yours, but a lot of what you say resonates.

My first question is whether your dd has raised moving schools? Moving house and schools is hard, and if you're doing it for her I'd want to make sure she was on board.

My next thing is to think about your motivation. My understanding is that it is two-fold. The first is that she is bored/losing interest and its having a negative attitude on her behaviour and well being.

Secondly, you are concerned that staying where you are will limit her opportunities. This is a crucial moment and if you don't get it right, it could really impact future education and financial outcomes.

Thinking about the first point, I think year 9 is tough. To be honest, all of ks3 is quite tough. It can feel lacking in purpose - exams are too far away for sustained effort with school work. She will still be studying a lot of subjects she has no interest in and with the ones she is interested in, she's studying them alongside people who aren't which will affect learning behaviours.

On top of this, hormones and general teenagerness will be coming into play.

As a parent looking on, its hard to watch but if some of your motivation comes from your own unease, then I think sitting tight where she is might be the best option.

Regarding whether staying may limit her future options, it might be worth refining exactly what those options may be. Are they definitely not available if she stays? What are the limiting factors? If you are concerned that she will underperform at GCSEs in the current set up, then maybe moving her would be a good idea. However, she would need to be really on board with this.

I think I would just chat to her. She says she's bored but the fact is that school is boring. If she hasn't raised moving school, then she may be quite surprised that this is your response to her feelings about school at the moment.

Knowing 13 year old girls, I would bite my tongue for a couple of weeks in the hope that exams/university/career paths comes up. Maybe engineer opportunities where she opens up: in the car or eating out, whatever you know works. If she articulates a road map that needs certain results gcse that both of you think she needs to move for, then I would start the ball rolling.

I could have written this post. We’ve just moved our year 9 daughter to a private school. She seems much happier now she is at a school that has a culture of learning. My daughter is not the most hard working child, but because everybody else is working hard she’s working to keep up. She’s amazed at how few distributions there are in class- and she loves the food!!

If I was moving it would be out of the city to a guaranteed school place where houses are the same price if not cheaper. The last time I moved it cost me £15k which could be absorbed in the mortgage - school fees here are a minimum of £15k per year which absolutely is out of reach.

Wouldn't you have to consider stamp duty? What is she interested in reading at Oxford? Get her to volunteer DoE but get her to take charge of her boredom and find things that actually interest her. Unless you go private selective, no school will stretch a very able child. She has the luxury to make the most of all her free time if she doesn't nee to study much.

I just think that moving heaven and earth might well backfire. What if your dd doesn't like the new school? Imagine how responsible for all the upheaval she might feel. I'd encourage her to knuckle down and do her best but also to get involved in activities either at school or privately.