Secondary school standards - I am sick of friends asking me about it, and I really can't say

Say you are not sending ds there because you don't want to work in the same school he will attend. I am in this situation and it can be quite difficult.

We had two local secondary schools I was determined my daughter would not go to. One I maintained if the authority insisted she went there I would rather have chosen to homeschool her.

We also had a brand new academy - not one taking over from failing schools but brand new. The year she would have started the school would have only had years 7 and 8. It sounded perfect for her, and ideal for her special needs. None of the parents wanted their kids to go there as the school was not even finished. In the end she didn't get in and dd ended up in one of the two schools I didn't want her in.

I have now have no issues recommending this school, even though it has just come out of special measures. My daughter was always going to do well academically, however I seriously doubt any of the local schools, including the 'better' ones could have done so much to meet her special needs (aspergers)and she is developing into a wonderful young lady.

The school is not perfect and does have a lot of serious issues, but it has met my daughters needs head on in partnership with us. One school with an excellent reputation we actually walked out off on the open evening after hearing the way the deputy head spoke to parents!

Our only regret is the current school won't have a 6th form until a year after she leaves.

I think that everyone can find something to complain about, even at the "best" schools, whichever they are. What is harder ime is to determine which aspects of school are of the highest priority to your family. And because we really only tend to have experience of one or two schools that we went to at each level, we can be rather bemused by the apparent differences.

the world could use some more straightforward politicians twinset! And I think Ladymuck is onto the right idea.

Iused to get caught in a similar situation when I worked part time as a teacher and worked for two days in the commuity from which our pupils come. THe parents knew I taught at the school and therefore would ask me for my opinion on the school, I had a policy of listing the positive. My thinking being that they got the negative from elsewhere in bucketloads and someone needed to be giving the other view.

Ladymuck that is exactly what I try and do, i say I am looking for this for dd from a school while my school offers this. I do think there are things that my dd current and future school could learn from the school in which i teach and vice versa.

I am actually considering a political career in later life, I will need to polish up my answering diplomatically while giving nothing away skills!

Is there a way of turning the question around, so that rather than being forced to point out the apparent negatives to the school that you teach in, you are instead praising the positives of the school which you have chosen. Eg for ds I felt that smaller class sizes were vital so we opted for X, or we felt that dd would thrive in a strong catholic school so we chose Y. Regardless of the actual reason why the school that you teach at wouldn't make the list, there must still have been certainpositive attributes that you sought out. That way you can extol at length those attributes which you do find to be important wihtout having to be unprofessional about your own school.

It isn't just inside knowledge that other parents are after. There are simply some many aspects to choosing a school, and so much information, that it is comforting to talk to someone in the sector about what they see as being important.

yes fair enough. You can usually find a way of phrasing it that you are comfortable with though? Even, as you said, "by the time dd reaches secondary she may not want to be in the same building as me" but it is dissembling I admit - you would never make a politician btw!

I have thought about using that one as well snorkle although in my case it is not true, although of course by the time dd reaches secondary she may not want to be in the same building as me I just don;t like lying or telling half truths.

Interesting situation, twinset. I imagine you have pretty mixed catchments in that case. I live in a city where many of the schools on one side are crammed to overflowing and over-subscribed, while many on the other side are full of echoing, half-empty classrooms.

I'd have thought saying something like you feel at secondary level kids can do without having their own parents in school might be a reasonable answer. It's probably true on some levels even if you don't really mind too much and it sidesteps talking about what the school's actually like.

I teach in a town that has falling intakes so schools are scrabbling for kids to balance the budget, most end up where they want to go.

yes unquietdad, although we get very few kids who come to our school who don;t want to be there. At my school there were only 3 of a year group of about 120 that appealed and they did manage to get a place elsewhere.

While my school is not known for its great academic results we do have a good name for pastoral care and helping children who come from families in crisis, they make up a significant number of our intake and they are happy to be there.

We also get quite a few who don't care where there kids end up so they come to us.

Although one should add that a lot of people know full well that the nasty school on their doorstep is "unsuitable" for their little darling and yet they don't have any other sodding option.

tbh Roisin if I was a parent with no insider info I would be asking you.

I am in agreement that some schools suit certain children, many of the children we get do as well as they can with us because of the support we give them. If they were to go to one of our middle class pushy neighbour schools they would not last. Am not saying this is a good thing as we are becoming a school full of nightmare kids who other schools wouldn't touch.

If my dd came to the school I teach one of three things would happen;

1. She would stand out so much because of her abilities and home support that she would get lots of individual tuition which would make up for the classroom disrutpion and she would do very well.

1. She would not get that individual attention because teachers are stressed and knackered by the demands of the pupils we teach and so the continual low level disruption would mean that my dd would not do as well as she would else where or she would fail.

1. DD who is quite a charactar would work out quite quickly that she is quite a lot brighter than many of the kids at our school and could be far naughtier with far more success. She would run rings around everyone and become uncontrollable.

roisin - they won't stop asking, sadly. They see you as a person on the "inside" who has important information which will be useful to them. I know that's not how you see it, but people get desperate for any little nugget.

It's perhaps similar for people who work for an estate agent or a hospital.

emailed you back with the name of the school and a bit of info, am too tired to remember figures sorry.

Sorry meant to add - I run the local nursery so get asked ALL the time for opinions!

Roisin I have this all the time as we sent the DD's out of our village(primary but still the same principle) to one 8 miles away that we thought was more suited to them & what we wanted.

Now(7 years later) our local primary has a much better head-teacher she's turned the school around ....and yet I don't know whether it would be right for us as I don't particularly "click" with her & her philosophy,lovely though she is!

I tell any parent who asks my opinion that "you have to choose the school that's right for your DC & your family"

I still believe that's right, the STATs results etc are a guide but you have to walk through the door of any school primary OR secondary & think "yes my child would do well here ...."

and you're the only one who can judge that!!

have changed my cat address to the hotmail address given above.

sorry that should be [email protected]

twin@[email protected]